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2014 July
7/31/2014 - ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’ Filming Angers Bird Experts
7/31/2014 - Report Finds Children Of Parents Often Become Parents Themselves
7/31/2014 - Experts Warn Situation In Gaza Will Get Worse Before It Gets Much Worse
7/31/2014 - Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup
7/31/2014 - Report: All Things Aside, American Flag Still Looks Pretty Good Majestically Billowing In Wind
7/31/2014 - Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup
7/31/2014 - Why Are We Cutting Our Trip Short?
7/31/2014 - Psychology Comes To Halt As Weary Researchers Say The Mind Cannot Possibly Study Itself
7/31/2014 - GlaxoSmithKline Releases New Drug To Treat People Who Just Feel Sort Of Weird Sometimes
7/31/2014 - New Study Finds Running For 20 Minutes Each Day Could Add Years Of Soreness To Life
7/31/2014 - Men Think Women Who Listen To Them Are Sexier
7/31/2014 - Rookie Infielder Still Learning Names Of Every Base
7/30/2014 - Feds: McDonald’s Responsible For Welfare Of Franchise Workers
7/30/2014 - Experts: Ebola Vaccine At Least 50 White People Away
7/30/2014 - Americans Demand New Form Of Media To Bridge Entertainment Gap While Looking From Laptop To Phone
7/30/2014 - Patient Zero Kicking Back In 38C With Episode Of ‘New Girl’
7/30/2014 - Hillary Clinton Spends Busy Day Fueling Speculation, Not Ruling Things Out
7/30/2014 - Study Finds College Still More Worthwhile Than Spending 4 Years Chained To Radiator
7/30/2014 - How Coca-Cola Can Improve Sales
7/30/2014 - Area Man Somewhat Disturbed To Think Perfect Woman For Him Out There Somewhere
7/30/2014 - ‘Cosmo’ Finally Features Sex Tips For Lesbians
7/30/2014 - Amazingly Humanlike Robot Able To Commit Thousands Of Mistakes Per Day
7/29/2014 - Study: Infants Can Smell Mothers’ Fears
7/29/2014 - The Pros And Cons Of Going Vegetarian
7/29/2014 - Report: Majority Of CIA Now Ready To Install Female World Leader
7/29/2014 - Wikipedia Bans Congress From Editing Pages
7/29/2014 - New Kindle Helps Readers Show Off By Shouting Title Of Book Loudly And Repeatedly
7/29/2014 - We’re Not So Different, You And Me And Joe Walsh
7/29/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 29, 2014
7/29/2014 - Report: Majority Of Football Fans Better Informed On Health Of NFL Players Than Parents
7/29/2014 - FDA Approves First Artificial Tumor
7/29/2014 - Person Who Will Embalm You Walking Around Out There
7/28/2014 - Grandpa Looking Absolutely Precious In New Baseball Cap
7/28/2014 - Guy Riding ATV Has Really Been Looking Forward To Breaking His Neck On Wooded Trail
7/28/2014 - ExxonMobil, Chevron Locked In Bidding War To Acquire Lucrative Pennsylvania Senator
7/28/2014 - Open-Minded Man Would Be Willing To Look Past Jennifer Lawrence’s Flaws
7/28/2014 - New York Times Endorses Legalizing Marijuana
7/28/2014 - Should We Let Immigrant Children Who Crossed The U.S. Border Stay In America?
7/28/2014 - Assisted Care Facility Hits Grand Fucking Slam With Little Styrofoam Cups Of Sherbet
7/28/2014 - T.J. Maxx Job Application Just Asks Prospective Employees How Much They Plan To Shoplift
7/28/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 28, 2014
7/28/2014 - Casualties Of Bore
7/28/2014 - Study: Earth In Middle Of ‘Sixth Extinction’
7/28/2014 - Supreme Court Issues 7-1 Decision To Find Scalia's Killer
7/28/2014 - Hulk Hogan Donates Hair To Lucky Locks Of Love Recipient
7/28/2014 - Man Unwilling To Skydive Blasted For Contradicting Previous ‘Up For Whatever’ Stance
7/25/2014 - Tylenol No Better Than Sugar Pills For Helping Back Pain
7/25/2014 - Grandpa Looking Absolutely Precious In New Baseball Cap
7/25/2014 - Scientists: Rich People, Poor People May Have Shared Common Ancestor
7/25/2014 - Executioner Enters Lethal Injection Room With Bag From Home Depot
7/25/2014 - Report: Most Americans Have Enough Saved For Retirement To Live Comfortably On Streets
7/25/2014 - Tips For Choosing A Good Babysitter
7/25/2014 - Report: Countless Invasive Species Detained In EPA Black Sites
7/25/2014 - Roger Goodell To NFL Players: 'Murdering Your Wife Will Result In Automatic 4-Game Suspension'
7/25/2014 - Study Finds Dogs Can Experience Jealousy
7/25/2014 - Undeveloped Pictures Of The Kennedys
7/24/2014 - Comic-Con Holding First-Ever Transgender Panel
7/24/2014 - Nation’s Gratuitously Sexual Couples Announce Plans To Wait In Line At Six Flags
7/24/2014 - Comic-Con Opens With Traditional Superhero Flyover
7/24/2014 - Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesn’t Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough
7/24/2014 - Obama To Cut Costs By Packing Lunch Every Day For U.S. Populace
7/24/2014 - Least Motivational Self-Help Books
7/24/2014 - Rape Investigation Finds Star College Quarterback Has Got The Goods
7/24/2014 - Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesn’t Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough
7/24/2014 - Israel’s, Hamas’ Disregard For Palestinian Life Aligning Nicely
7/24/2014 - Travel Agency
7/24/2014 - Couples Battling For Trendy 12/13/14 Wedding Date
7/24/2014 - How Your Amazon Order Reaches You
7/24/2014 - Michael Bay Gives Fans Sneak Peek At Ninja Turtles’ Hyper-Realistic CGI Genitals
7/24/2014 - 93% Of Americans Admit They Occasionally Check Behind Shower Curtain For Bad Guys
7/23/2014 - Israel: Palestinians Given Ample Time To Evacuate To Nearby Bombing Sites
7/23/2014 - Mysterious White Surrender Flags Appear Above Brooklyn Bridge
7/23/2014 - Frustrated Employee No Longer Even Trying To Hide GRE Study Books
7/23/2014 - Bud Selig Still Hoping To See Game At Every Major League Baseball Stadium
7/23/2014 - AP Reporter In Gaza Needs Another Term For ‘Blood-Soaked’
7/23/2014 - Study Finds Only 5% Of Americans Have Correct Amount Of Pride In Country
7/23/2014 - Report: Climate Change Skeptics Could Reach Catastrophic Levels By 2020
7/23/2014 - NYC Approves Apartment Building With Separate ‘Rich Doors,’ ‘Poor Doors’
7/22/2014 - Area Man Knows Exactly Which Relatives Would Be Problem If He Ever Came Into Money
7/22/2014 - New Toyota ‘Driver Easy Speak’ Feature Helps Parents Yell At Children In Back Of Car
7/22/2014 - Lifeguard Would Save Drowning Man, But Who Is He To Play God?
7/22/2014 - Roommates Still Don’t Know Each Other Well Enough To Not Speak
7/22/2014 - Who Is Vladimir Putin?
7/22/2014 - New Anti-Abortion Legislation Requires Doctors To Scale 18-Foot Wall Surrounding Clinic
7/22/2014 - IKEA Placing Cardboard Cutouts Of Dogs In Furniture Showrooms To Encourage Adoption
7/22/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 22, 2014
7/22/2014 - Give It To Me As Roundabout And Sugarcoated As Possible, Doc
7/21/2014 - Facebook Testing Out ‘Buy’ Button
7/21/2014 - Texans Confident They Have Right Pieces In Place To Make Deep Preseason Run
7/21/2014 - Man In Elevator In On Conversation Now
7/21/2014 - Marvel Reimagines Green Goblin As Left-Handed
7/21/2014 - Would You Let Your Son Play Football?
7/21/2014 - Study Finds High School Students Retain Only One-Third Of Obsolete Curriculum Over Summer
7/21/2014 - Man’s Anxiety Not About To Let Depression Muscle In On Turf
7/21/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 21, 2014
7/21/2014 - Report: More Parents Hiring Drug-Sniffing Dogs To Find Kids’ Pot
7/21/2014 - Wolf Rider: Episode 4 "The Wolf That Learned to Fly"
7/21/2014 - Crossing The Lime
7/18/2014 - BREAKING: Cavaliers Agree To Trade Andrew Wiggins, LeBron James For Kevin Love
7/18/2014 - Report: Majority Of UFO Abductions Committed By Alien That Person Knows
7/18/2014 - Snowden: NSA Agents Pass Around Nude Photos
7/18/2014 - Palestinians Starting To Have Mixed Feelings About Being Used As Human Shields
7/18/2014 - Palestinians Prepare For Massive Ground Invasion
7/18/2014 - Mom $15,000 In The Hole With Ceramic Frog Dealer
7/18/2014 - 20 Businessmen Over 15 Inches
7/18/2014 - Marriage Going To Be Hard To Go Back To On Monday
7/18/2014 - Report: 76ers Have Enough Cap Space To Infuriate Fan Base
7/18/2014 - KKK Recruiting Kids By Handing Out Candy
7/17/2014 - Man Concerned He Spread Himself Too Thin Between Eating Sandwich, Watching Television
7/17/2014 - Study: Sexy Facebook Profile Pics May Hurt Women At Work
7/17/2014 - New Study Finds Most Of Earth’s Oxygen Used For Complaining
7/17/2014 - Mom $15,000 In The Hole With Ceramic Frog Dealer
7/17/2014 - God Pledges $5,000 For Cancer Research
7/17/2014 - Why Are We Sending Our Food Back?
7/17/2014 - Christoph Kramer Still In Brazil Celebrating Germany World Cup Win
7/17/2014 - Everyone In Middle East Given Own Country In 317,000,000-State Solution
7/17/2014 - Mom Starting To Fear Son’s Web Series Closest Thing She Will Have To Grandchild
7/17/2014 - NASA: Humans Will Find Aliens Within Next 20 Years
7/16/2014 - Marvel Announces Thor Will Now Be Represented As A Woman
7/16/2014 - Voters Clamoring To Know If Female Political Candidate A Mother First
7/16/2014 - NASA Announces Plans To Launch Chimpanzee Into Sun
7/16/2014 - Brazilian Government Posts Listings For 12 Soccer Stadiums On Craigslist
7/16/2014 - Police Department Reduces Costs By Using Same Evidence For Every Investigation
7/16/2014 - Breaking: Tour De France On Hold As Cyclists Ride Over To Creek To Check Out Bugs
7/16/2014 - New Plus-Size Clothing Store To Play Pre-Recorded Compliments In Fitting Rooms
7/15/2014 - Archie Andrews Dies Taking Bullet For Openly Gay Friend
7/15/2014 - Baseball Fans Excited For All-Star Game, Theoretically
7/15/2014 - Report Confirms No Need To Make New Chairs For The Time Being
7/15/2014 - Understanding The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
7/15/2014 - Whitewater Rafting Trip In Which Friend Drowned Still Pretty Fun
7/15/2014 - Shit, Guy In Front Of You Ordering For Entire Construction Crew
7/15/2014 - Deadly Super Rainbow Tears Through West Coast
7/15/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 15, 2014
7/15/2014 - Study: Women Threatened By Peers Wearing Red
7/15/2014 - Putting Ice Cream In Bowl Momentarily Considered
7/14/2014 - World Cup Draws Record US Television Ratings
7/14/2014 - Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl Recaptured By Taliban After Wandering Off Texas Base
7/14/2014 - Man Needs Verbal Assurance That Hand Stamp Will Get Him Back In
7/14/2014 - Study Finds People On Dates Know Within 30 Seconds If Other Person Is Newt Gingrich
7/14/2014 - Youngest Sibling In Family Kind Of Thought Mom Would Lose Steam By Now
7/14/2014 - Wolf Rider: Episode 3 "With This Ring, I Thee Howl"
7/14/2014 - Messi: ‘I’m Sorry I Let Down The People Of Barcelona’
7/14/2014 - World Cup Inspires Whole New Generation Of Foreign Players To Someday Play For U.S.
7/14/2014 - Time Of The Seasoned
7/14/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 14, 2014
7/14/2014 - Woman Dots Her ‘I’s With Cute Round Marks
7/14/2014 - ‘Hunger Games’ Name Among Most Popular Of 2014
7/13/2014 - Germans Humiliated After Winning World Cup 6.38 Seconds Behind Schedule
7/11/2014 - 2014 World Cup Final Preview
7/11/2014 - First Transgender Person Nominated For Emmy
7/11/2014 - LeBron James Guarantees Cleveland Will Win Numerous Regular Season Games
7/11/2014 - Two Dozen Restaurant Patrons Made Violently Ill From Marriage Proposal
7/11/2014 - Study Finds Humans Only Animals Capable Of Recognizing Former Selves In Mirror
7/11/2014 - Prodigal Asshole Returns
7/11/2014 - Community A Wasteland Of Professional Athletes’ Failed Side Businesses
7/11/2014 - Study: 20% Of High School Seniors Smoke Hookahs
7/10/2014 - Man Failing To Heed Harsh Lessons Of Past Orders Sonic Bacon Cheeseburger Toaster
7/10/2014 - Man Confused By Compliment From Person Whose Career He Can’t Help
7/10/2014 - NFL Releases New Study On Dangers Of Concussions In Youth Soccer
7/10/2014 - The Onion Reviews 'Dawn of the Planet of the Apes'
7/10/2014 - Judge: Insane Clown Posse Juggalos Can Be Classified As Gang
7/10/2014 - Man Who Watched Most Of World Cup Match Knows Exactly How To Fix U.S. Team
7/10/2014 - Why Are We Waiting To Have Children?
7/10/2014 - Land The Perfect Job By Having Your Rich Dad Set You Up
7/10/2014 - Criminal Prosecuted To Fullest Extent Of Budget
7/10/2014 - Why Hotel Rooms Cost So Much
7/10/2014 - Three World-Shaping Visionaries Hail Cottonelle Flushable Wipes As Mankind’s Greatest Achievement
7/10/2014 - Study Finds Children Of Same-Sex Parents Happier And Healthier
7/9/2014 - British Royal Family Places Queen Elizabeth In Nursing Home
7/9/2014 - Mick Jagger Blamed For Brazil’s Historic World Cup Defeat
7/9/2014 - Obama Always Freaked Out By People Standing Above Him Smiling Whenever He Signs Bill
7/9/2014 - Friend Takes Liberty Of Ordering $40 Worth Of Appetizers For Entire Table
7/9/2014 - 45 Million Gallons Of Crude Blood Lost In Red Cross Pipeline Rupture
7/9/2014 - Legal Dream Team Of Coworkers Counsel Woman On Strategy For Speeding Ticket
7/9/2014 - ‘Cats’ Musical To Feature Rapping Cat
7/8/2014 - Brazil Dedicates 7-1 Defeat To Neymar
7/8/2014 - Magnanimous Boss, King Of Kings, Allows Employees To Watch World Cup In Office
7/8/2014 - Elderly Man Can’t Wait For Senility To Erase Lifetime Of Regretful Memories
7/8/2014 - Crumbs Cupcake Shops Out Of Business
7/8/2014 - Breaking: LeBron James Leaning Toward Joining Al-Qaeda
7/8/2014 - German Team Hoping To Lift Nation’s Spirit Following Reports Of 5% Unemployment
7/8/2014 - Bored Scientists Now Just Sticking Random Things Into Large Hadron Collider
7/8/2014 - Moon Finally Hatches
7/8/2014 - Inside Harry Potter World’s New Diagon Alley
7/8/2014 - Few More Items Knocked Off List Of Desirable Traits In Partner As Woman Turns Year Older
7/8/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 8, 2014
7/8/2014 - Study: Psychedelic Mushrooms May Be Good For Brain
7/7/2014 - TSA To Prohibit Uncharged Electronic Devices
7/7/2014 - Environmental Study Finds Air In Chicago Now 75% Bullets
7/7/2014 - Each Line Of MasterCard Billing Statement Evokes Infuriating Vacation Memory
7/7/2014 - Man Flirting With Girl At Party Can’t Wait To Be Informed She Has Boyfriend
7/7/2014 - The Only Person Who Can Help Me Get A Bus To Yonkers Is You
7/7/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 7, 2014
7/7/2014 - Ravens Warn Rookies To Save Some Extra Money For Bail
7/7/2014 - Man Pushing Self To Point Of Effort
7/7/2014 - Right To Bare Arms
7/7/2014 - Study: Too Much TV Can Lead To Early Death
7/7/2014 - Wolf Rider: Episode 2 "Every Dog Has Its Day"
7/7/2014 - Delayed Rocket Launch Causes Astronaut To Miss Connecting Flight
7/2/2014 - Man Regrets Straying From Sour Cream And Onion Potato Chips
7/2/2014 - Red Lobster Celebrates Return Of Annual All-You-Can-Eat Krill Fest
7/2/2014 - Report: End Zones Are The 2 Big Trees And The Parking Lot
7/1/2014 - Epic Mashup Countdown
7/1/2014 - Meat Prices Skyrocket After Cow Smashing Machine Gets All Beefed Up
7/1/2014 - Cracks In Facade Visible As Teen Enters Third Day Vacationing With Friend’s Family
7/1/2014 - Fireworks Safety Tips
7/1/2014 - Obama Narrowly Misses Quarterly Performance Bonus
7/1/2014 - Little-Known Facts About The Founding Fathers
7/1/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 1, 2014
7/1/2014 - Insufferable Man Utters Words ‘Craft Beer Movement’
7/1/2014 - Wolf Rider: Episode 1. "The Calling"