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2014 December
12/29/2014 - U.S. Retakes Top Spot In Annual ‘Party Country’ Rankings
12/25/2014 - Uncle Put More Thought Than Usual Into This Year’s Gift Cards
12/25/2014 - Run for your life.
12/25/2014 - First Holiday Season Without Grandma Incredible
12/24/2014 - The Onion Looks Back At 'Home Alone'
12/24/2014 - Men Whose Beautiful Wives Died On Christmas 10 Years Ago Announce Plans To Drink Whiskey Alone In Dark Apartment
12/24/2014 - BREAKING: Everyone At Bar Cooler Than Area Man
12/23/2014 - Seasonal Depression Kicks In Just In Time To Numb Woman Before Holiday With Family
12/22/2014 - Study: Majority Of Frontal Lobe Occupied By Thoughts Of Sausage Links
12/19/2014 - Family Knows Better Than To Fall For Mom’s Little Bullshit Speech About No Presents This Year
12/17/2014 - Avoiding Family Conflict During The Holiday Season
12/17/2014 - The Onion Reviews 'The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies'
12/16/2014 - Uninsured Man Hoping For Gift Card To Local Hospital For Christmas
12/12/2014 - Mom Gathers Rolls Of Wrapping Paper Around Her To Stroke Softly
12/12/2014 - How Police Are Revamping Their Tactics
12/12/2014 - Those We Lost In 2014
12/12/2014 - Athlete’s Heartwarming Story Fucking Sucks
12/12/2014 - I Don’t See Race; I Only See Grayish-Brown, Vaguely Humanoid Shapes
12/12/2014 - Championship - Ep. 13
12/12/2014 - Fantasy Football Week 15: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em
12/12/2014 - Top 10 Apps Of 2014
12/12/2014 - Family Receives 38-Piece AstraZeneca Assorted Pill Sampler
12/11/2014 - Convicted Sex Offender Wins $3 Million Florida Lottery
12/11/2014 - Schlubs From U.S., China Meet In Lowest-Level Talks
12/11/2014 - The Onion’s Person Of The Year 2014
12/11/2014 - Columbia Law School Allowing Students Distressed Over Garner, Brown To Delay Exams
12/11/2014 - New Rules In The NFL’s Updated Personal Conduct Policy
12/11/2014 - Report: CIA Paid Psychologists $81 Million For Ineffective Torture Techniques
12/11/2014 - Top Guitar Tabs We Learned In 2014
12/11/2014 - Report: Jets Players Lied About Concussion Symptoms To Get Out Of Games
12/11/2014 - The Onion’s Holiday Gift Guide For Kids
12/11/2014 - Top 10 TV Moments Of 2014
12/11/2014 - Only Post On Fantasy Football League Message Board Still Commissioner’s Message Announcing Time Of Draft
12/11/2014 - Rising Income Inequality Causing Wealthy Americans To Take On Second Sailboat
12/11/2014 - Why Aren't We Going To Our Office Holiday Party?
12/10/2014 - New Amazon ‘Make An Offer’ Feature Allows Shoppers To Haggle Over Price
12/10/2014 - Teen Sick Of Mother Barging Into Room With Clean, Folded Clothes
12/10/2014 - Returning Parents Can Tell Son Had Huge House Fire Over Weekend
12/10/2014 - Report: 80% Of Queen’s ‘Greatest Hits’ CDs Lodged In Center Console Of First Car
12/10/2014 - Michelle Obama Quietly Reassigned To Department Of Agriculture After Butting Heads With President
12/10/2014 - 10 People Who Made No Difference In 2014
12/10/2014 - General Mills Reviving French Toast Crunch
12/10/2014 - Top Drones Of 2014
12/10/2014 - The Onion’s Holiday Gift Guide For Her
12/10/2014 - Lakers Confident They Just Need Another Once-In-A-Generation Player To Get Back On Track
12/10/2014 - Man Always Wanted To Raise Family In Kind Of Place Where White People Greet Each Other On The Street
12/9/2014 - Revelations Of The Declassified CIA Torture Report
12/9/2014 - Critics Worried New CIA Report Puts U.S. At Considerable Risk Of Transparency
12/9/2014 - Heiress Delays Plane Over Dissatisfaction With Peanuts
12/9/2014 - Jars We Had To Ask For Help Opening In 2014
12/9/2014 - Top 10 Newsmakers Of 2014
12/9/2014 - Michael Jordan Fans Commemorate Anniversary Of Remarkable ‘Flu Hanes Commercial’
12/9/2014 - U.S. Women’s Soccer Team Draws ‘Group Of Death’ For World Cup
12/9/2014 - The Onion’s Holiday Gift Guide For Him
12/9/2014 - Minority Student’s Perspective Better Be Pretty Goddamn Diverse If He Wants Full Scholarship
12/9/2014 - Hippocratic Oath Updated To Include Vow Of Loyalty To Blue Cross Blue Shield
12/9/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 9, 2014
12/8/2014 - Jon Gruden Impressed By Every Blade Of Grass On Football Field
12/8/2014 - World’s Oldest Woman Just Pleased Every Other Human On Earth When She Was Born Now Dead
12/8/2014 - Man Somehow Thinks He Doesn’t Have Enough Alone Time
12/8/2014 - NFL Week 14 Winners And Losers
12/8/2014 - Royal Couple To Spend $36.21 Queen Elizabeth Had Left Over From 2010 U.S. Visit
12/8/2014 - Should Police Be Equipped With Body Cameras?
12/8/2014 - Furry Convention Attacked By Chlorine Powder Bomb
12/8/2014 - Nation’s Gay Straw Men March On Washington For Right To Marry Animals
12/8/2014 - Phone Call With Dad Just Watered-Down Version Of Phone Call With Mom
12/8/2014 - CDC: This Year’s Flu Vaccine Might Not Work
12/8/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 8, 2014
12/8/2014 - Travel Accommodamnations
12/8/2014 - Fantasy Football Star Confident He Can Make Leap To General Manager Of NFL Team
12/5/2014 - No One At CBS Remembers Hiring O.J. Simpson As Color Commentator
12/5/2014 - Brandon Marshall Remains Hospitalized With Collapsed Ego
12/5/2014 - Wife Kept Up All Night By Kevin Garnett Talking Trash In Sleep
12/5/2014 - Fantasy Football Week 14: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em
12/5/2014 - Holiday Reviews
12/5/2014 - KFC, Midas Team Up For Much-Anticipated Crossover Meal
12/5/2014 - Pope Rummaging Through Vatican Basement For Plastic Nativity Scene Figures
12/5/2014 - Man’s Family Rises To Record-High Fourth Priority
12/5/2014 - High School Band Teacher Spends 85% Of Rehearsal Hammering In Dress Code For Holiday Concert
12/5/2014 - National Archives Clearly Stored Constitution In Three-Ring Binder
12/5/2014 - The Best Bands You’ve Never Heard Of And We Refuse To Tell You About
12/5/2014 - Playoffs - Ep. 12
12/4/2014 - Jay Cutler Disappears Into Folds Of Winter Coat
12/4/2014 - Wrinkle-Free Pants Didn't Think They'd Be Tested Quite This Much
12/4/2014 - Women Growing Out, Dyeing Armpit Hair In New Trend
12/4/2014 - How Grand Juries Reach A Decision
12/4/2014 - James Bond Fans Concerned After Learning New Film’s Shooting Locations All In New Hampshire
12/4/2014 - Chokehold Ruling Puts Police Body Camera Plan In Doubt
12/4/2014 - Overworked Prosecutor Thinking Of Taking Police Brutality Case As A Little Vacation
12/4/2014 - Disheartened Man Expected At Least One Text While Checking Phone After Flight
12/4/2014 - Police Officer Demonstrates Proper Technique For Subduing Grand Jury
12/4/2014 - Barry Sanders Figures It His Turn To Pull Stint As Mentor For One Of League’s Fuckups
12/4/2014 - Study: Humans Have Been Drinking Alcohol For 10 Million Years
12/4/2014 - How Are We Getting Into The Holiday Spirit?
12/4/2014 - Owner's Box: Bearded Robert Griffin III Spotted Living In Houseboat On Chesapeake Bay
12/4/2014 - World Leaders Gather To Discuss How Fucking Amazing Running A Country Is
12/4/2014 - Police Say Conditions Too Nippy To Rescue Missing Hiker
12/3/2014 - Obama Calls For Turret-Mounted Video Cameras On All Police Tanks
12/3/2014 - Study: Majority Of College Students Don’t Graduate On Time
12/3/2014 - Cosby Lawyer Asks Why Accusers Didn’t Come Forward To Be Smeared By Legal Team Years Ago
12/3/2014 - 12-Year-Old’s Christmas List Demonstrates Heartbreaking Awareness Of Family’s Financial Predicament
12/3/2014 - Ray Rice Hoping 3.1 Yards Per Carry Last Season Won’t Deter Teams From Signing Him
12/3/2014 - Elderly Woman Begins Freezing Meals Husband Can Eat While She’s Passed Away
12/3/2014 - Stressed-Out CVS Back To Selling Cigarettes After Only 3 Months
12/3/2014 - Michigan Fans Thankful Program No Longer Relevant Enough To Be Humiliated On National Stage
12/3/2014 - Report: More Than Half Of Babies Sleeping In Unsafe Places
12/3/2014 - Employee Wishes He Had Enough Job Security To Voice Opinion
12/2/2014 - Pizza Hut ‘Subconscious’ Menu Aims To Read Diners’ Minds, Guess Toppings
12/2/2014 - New Express Transplant List Offers Patients Kidney Or First Available Organ
12/2/2014 - Father-In-Law Think Tank Issues Comprehensive One-Sentence Solution To Immigration, Unemployment, Crime Problems
12/2/2014 - Scientists Developing Marijuana Breathalyzer To Catch Stoned Drivers
12/2/2014 - There’s No Use Worrying Over Things The Parasitic Alien Lifeforms Living Inside Us Can’t Control
12/2/2014 - CIA Admits Role In 1985 Coup To Oust David Lee Roth
12/2/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 2, 2014
12/2/2014 - Report: More Americans Setting Aside Money In Case Of PR Emergency
12/2/2014 - Pope Francis Attends Outdoor Mass In Cutoff Denim Vestments
12/1/2014 - Area Man Locked In Protracted Battle With Sweatshirt Neckhole
12/1/2014 - Credit Card Safety Tips
12/1/2014 - Millions Of Holiday Travelers Return From Parents’ Homes All Caught Up On ‘The Mentalist’
12/1/2014 - Girl Scouts To Sell Cookies Online
12/1/2014 - NFL Week 13 Winners And Losers
12/1/2014 - 3 Toddlers Dredged From Chuck E. Cheese Ball Pit
12/1/2014 - Consumer Entering That Awkward Age Between Target Demographics
12/1/2014 - Empty ‘About Us’ Page Leaves Chinese Buffet’s Origins Shrouded In Mystery
12/1/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 1, 2014
12/1/2014 - Offensive (Tr)end