12/25/2016 - Grandma Hangs On To Spend One Last Christmas With Nursing Home Staff

12/25/2016 - Pope Francis Carves Roast Cherub For Vatican Christmas Dinner

12/24/2016 - 5 Things To Know About Santa Claus

12/22/2016 - The Onion Looks Back At ‘Die Hard’

12/20/2016 - Report: There Still Time To Convert To Christianity Before Christmas Starts

12/19/2016 - Electoral College Does What It Was Either Designed To Do Or Explicitly Designed To Prevent

12/16/2016 - Strategies To Defeat ISIS

12/16/2016 - All The Lame Recommendations We Got For What To Do In Seattle In 2016

12/16/2016 - Comments Section Arguments We Clearly Won In 2016

12/16/2016 - 2016 In The Economy

12/15/2016 - 5 Things To Know About ‘Rogue One’

12/15/2016 - The Onion Reviews ‘Rogue One’

12/15/2016 - Tips For Surviving A Blizzard

12/15/2016 - Top Quotes Of 2016

12/15/2016 - Worst Things We Spilled On Our Shirt In 2016

12/15/2016 - 2016 In Technology

12/14/2016 - How To Cope With Getting Fired

12/14/2016 - Brute Of My Loins

12/14/2016 - Holiday Travel By The Numbers

12/14/2016 - The Onion’s Best Photojournalism Of 2016

12/14/2016 - Soirées That Wendell, Our Damnable Oaf Of A Manservant, Ruined In 2016

12/14/2016 - Top TV Shows Of 2016

12/14/2016 - 2016 In Sports

12/13/2016 - How New Toys Are Developed

12/13/2016 - Top Newsmakers Of 2016

12/13/2016 - Much Older Men We Dated In 2016

12/13/2016 - 2016 In International News

12/12/2016 - Tips For Hosting A Potluck

12/12/2016 - 5 Things To Know About Rex Tillerson

12/12/2016 - Biden Donates Collection Of Classic Skin Mags To Those In Need During Holidays

12/12/2016 - Notable Past Onion Fish Of The Year Honorees

12/12/2016 - The Onion’s 2016 Fish Of The Year Is…This Fish

12/12/2016 - NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

12/12/2016 - Tips For Airing Grievances With Your Family

12/12/2016 - Those We Lost In 2016

12/12/2016 - Top Tech Gadgets Of 2016

12/12/2016 - 2016 In Entertainment

12/9/2016 - John Glenn Dead At 95

12/9/2016 - Best Sports Documentaries

12/9/2016 - Soccer Cleats Resume Rightful Place Beside Broken Ball Pump In Family’s Garage For Winter

12/9/2016 - Mom Much More Insistent About Getting Grandkids From One Child Than Other

12/9/2016 - Tips For Jury Duty

12/9/2016 - Bikini Waxing Linked To STDs

12/8/2016 - Controversial ‘Heartbeat Bill’ Passes In Ohio

12/8/2016 - NFL To Curb Excessive Celebrations By Removing Areas Of Players’ Brains Responsible For Emotions

12/8/2016 - Man Betrays His Heart By Telling Friend He Can Have Last Dumpling

12/8/2016 - New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

12/8/2016 - Realistic Day Planner Only Includes First Couple Weeks After Purchase

12/8/2016 - Hottest Items Of The 2016 Holiday Shopping Season

12/8/2016 - 3 Cups Of Coffee Confident They Can Take Man’s Anxiety From Here

12/8/2016 - Tips For Looking More Youthful

12/8/2016 - Matt Damon Dismisses ‘Whitewashing’ Controversy

12/7/2016 - Donald Trump Named ‘Time’ Person Of The Year

12/7/2016 - Scientists Make Discovery About World’s Silt Deposits But Understand If You Aren’t Interested In That

12/7/2016 - Mom Calling To Ask If She Can Throw Away 3-Ring Binder From Middle School

12/7/2016 - City Of Chicago Working Around Clock To Clear 18 Inches Of Bullet Casings From Streets

12/7/2016 - Requirements For Becoming A NASA Astronaut

12/7/2016 - Hypochondriacs More Likely To Have Health Issues

12/6/2016 - C-Sections Altering Evolution

12/6/2016 - Man Looks On Helplessly As Variants Of His Nickname Evolve And Multiply At Breakneck Speed

12/6/2016 - Gifts From Aunt Already Under Tree

12/6/2016 - Report: Bananas Still Most Popular Fruit For Pretending To Receive Phone Call

12/6/2016 - Top 5 Upcycling Ideas

12/6/2016 - Trump Selects Ben Carson As HUD Secretary

12/6/2016 - Your Horoscopes – Week Of December 6, 2016

12/6/2016 - They’ve Got Reservations

12/5/2016 - 5 Things To Know About ‘Pizzagate’

12/5/2016 - Dakota Access Pipeline Blocked

12/5/2016 - Icy Snowball Can Already Tell It Going To Make 9-Year-Old Cry

12/5/2016 - Tips For Hotel Etiquette

12/5/2016 - Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

12/5/2016 - John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

12/5/2016 - Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

12/5/2016 - Tips For Studying Abroad

12/5/2016 - White House Supports Military Draft Registration For Women

12/5/2016 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 5, 2016

12/4/2016 - NFL Announcer Better Hurry The Fuck Up Congratulating Producer On New Baby And Get Back To Game

12/4/2016 - ‘You Hate To See That,’ Announces Fan Secretly Thrilled About Rival Player’s Injury

12/2/2016 - ‘Rocky’ Turns 40

12/2/2016 - Penn State Staff Unsure What To Do With Breathtakingly Innovative Defensive Playbooks Jerry Sandusky Keeps Sending Them

12/2/2016 - 5 Things To Know About James Mattis

12/2/2016 - Reason Man Turning To Religion Later In Life Must Be Horrifying

12/2/2016 - Broken Ornament Relegated To Lonely Existence On Side Of Tree Facing Wall

12/2/2016 - Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

12/2/2016 - What Smoking A Cigarette Does To The Body

12/2/2016 - Ruth Bader Ginsburg Debating Whether To Cancel Winter Vacation Climbing K2

12/2/2016 - How To Stay Politically Active After The Election

12/2/2016 - Reddit Cracks Down On ‘Toxic’ Users

12/1/2016 - 5 Things To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

12/1/2016 - PTSD Treated With Ecstasy

12/1/2016 - Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

12/1/2016 - Mom Wants One Of Those Things Your Sister Has For Christmas

12/1/2016 - Facebook User Verifies Truth Of Article By Carefully Checking It Against Own Preconceived Opinions

12/1/2016 - Tips For Reducing Your Screen Time

12/1/2016 - Religion Triggers Brain’s Reward Centers