8/31/2016 - Study: Dogs Recognize Human Speech, Tone

8/31/2016 - Tips For Cleaning Out Your Attic

8/31/2016 - Housefly Tracks Dog Shit All Over Cucumber Slice

8/31/2016 - How Big-Budget Movies Flop

8/31/2016 - Precocious 4-Year-Old Already Feels Terrible About Herself

8/31/2016 - Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

8/31/2016 - Greek Populace Woken Up At 6 A.M. By Angela Merkel’s Voice Booming Through Loudspeakers Across Country

8/31/2016 - Iran Rolls Out Own Internet Service

8/30/2016 - ‘Astronauts’ Complete Mars Simulation

8/30/2016 - How To Care For A Baby As A First-Time Parent

8/30/2016 - Mom To Boil Mouthguard Just For Herself For A Change

8/30/2016 - The Thing No One Tells You When You Become A Parent Is That NASA Is Conspiring To Overthrow The U.S. Government

8/30/2016 - College Professor Reminds Students It Will Take A Few Classes To Memorize Everyone’s Triggers

8/30/2016 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

8/30/2016 - Amazon Opening Brick-And-Mortar Bookstores

8/30/2016 - Office Manager Unveils New Rule

8/30/2016 - Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God

8/29/2016 - Veiled Threat

8/29/2016 - Weiner Caught In New Sext Scandal

8/29/2016 - What Is The ‘Alt-Right’?

8/29/2016 - Clinton Debunks Rumors About Health By Telling Audience Exact Day She Will Die

8/29/2016 - Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

8/29/2016 - Dirty, Bearded Vince Foster Bursts Through Doors Of Clinton Fundraiser

8/29/2016 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of August 29, 2016

8/29/2016 - Dad Shares Photo Album Through Never-Before-Seen Website

8/29/2016 - Caffeine Tolerance Might Be Genetic

8/29/2016 - Pretty Decent 13th Birthday Party Taking Place At Week 3 Preseason Game

8/28/2016 - Tips For Securing The U.S.–Mexico Border

8/26/2016 - Robotic Dolls Linked To Higher Pregnancy Rate

8/26/2016 - Most Popular National Parks

8/26/2016 - How Obamacare Can Be Improved

8/26/2016 - Sudden Resurfacing Of File Called ‘Lyrics.doc’ A Chilling Reminder Of Life Thought Left Behind

8/26/2016 - Tyra Banks To Teach MBA Class On Personal Branding

8/26/2016 - Smithsonian Acquires Rare Photograph Where Whole Family Looks Really Nice

8/26/2016 - Empty Inner Tube Ominously Exits Mouth Of Lazy River

8/25/2016 - Nation Feels Terrible For Wife Of Little League World Series Coach

8/25/2016 - Government Slams High Cost Of EpiPens

8/25/2016 - Tips For High School Athletes

8/25/2016 - NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

8/25/2016 - Company Encourages Women Who Have Been Sexually Harassed To Come Forward With Resignation Letter

8/25/2016 - Encouraging Report From Radical Extremist Think Tank Finds America No Safer Since 9/11

8/25/2016 - Incoming Class Of Subway Trainees Spends Week Practicing On Sandwich Cadavers

8/25/2016 - A Primer On Everyday Sexism

8/25/2016 - Tips For Running A Clean Campaign

8/25/2016 - Eric Trump Poses With Carcass Of Safari Guide Shot On African Hunting Trip

8/25/2016 - Ramen Now Most Popular Prison Currency

8/24/2016 - Forbes Names Jennifer Lawrence Highest Paid Actress

8/24/2016 - How To Stop Smoking

8/24/2016 - Dad Thinks Son Has What It Takes To Become Embittered Alcoholic Minor League Journeyman

8/24/2016 - Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

8/24/2016 - Styrofoam Clamshell Hiding Exquisite Pearl Of Pulled Pork Sandwich

8/24/2016 - Justice Department To End Use Of Private Prisons

8/24/2016 - Perky Optimist Brings Joy Everywhere She Leaves

8/24/2016 - Mom Learns About New Vegetable

8/23/2016 - Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

8/23/2016 - Tips For A Successful Job Interview

8/23/2016 - I Can’t Imagine My Wedding Day Without You Sitting There Uncomfortably At A Table Full Of People You Don’t Know

8/23/2016 - NASA Locates Lost Spacecraft

8/23/2016 - Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

8/23/2016 - New Study Recommends Insects Spend At Least 30 Minutes Skittering Per Day

8/23/2016 - Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

8/23/2016 - Pope Francis Warns Catholics This Not Good Time To Bother God

8/23/2016 - Satellite Images Could Predict Poverty

8/23/2016 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 23, 2016

8/23/2016 - Most Popular Conspiracy Theories

8/22/2016 - Congress Allocates $500 Million For Development Of Funkier Bass Lines

8/22/2016 - Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

8/22/2016 - How Colleges Are Keeping Their Campuses Safe

8/22/2016 - Illinois Removes Tampon Tax

8/22/2016 - Report: Some Dumb Fuck Out There Probably Wants His City To Host Olympics Now

8/22/2016 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of August 22, 2016

8/22/2016 - An Offer-cer You Can’t Refuse

8/22/2016 - Media Intern Looking Forward To Moving Up At Company That Won’t Exist In 8 Months

8/22/2016 - Beauty Industry To Consumers: ‘You Like Short Hair Now’

8/22/2016 - Twitter Deletes Pro-Terrorist Accounts

8/21/2016 - ‘Keep It,’ Says Simone Biles Throwing Gold Medal To Adoring U.S. Men’s Gymnastics Team

8/20/2016 - Olympic Officials: ‘On The Whole, Only 4 Or 5 Really Terrible Things Happened’

8/20/2016 - Olympians Console Crying Bob Costas During Closing Ceremonies

8/19/2016 - Half The World Will Watch 2016 Olympics

8/19/2016 - Tips For Investing Your Money

8/19/2016 - Each Member Of Family On Edge As Vacation Has Gone By Without One Blowout Fight

8/19/2016 - Russian Olympic Officials Concerned After Learning Team’s Clean Urine Reservoir Almost Empty

8/19/2016 - Gold Medalist Triple-Jumper: ‘It’s All About Jumping Twice, And Then Jumping One More Time’

8/19/2016 - Rio Police Warn Olympic Runners To Avoid Miles 4 Through 23 Of Marathon Course

8/19/2016 - Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

8/19/2016 - Non-Dominant Hand Completely Botches Nail Clipping Job

8/19/2016 - ‘I Am Cait’ Canceled

8/18/2016 - Trump Spends Entire Classified National Security Briefing Asking About ​Egyptian ​Mummies

8/18/2016 - Ryan Lochte Now Changing Account Of Events Going Back Years Before Robbery

8/18/2016 - Tips For Using Online Dating Sites

8/18/2016 - New Series To Investigate JonBenet Ramsey Case

8/18/2016 - How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around

8/18/2016 - How Does A Hive Mind Keep A Synchronized Swimming Team So Coordinated?

8/18/2016 - NSA: ‘Can Somebody Good At Computers Help Us?’

8/18/2016 - Celiac Disease Linked To Region, Season

8/18/2016 - Grandmother Doesn’t Care For New Priest

8/18/2016 - Olympic Spectator Wins $100,000 After Hitting Midfield Javelin Throw

8/18/2016 - Restaurant’s Eating Challenge Rewards Any Patron Who Can Consume Reasonably Portioned Meal

8/18/2016 - Olympic Fan Amazed By Grit And Determination Shown By Dan Patrick During Small Talk With Bob Costas

8/17/2016 - Aetna Pulls Out Of Obamacare Markets

8/17/2016 - Commonly Misused Words

8/17/2016 - Giddy Tim Kaine Presses Face Against Campaign Bus Window As Horse Trailer Drives By

8/17/2016 - 37-Year-Old Makes Absolutely Heartbreaking Last-Ditch Effort To Get Really Into New Band

8/17/2016 - ‘I Can’t Do This Anymore,’ Think 320 Million Americans Quietly Going About Day

8/17/2016 - Fans Excited To See Amazing U.S. Basketball Team Put Together As Redemption For 2016 Olympics

8/17/2016 - How Internet Clickbait Works

8/17/2016 - More French Cities Banning Burkinis

8/16/2016 - Obama Transfers Record Number Of Detainees

8/16/2016 - Mom Brings Home Little Plaque That Says ‘Family’

8/16/2016 - How To Help Your Kids Succeed In School

8/16/2016 - Tips For Asking Someone On A Date

8/16/2016 - Does Shaving A Hammer Really Make It Move Faster Through The Air?

8/16/2016 - Simone Biles Wins Gold With Impeccable Ceiling Routine

8/16/2016 - American Dental Association Recommends Teeth

8/16/2016 - I Spend Every Waking Moment Holding This Fragile Facade Of A Person Together, And I’ll Do The Same For America

8/16/2016 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 16, 2016

8/16/2016 - R2-D2 Actor Dies

8/15/2016 - Usain Bolt Finishes 100-Meter Dash Victory Celebration In Personal Best 3 Hours, 42 Minutes

8/15/2016 - Ryan Lochte Robbed At Gunpoint

8/15/2016 - Melania Trump Stumbles Upon Dozens Of Husband’s Haunting, Macabre Self-Portraits

8/15/2016 - Tips For Cutting Down On Caffeine

8/15/2016 - Report: More American Fifth-Graders Taking Gap Year To Unwind Before Middle School

8/15/2016 - A Look At The Class Of 2020

8/15/2016 - ‘Candy Land’ Screenwriter Under Impression Fans Counting On Him To Get This Right

8/15/2016 - Melania Trump Stumbles Upon Dozens Of Husband’s Haunting, Macabre Self-Portraits

8/15/2016 - It’s The Olym-Pits

8/15/2016 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of August 15, 2016

8/15/2016 - WWE To Include Gay Characters

8/13/2016 - A-Rod’s Number Reissued Immediately After Game

8/12/2016 - Yankees Honor Retiring A-Rod With 3-Second Tribute Video

8/12/2016 - How To Make The Most Of A College Tour

8/12/2016 - Greenland Shark Could Be 500 Years Old

8/12/2016 - Yankees Sign A-Rod To 10-Year, $420 Million Front Office Consultant Contract

8/12/2016 - New Biblical Text Reveals God First Sent Christ To Save Elk As Practice

8/12/2016 - A-Rod Retires: Looking Back At The Greatest Player In Biogenesis History

8/12/2016 - Dad Immediately Develops Deep Friendship With Guy Giving Quote On Replacing Windows

8/12/2016 - Mentally Unbalanced Man Still Waiting For The Right Trump Comment To Incite Him

8/12/2016 - Capping Pollution Could Save Thousands Of Lives

8/11/2016 - Man Arrested For Scaling Trump Tower

8/11/2016 - How To Spice Up A Bland Meal

8/11/2016 - Trump’s Prefrontal Cortex Admits It Can’t Possibly Filter All Impulsive Comments Coming From Rest Of Brain

8/11/2016 - Queen Elizabeth Hoping She Dies Before Having To Knight Any DJs

8/11/2016 - Hostage With Family Really Lording It Over Everyone Else

8/11/2016 - Ryan Lochte Admits Olympic Pool Much Wetter Than He Remembered

8/11/2016 - How Do Archers Resist Firing Arrows At Everyone In The Spectator Gallery?

8/11/2016 - Book Lovers Might Live Longer

8/11/2016 - Report: Some People Actually Very Happy

8/11/2016 - ‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

8/11/2016 - Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

8/11/2016 - How To Gain More Knowledge

8/10/2016 - Michael Phelps Proudly Describes How Infant Son Subsists Off 12,000 Calories’ Worth Of Breast Milk Per Day

8/10/2016 - Tim Tebow Weighing MLB Career

8/10/2016 - Obama Clears 2,000 Square Miles Of U.S. Airspace For New Free-Range Drone Preserve

8/10/2016 - Credit Card Safety Tips

8/10/2016 - ‘Clock Kid’ Ahmed Mohamed Sues School

8/10/2016 - Pros And Cons Of The ‘Tiny House’ Movement

8/10/2016 - Late-Blooming Dad Just Now Getting Into Civil War History

8/9/2016 - Engineers Test Robotic Tattoo Artist

8/9/2016 - Pros And Cons Of Breastfeeding

8/9/2016 - Anti-Doping Agency Unnerved By Bob Costas’ Repeated Requests To Submit Urine Sample

8/9/2016 - How Do Construction Workers Push Their Bodies To Finish Olympic Stadiums On Time?

8/9/2016 - When Will The Idiots On The Other End Of The Political Spectrum Wake Up And Have Every One Of My Life Circumstances, Daily Interactions, And Upbringing?

8/9/2016 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

8/9/2016 - Poland Spring Develops New Eco-Friendly Bottle That Only Takes 300 Years To Decompose

8/9/2016 - Bitcoin Hackers Steal $65 Million

8/9/2016 - Tips For New Dads

8/8/2016 - Tips For Donating Blood

8/8/2016 - Who’s Got The Juice?

8/8/2016 - Delta Grounds Flights Worldwide

8/8/2016 - NBC Details Inspirational Story Of Sponsor’s Journey To Olympics

8/8/2016 - Details Of Trump’s Economic Plan

8/8/2016 - Scientists Confirm First Case Of Zika Transmission From Article To Reader

8/8/2016 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of August 8, 2016

8/8/2016 - Gifted, Passionate Student Really Stretching Limits Of School’s Resources

8/8/2016 - Five Sports Added To 2020 Olympics

8/5/2016 - Olympics Head Priestess Slits Throat Of Official Rio Mascot To Sanctify Opening Ceremony

8/5/2016 - Olympics Officials Clearly Trying To Buy More Time With 6-Day-Long Opening Ceremony Performance

8/5/2016 - Performers Frantically Trying To Incorporate Spewing Sewage Pipe Into Rio Opening Ceremony

8/5/2016 - Networking Tips

8/5/2016 - Experts Advise Against Throwing Laptop Across Office Even Though It Will Feel Incredible

8/5/2016 - Obama Declares Self Feminist

8/5/2016 - Weary Nation Happy It Gets To Watch Socio-Political Failings Of Another Country For 2 Weeks

8/5/2016 - New Poll Finds 80% Of Americans Would Just Fucking Destroy Pan Of Brownies

8/5/2016 - Ayatollah Khamenei Addresses Tehran Prison Mess Hall During Annual Press Correspondents’ Dinner

8/5/2016 - China Debuts ‘Straddling Bus’

8/4/2016 - Latest Harry Potter Release Breaks Records

8/4/2016 - How To Keep Your Child Safe Online

8/4/2016 - Pope Francis Beats Confession Out Of Uncooperative Catholic

8/4/2016 - Paul Ryan: ‘The Comments Donald Trump Will Make Over The Next Few Months Are Regrettable’

8/4/2016 - Jury Finds Man Guilty Of Murdering Wife And Children, But Gets It

8/4/2016 - Secretary Of The Interior Meekly Asks If There Anything She Can Do To Help Stop ISIS

8/4/2016 - Pope Francis Considering Female Deacons

8/3/2016 - Officials Worried Olympic Cemetery Won’t Be Completed In Time For Games

8/3/2016 - Flossing Might Not Aid Oral Health

8/3/2016 - Obama Holds Camp David Summit To Ease Tensions With Coyotes

8/3/2016 - How To Cope With Jet Lag

8/3/2016 - Study: Average Person’s Enjoyment Of Vacation Drops 36% For Each Additional Family Member Present

8/3/2016 - A Timeline Of The Feminist Movement

8/3/2016 - France Stops Publishing Names, Images Of Terrorists

8/2/2016 - Report: Ground Still Least Desirable Surface For Breaking Fall

8/2/2016 - Tips For Getting In Shape

8/2/2016 - New Domino’s App Allows Customer To Track Pizza’s Movement Through Digestive System

8/2/2016 - McDonald’s To Remove Corn Syrup From Buns

8/2/2016 - How Juries Are Selected

8/2/2016 - ‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow

8/2/2016 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 2, 2016

8/2/2016 - Instagram Aims To Reduce Harassment

8/2/2016 - Tips For Giving A Best Man Speech

8/1/2016 - Whose Default Is It Anyway?

8/1/2016 - Trump Campaign Ponders Going Negative

8/1/2016 - How To Shop For A Suit

8/1/2016 - No One Really Knows What Dad Was Doing From 1985 To 1988

8/1/2016 - ‘DSM-5’ Updated To Accommodate Man Who Is Legitimately Being Ordered To Kill By The Moon

8/1/2016 - Trampoline Injuries On The Rise

8/1/2016 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of August 1, 2016

8/1/2016 - God Loses Tip Of Finger In Black Hole Accident

8/1/2016 - Amazon Sees Record Profits

8/1/2016 - Home Depot Employee Can Tell This Customer’s First Attempt At Pipe Bomb

8/1/2016 - Unique Ways To Prepare Chicken

8/1/2016 - Tips For Keeping Jealousy Out Of Your Friendship