Sitemap
2014 November
11/28/2014 - Black Friday 2014: Best Deals & Bargains
11/28/2014 - A New Brad, Part 2 - Ep. 11
11/27/2014 - NYC Restaurant Offering $35,000 Thanksgiving Dinner
11/26/2014 - Weird Wooden Chair Pressed Into Service For Thanksgiving
11/26/2014 - Families Of Bears Players Ask To Have Faces Blurred Out During Thanksgiving Promos
11/26/2014 - Top Thanksgiving Side Dishes
11/26/2014 - Younger Cousin’s Growth Spurt Throws Off Competitive Balance At Family’s Thanksgiving Touch Football Game
11/26/2014 - Thanksgiving Affords Nation Rare Opportunity To Eat Large Amounts Of Food While Watching Football
11/26/2014 - Man At Airport Pissed That Other People Had Same Idea To Go Home For Thanksgiving
11/26/2014 - Everyone In Family Compliments Grandmother On How Small And Feeble She’s Gotten
11/25/2014 - NFL To Crack Down On Players For Excessive Thanksgiving Celebrations
11/25/2014 - Budweiser Retiring Clydesdale Ads In Grab For Millennials
11/25/2014 - Ferguson Prosecutor: Cable News ‘Most Significant Challenge Encountered’ In Investigation
11/25/2014 - Ferguson Decision Reaffirms Right Of Police To Use Deadly Force When They Feel Sufficiently Inclined
11/25/2014 - Nation Doesn’t Know If It Can Take Another Bullshit Speech About Healing
11/25/2014 - Last-Minute Holiday Travel Tips
11/25/2014 - Report: U.S. Students Lead World In Knowledge Of Common Household Items That Will Give You Buzz
11/25/2014 - Town Considers Replacing Ugly Christmas Tree After Public Outcry
11/25/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 25, 2014
11/25/2014 - Jason Garrett Insists He Can Trace Coaching Tree Back To Mayflower
11/25/2014 - Alcoholic Father Granted Posthumous Sainthood By Catholic Family
11/25/2014 - Roger Goodell Ceremonially Pardons Turkey Accused Of Domestic Violence
11/25/2014 - Report: Majority Of Americans Know Which YouTube Clip They’ll Post Following Dustin Hoffman’s Death
11/25/2014 - Woman Launches Into 4-Minute Self-Deprecating Preamble Before Speaking Mind
11/24/2014 - Nestlé Developing ‘Exercise In A Bottle’
11/24/2014 - Do You Plan To Start Shopping On Thanksgiving Day?
11/24/2014 - Iranian Team Openly Working On Bomb In Negotiating Room
11/24/2014 - Heavy Police Presence In Ferguson To Ensure Residents Adequately Provoked
11/24/2014 - NFL Week 12 Winners And Losers
11/24/2014 - Aspiring Politician Hopes Government Leaves Some Women’s Rights For Him To Gut One Day
11/24/2014 - Lettuce Sentenced To Slow, Painful Death In Vegetable Crisper Drawer
11/24/2014 - Ferguson Pool Supply Store Overestimating How Badly Looters Want Chlorine Tablets
11/24/2014 - New Contraception Law Would Require Teenagers To Consult With 3 Different Peers Before Selecting Birth Control Method
11/24/2014 - Allowance To Teach Child Importance Of Parental Dependence
11/24/2014 - Driving Instructor Has Own Gas Pedal In Case Student Total Pussy
11/24/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of November 24, 2014
11/24/2014 - Study: Women In Power More Prone To Depression
11/24/2014 - Plymouth Crock
11/24/2014 - Time Traveler From 2008 Freaked Out By Guy Wearing Google Glass While Smoking E-Cigarette
11/22/2014 - It Becoming More And More Clear That Browns Fan Came To Sports Bar Alone
11/21/2014 - Major Networks Opt Out Of Airing Obama Immigration Speech
11/21/2014 - Rookie Teammate Worried Ndamukong Suh Taking Him Under Wing
11/21/2014 - Fantasy Football Week 12: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em
11/21/2014 - Report: More Elderly People Now Dying Surrounded By Coworkers
11/21/2014 - How Obama's Immigration Plan Would Work
11/21/2014 - Immigration In America: The Path To Second-Class Citizenship
11/21/2014 - Corporate America Shaken By Death Of Longtime Consumer
11/21/2014 - Bill Cosby Offers To Sit Down With Us And Explain The Allegations Against Him Over A Glass Of Wine
11/21/2014 - ‘Normal Barbie’ Updated To Include Scars, Acne, Cellulite
11/21/2014 - Moron Stepfather Takes Care Of Child Who Doesn’t Have His Genetic Material
11/21/2014 - Gay Man Unaware He Focus Of Thousands Of Prayers
11/21/2014 - Oven Preheated For 16 Seconds
11/21/2014 - A New Brad, Part 1 - Ep. 11
11/20/2014 - 5 Million Illegal Immigrants To Realize Dreams Of Having Deportation Deferred
11/20/2014 - NBC, Netflix Cancel Bill Cosby’s Return To TV Amid Rape Allegations
11/20/2014 - Doctors Reveal Derrick Rose Injuries Leading To Incredible New Advancements In Orthopedic Surgery
11/20/2014 - Temple University Receives Anonymous Donation To Build Center For Discrediting Rape Allegations
11/20/2014 - Desperate GOP Spotted In South Dakota Trying To Build Keystone Pipeline Themselves
11/20/2014 - 9 Most Popular Dog Breeds
11/20/2014 - Owner's Box: Your Friend’s Death Could Leave 6-8 Quality Starters For Pick Up
11/20/2014 - Makeshift Opinion Thrown Together From Viewpoint Currently Dominating Conversation
11/20/2014 - Least Notorious Serial Killers
11/20/2014 - Biden Tossed Out Of Car Passing By White House
11/20/2014 - Study: Kids Throwing Away Healthier School Lunches
11/20/2014 - A Timeline Of Upcoming Superhero Movies
11/20/2014 - Area Theater Has Strict Rule Against Bringing In Outside Movies
11/19/2014 - Senate Rejects Pipeline Plan That Would Have Created Thousands Of Climate Activist Jobs
11/19/2014 - Man Just Wants One Trip To Laundromat Where He Doesn’t Meet Perfect Woman
11/19/2014 - Charles Manson To Marry 26-Year-Old Visitor-Girlfriend, ‘Star’
11/19/2014 - Study: Beginning Email With Short, Disingenuous Inquiry Into Personal Life Best Way To Network
11/19/2014 - Man Going To Trust Society’s Determination That He Deserves His Privilege
11/19/2014 - Seasonal Depression To Take Over For Chronic Depression For A Few Months
11/19/2014 - U-Haul Offers Discount For Customers Who Will Just Move Back Home In 18 Months After Failure To Make It In Major City
11/19/2014 - Woman Transitions From Being Terrified Of Getting Pregnant To Being Terrified She Can’t Get Pregnant
11/19/2014 - Mellowing Jihadist Not As Enraged By Western Culture As He Used To Be
11/18/2014 - Smartphone App Prevents Drunk Users From Posting On Social Media
11/18/2014 - Man Scolded By Brother-In-Law For Not Taking Better Advantage Of Open Bar
11/18/2014 - Oxford Names ‘Vape’ Word Of The Year
11/18/2014 - Online Shopping vs. In-Store Shopping
11/18/2014 - Scientists Receive $10 Million Grant To Melt Stuff
11/18/2014 - McDonald’s Won’t Use GMO ‘Innate’ Potatoes
11/18/2014 - Man, If I Only Knew Back In High School What I Still Have No Clue About
11/18/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 18, 2014
11/18/2014 - EPA Unveils Plan To Add 500 Million Squirts Of Lemon To U.S. Water Supply
11/17/2014 - Girlfriend Talks Through Whole Goddamn Commercial
11/17/2014 - Facebook Reportedly Building LinkedIn-Style ‘Facebook At Work’
11/17/2014 - Pacific Ocean Quarantined After Contact With Carnival Cruise Ship
11/17/2014 - Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted
11/17/2014 - Cos And Effect
11/17/2014 - NFL Week 11 Winners And Losers
11/17/2014 - Do You Consider Yourself A Feminist?
11/17/2014 - Lester Holt Fills In For Brian Williams During Family’s Nightly Dinner
11/17/2014 - New History Channel Program Explores What Would Have Happened If History Channel Never Existed
11/17/2014 - Son Never Showed Such Dedication Until Starting Football Hazing
11/17/2014 - Study: Playing Action Video Games Can Make Children Better Learners
11/17/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of November 17, 2014
11/17/2014 - Today's Technology
11/14/2014 - Mitsubishi From ‘The Fast And The Furious’ Lands First Directorial Role
11/14/2014 - Report: 98% Of NFL Team Leaders Need To Step Up
11/14/2014 - Mall To Fine Shops $200 Per Hour For Being Closed On Thanksgiving
11/14/2014 - Band Dreams Of One Day Becoming Popular Enough To Alienate Early Fans
11/14/2014 - Man Sort Of Curious What His Last Straw Is Going To Be
11/14/2014 - High School Sweethearts To One Day Tell Grandchildren How They Met During Lockdown
11/14/2014 - School District Strikes All Religious Holidays From Calendar After Muslims Request Inclusion
11/14/2014 - Fantasy Football Week 11: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em
11/14/2014 - Florida State Coaches Award Helmet Sticker To Tallahassee Police Officer
11/14/2014 - Chinese Citizens Gather In Beijing Square To Watch U.S. National Debt Clock Strike $18 Trillion
11/14/2014 - Hip, Laid-Back Doctor Refers To Influenza As ‘The Flu’
11/14/2014 - New Law To Forgive Student Debt For College Graduates Once All Their Dreams Shattered
11/14/2014 - Bonus Scene: Intervention Prep
11/13/2014 - Calvin Klein Criticized After Hiring Size-10 Model For Plus-Size Line
11/13/2014 - All The Cheapest Items On Wedding Registry Already Purchased
11/13/2014 - Married Couple Frustrated After Months Of Unsuccessfully Trying To Sell A Baby
11/13/2014 - Man Tentatively Takes Shot At Bad-Mouthing Girlfriend’s Family For First Time
11/13/2014 - NFL Opens Counseling Center To Help Bears Fans Cope With Devastating Blowouts
11/13/2014 - Why Are We Putting Our Pet Up For Adoption?
11/13/2014 - Family Has Strict No Smartphone Rule While Eating Dinner In Front Of TV
11/13/2014 - Woman Comforting Friend Just Going To Throw Compliments Against Wall And See What Sticks
11/13/2014 - 10th-Grade Prodigy Studying Mathematics At 10th-Grade Level
11/13/2014 - Astronomers Discover Planet Identical To Earth With Orbital Space Mirror
11/13/2014 - Owner's Box: Marc Trestman Adopts Baby To Save Relationship With Bears
11/13/2014 - Area Man's Life Comes To Tragic Middle
11/12/2014 - White Supremacist Founds New KKK Chapter Open To Black, Gay People
11/12/2014 - Job Perks And Benefits That Companies Offer Employees
11/12/2014 - God Unable To Remember What Year Humanity Goes Extinct
11/12/2014 - Congress Passes Bill To Add Armed Patrol To U.S. Poverty Line
11/12/2014 - Walmart Turning Black Friday Into 5-Day Event
11/12/2014 - China Vows To Begin Aggressively Falsifying Air Pollution Numbers
11/12/2014 - Man Trying To Enter Conversation Spends Few Minutes Smiling And Nodding At Edge Of Circle
11/12/2014 - Senate Democrats Hoping To Go Out In Final Blaze Of Glory By Passing One Last Neutered Bill
11/12/2014 - Report: Friend’s Dad Knows Someone With Season Tickets
11/11/2014 - Nicki Minaj Apologizes For Nazi-Inspired Music Video
11/11/2014 - Obamacare Architect: Law Passed Because Of ‘Stupidity Of The American Voter’
11/11/2014 -
Sesame Street
’s 45th Anniversary: A Look Back
11/11/2014 - Jay Cutler: ‘I’ll Be The First Person To Admit We Need A New Punter’
11/11/2014 - Young Child Still Developing Antibodies To Mountain Dew
11/11/2014 - Pepsi Testing ‘Dewitos,’ Doritos-Flavored Mountain Dew
11/11/2014 - No One Should Have The Right To Die Until God Is Done Toying With Them
11/11/2014 - Report: None Of Good Cousins Coming To Thanksgiving This Year
11/11/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 11, 2014
11/11/2014 - Man Has No Idea What To Do With Visiting Friend Between Meals
11/11/2014 - Completely Uninhibited Party Guest Still Choosing To Talk About Work
11/11/2014 - Report: America Still World Leader In Manufacturing Excuses
11/11/2014 - Authorities Break Into Man's House To Find Dozens Of Neglected Fantasy Teams
11/10/2014 - Mild-Mannered Reporter Suddenly Transforms Into Incredible Unemployed Man
11/10/2014 - Modest ISIS Leader Credits Promotion Entirely To Drone Strikes
11/10/2014 - Custom Fireplace Store Totally Jumps Gentrification Gun
11/10/2014 - Study: Laundry Detergent Pods Pose Risk To Children
11/10/2014 - Ted Cruz’s Wife Shudders After Noticing Twin Beds Pushed Together
11/10/2014 - NFL Week 10 Winners And Losers
11/10/2014 - Facebook To Fight Ebola With News Feed Donation Drive
11/10/2014 - More Americans Putting Off Marriage Until Ultimatum
11/10/2014 - Man Announces Plan To Take Out Anger On First Less Powerful Person He Sees
11/10/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of November 10, 2014
11/10/2014 - Arrest Development
11/7/2014 - Fantasy Football Week 10: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em
11/7/2014 - It Unclear Which Half Of Couple Settling
11/7/2014 - Pet Adoption Tips
11/7/2014 - Baby Hippo Born To Mother On Birth Control
11/7/2014 - CNN Holds Morning Meeting To Decide What Viewers Should Panic About For Rest Of Day
11/7/2014 - Presidential Castrato Brought Into Oval Office To Soothe Obama’s Nerves
11/7/2014 - Foster Home Gets New Shipment
11/7/2014 - Report: 45% Of All Randomly Paired Freshman Roommates Now At Breaking Point
11/7/2014 - Navy Forms Elite New SEAL Team To Write Best-Selling Tell-All Books
11/7/2014 - Family Revels In Height Difference Between Mother And Tall Son
11/7/2014 - A Surprise Alliance - Ep. 10
11/6/2014 - Police Department To Post Pictures Of Prostitutes, Johns On Facebook As Last Stand Against Illegal Sex Work
11/6/2014 - Study: 83% Of Web Content Unfit For Human Consumption
11/6/2014 - The Pros And Cons Of Freezing Your Eggs
11/6/2014 - The Onion Reviews 'Interstellar'
11/6/2014 - How Are We Making A Difference?
11/6/2014 - Area Man Too Deep Into Haircut To Start Talking To Barber Now
11/6/2014 - Injury That Will Cause Excruciating Pain For Rest Of Life Thankfully Not Season-Ending
11/6/2014 - Ira Glass Exhausted From Doing Every Single Voice On ‘This American Life’
11/6/2014 - Baskin-Robbins To Honor Veterans With ‘First Class Camouflage’ Ice Cream
11/6/2014 - NFL Issues Stern Warning Against Looking Directly At Raiders' Offense
11/5/2014 - Wrong Turn Finds Man On Poor Side Of Mall
11/5/2014 - McConnell Promises To ‘Restore Hope, Confidence, And Optimism’ In Senate Takeover
11/5/2014 - Morbidly Curious Nation Wondering How Far Obama’s Appearance Will Deteriorate In 2 Years
11/5/2014 - New Employee Has Never Known Decadent Pleasures Of Old Office
11/5/2014 -
Farmers’ Almanac
Predicting Short Season For Primetime Dramas
11/5/2014 - Man Tinkering With Anecdote Set List Before Next Date
11/5/2014 - Ovulation Calendar Just The Ticket For Rekindling Couple’s Lagging Sex Life
11/5/2014 - Vacationing Secretary Of Homeland Security Asks Neighbor To Keep Eye On Nation Over Weekend
11/5/2014 - Clothing Company Releases Gender-Neutral Underwear
11/5/2014 - Life-Changing Epiphany Wears Off On Ride Home
11/5/2014 - Philadelphia-Area Sports Psychologist Already Clearing Schedule For Mark Sanchez
11/5/2014 - ESPN Curious If You Have Ever Considered Playing Fantasy Football
11/4/2014 - Republicans Poised To Retain Control Of Senate
11/4/2014 - Voter Interest At Record Low For Midterm Elections
11/4/2014 - Congressman To Attempt Living Off Military’s Budget For One Month
11/4/2014 - NFL Releases New Study On Long-Term Damage Of Concussion Research
11/4/2014 - The Onion’s Guide To Voting
11/4/2014 - Whenever I Feel Sad, I Just Go Down To The Wreck Of The Titanic
11/4/2014 - Election 2014: America Gives Democracy One Last Shot
11/4/2014 - Dating Website Ordered To Pay $600,000 For Creating Fake Profiles
11/4/2014 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 4, 2014
11/4/2014 - Elementary Schoolers Depressed After Getting Look At Voters Filing Out Of Gymnasium
11/4/2014 - Family Impressed By Extra Effort Father Putting In To Hide Drinking
11/4/2014 - Laid-Back Company Allows Employees To Work From Home After 6 P.M.
11/4/2014 - First-Time Voter Will Always Remember Day He Cast Ballot For Nick Barborak
11/4/2014 - Single Strip Of ‘I Voted’ Stickers More Than Enough For Midterm Polling Station
11/3/2014 - Victoria’s Secret Under Fire For ‘Perfect Body’ Campaign
11/3/2014 - White House Lawn Covered In Congressional Campaign Signs
11/3/2014 - NFL Week Nine Winners And Losers
11/3/2014 - Museum’s Audio Guide Informs Visitors How Much More They Getting Out Of Experience Than Others
11/3/2014 - Do You Believe Nurses Returning From West Africa Should Be Quarantined?
11/3/2014 - Homeless Child Apparently Unaware He Lives In Nanny State
11/3/2014 - Man On Gurney Has Brief Word With Protagonist Before Entering Ambulance
11/3/2014 - Study: Women With More Children Are More Productive At Work
11/3/2014 - Majestic Pine Recruited For Yosemite By National Park Headhunters
11/3/2014 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of November 3, 2014
11/3/2014 - Owner's Box: Andrew Luck Questionable After Finding Out About Death
11/3/2014 - Just My Type