Sitemap
2016 July
7/30/2016 - Tips For Making Great Cocktails
7/29/2016 - Encouraging New Study Indicates Majority Of U.S. Students Can Now Recognize Math
7/29/2016 - How Fast Food Chains Are Appearing More Health-Conscious
7/29/2016 - PETA Praises ‘The Walking Dead’ For CGI Animals
7/29/2016 - Highlights Of The 2016 DNC
7/29/2016 - Residents Of Philadelphia, Cleveland At Least Relieved They Can’t Host Another One Of These Fucking Things For Few Decades
7/29/2016 - What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns
7/29/2016 - NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite
7/29/2016 - Attempted Reagan Assassin Will Be Released
7/28/2016 - DNC Honors Historic Nominee By Dropping Broken Glass Shards From Ceiling
7/28/2016 - Hillary Clinton: ‘Young Girls Should Have An Equal Opportunity To One Day Feel Power Coursing Through Their Body’
7/28/2016 - Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd
7/28/2016 - Hillary Clinton: ‘When I Was A Child, Most Special Interest Groups Wouldn’t Even Consider Donating Large Sums Of Money To A Woman’
7/28/2016 - Chelsea Clinton: ‘My Mother Will Shape This Country Into A Strong, Independent Young Woman’
7/28/2016 - Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech
7/28/2016 - Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot
7/28/2016 - Highlights Of Barack Obama’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/28/2016 - DNC Speech: ‘I Am Proud To Say I Walked In On Bill And Hillary Having Sex’
7/28/2016 - IOC Bans Companies From Tweeting About Olympics
7/28/2016 - Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact
7/28/2016 - Tips For Proper Fire Safety
7/28/2016 - Trump Sick And Tired Of Mainstream Media Always Trying To Put His Words Into Some Sort Of Context
7/28/2016 - Highlights Of Joe Biden’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/28/2016 - Highlights Of Joe Biden’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/28/2016 - Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 4
7/28/2016 - Bound, Gagged Joaquin Castro Horrified By What His Identical Twin Brother Might Be Doing Out On DNC Floor
7/28/2016 - San Francisco Might Tax Tech Firms To Aid Homeless
7/27/2016 - The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Joe Biden’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/27/2016 - Obama: ‘Hillary Will Fight To Protect My Legacy, Even The Truly Detestable Parts’
7/27/2016 - Tim Kaine Clearly Tuning Out In Middle Of Boring Vice Presidential Acceptance Speech
7/27/2016 - Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center
7/27/2016 - Biden Regales DNC With Story Of ’80s Girl Band Vixen Breaking Hard Rock’s Glass Ceiling
7/27/2016 - Biden Chokes Up While Describing Hardworking Americans Who Can Only Afford Shitty Ditch Weed
7/27/2016 - DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus
7/27/2016 - DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus
7/27/2016 - Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 3
7/27/2016 - Biden Busted In DNC Parking Lot Selling Bootleg ‘I’m With Her’ T-Shirts
7/27/2016 - Highlights Of Bill Clinton’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/27/2016 - Highlights Of Bill Clinton’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/27/2016 - EPA To Limit Airplane Emissions
7/27/2016 - Tips For Getting A Mammogram
7/27/2016 - Wow, Dad Really Went From Zero To 60 With Woodworking This Summer
7/27/2016 - Who Is Tim Kaine?
7/27/2016 - Legal Marijuana Sees More Child Poisonings
7/27/2016 - The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Bill Clinton’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/26/2016 - Convention Crowd Really Hoping Bill Clinton Breaks Tension With Joke About How Terrible He Looks
7/26/2016 - DNC Speech: Could This Democrat Testing Out Phrases And Sounds Be The Future Of The Party?
7/26/2016 - DNC Speech: Could This Democrat Testing Out Phrases And Sounds Be The Future Of The Party?
7/26/2016 - Baby-Faced, Muscular Jimmy Carter Tells Democratic Convention The Future Of Medicine Is Bright
7/26/2016 - Highlights Of Bernie Sanders’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/26/2016 - Highlights Of Bernie Sanders’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/26/2016 - Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot
7/26/2016 - DNC Speech: ‘It’s Howard Dean, Motherfucks!’
7/26/2016 - New Zealand To Purge Nation Of Rodents
7/26/2016 - Highlights Of Michelle Obama’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/26/2016 - DNC Speech: ‘It’s Howard Dean, Motherfucks!’
7/26/2016 - Pro-Sanders Phillie Phanatic Places Masking Tape Reading ‘Silenced’ Over Honker
7/26/2016 - Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 2
7/26/2016 - Highlights Of Michelle Obama’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/26/2016 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 26, 2016
7/26/2016 - Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life
7/26/2016 - New York To Require Ventilation At Nail Salons
7/26/2016 - The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Bernie Sanders’s 2016 DNC Speech
7/25/2016 - Supporters Aggravated Bernie Sanders Didn’t Use DNC Speech To Get Voters To Act Against Their Own Self-Interest
7/25/2016 - Voice Coming From DNC Sound System During Sanders Address Clearly Hillary Clinton’s
7/25/2016 - ‘Fear Not—She Means You No Harm,’ Says Elizabeth Warren, Revealing Docile Hillary Clinton To Crowd
7/25/2016 - Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’
7/25/2016 - Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 1
7/25/2016 - Revelations From The DNC Email Leak
7/25/2016 - How To Pack For A Move
7/25/2016 - CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection
7/25/2016 - How The IOC Plans To Address Doping
7/25/2016 - Verizon Buys Yahoo For $4.8 Billion
7/25/2016 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 25, 2016
7/25/2016 - A Period Of Decline
7/25/2016 - Georgia Rules Upskirt Photos Legal
7/22/2016 - Clinton Assures Tim Kaine She’ll Continue Serving As President In Event Of Her Death
7/22/2016 - Fox News Chief Resigns Amid Harassment Claims
7/22/2016 - Tips For Choosing A Gym
7/22/2016 - Highlights Of The 2016 RNC
7/22/2016 - ExxonMobil Vows Lenient Treatment For Any Species That Surrenders Voluntarily
7/22/2016 - 360 Tour: Inside The RNC
7/22/2016 - Tips For Throwing The Perfect Bachelorette Party
7/22/2016 - The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Donald Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/22/2016 - World Leaders Pour Into Washington To Pay Last Respects To Dying Nation
7/22/2016 - Marilyn Monroe’s Hair To Be Sold At Auction
7/22/2016 - Man Checks To Make Sure No One Home Before Recording Song Into Laptop
7/21/2016 - Trump: ‘Remember, This Is Your Last Chance To Get Out Before This Goes Any Further’
7/21/2016 - ‘Low-Energy Jeb,’ Whispers Jeb Bush Sitting Alone In Dark Watching Televised Trump Speech
7/21/2016 - Trump Takes Moment To Thank All The Fear In Audience For Making This Night Possible
7/21/2016 - RNC Speech: ‘Fuck, We’re Really Just Letting This Fucking Happen?’
7/21/2016 - RNC Speech: ‘Fuck, We’re Really Just Letting This Fucking Happen?’
7/21/2016 - Barron Trump Sprints Off Convention Stage In Tears After Missing Note During Clarinet Solo Performance
7/21/2016 - Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 4
7/21/2016 - How Your Amazon Order Reaches You
7/21/2016 - New Beatles Album Announced
7/21/2016 - Highlights Of Ted Cruz’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/21/2016 - Highlights Of Ted Cruz’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/21/2016 - Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena
7/21/2016 - RNC Speech: ‘Students Should Stop Taking Handouts And Find Their Diplomas In A Lake Like I Did’
7/21/2016 - RNC Speech: ‘If We Don’t Elect Trump, Our Enemies Will’
7/21/2016 - Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot
7/21/2016 - RNC Speech: ‘Students Should Stop Taking Handouts And Find Their Diplomas In A Lake Like I Did’
7/21/2016 - Austria Weighs Seizure Of Hitler’s Birthplace
7/21/2016 - The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Mike Pence’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/20/2016 - Trump Accidentally Fires Off ‘Boring Mike Pence’ Tweet During VP Speech Before He Can Stop Himself
7/20/2016 - Pence Tells Emotional Story Of Longtime Friend Who Was Aborted After Second Trimester
7/20/2016 - Newt Gingrich: ‘It’s An Honor To Address A Crowd That Shares My Utterly Bizarre And Unhealthy Obsession With Hillary Clinton’
7/20/2016 - Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech
7/20/2016 - Pregnant Women Asked To Leave Convention Hall During Ted Cruz Speech For Safety Of Developing Fetuses
7/20/2016 - RNC Attendee Excited To Find Out What He’ll Get To Boo Tonight
7/20/2016 - RNC Speech: ‘If We Don’t Elect Trump, Our Enemies Will’
7/20/2016 - Highlights Of Chris Christie’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/20/2016 - Notable Job Perks
7/20/2016 - Nurses Found Cheating Way Through School
7/20/2016 - Tips For Dealing With Roommates
7/20/2016 - Highlights Of Chris Christie’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/20/2016 - Faint Hope Granted By Word ‘Presumptive’ Cruelly Snatched From American People
7/20/2016 - Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 3
7/20/2016 - Nate Silver Ages 40 Years After Accidentally Using Polling Projection Model On Self
7/20/2016 - RNC Speech: Trump Invites Young Couple To Make Out
7/20/2016 - ‘Game Of Thrones’ Season 7 Delayed
7/19/2016 - The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Chris Christie’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/19/2016 - ‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech
7/19/2016 - Chris Christie Emits Loud Sob As Paul Ryan Asks Crowd Whether They Worse Off Now Than They Were 4 Years Ago
7/19/2016 - Paul Ryan Delivers Impassioned 10-Minute Pained Facial Expression
7/19/2016 - RNC Speech: Trump Invites Young Couple To Make Out
7/19/2016 - Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 2
7/19/2016 - Highlights Of Melania Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/19/2016 - Trembling, Pallid RNC Attendees Undergo Second Day Of Firearm Withdrawal
7/19/2016 - Highlights Of Rudy Giuliani’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/19/2016 - Making The Most Of Your Day At An Amusement Park
7/19/2016 - Melania Trump Accused Of Plagiarizing Michelle Obama
7/19/2016 - Highlights Of Melania Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/19/2016 - Highlights Of Rudy Giuliani’s 2016 RNC Speech
7/19/2016 - Curt Schilling Just Going To Assume He Has Speaking Slot At RNC
7/19/2016 - Police Outside Convention Hoping For Opportunity To Take Swing At George Washington Impersonator
7/19/2016 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 19, 2016
7/19/2016 - Officials Unveil Plan To Convert Underused Senate Chamber Into Storage Facility
7/19/2016 - Starbucks, McDonald’s Block Porn From Wi-Fi
7/18/2016 - Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 1
7/18/2016 - Secret Service Rooftop Sniper Team Depressed By Sprawling View Of Cleveland
7/18/2016 - Kasich Refuses To Suspend Open Carry During RNC
7/18/2016 - Tips For Fighting Cavities
7/18/2016 - Nation Struggling To Keep Track Of How Far Along It Is In All Its Ongoing Grieving Processes
7/18/2016 - Report: Majority Of Statements Now Prefaced By Phrase ‘In Light Of Recent Events’
7/18/2016 - Cleveland Ukrainian Museum Pulling Out All Stops To Prepare For Onrush Of RNC Visitors
7/18/2016 - Report: All Standing Between Trump And Presidency Is Nation That Made Him Billionaire Celebrity
7/18/2016 - Contrarian Amazon User Completely Upends Critical Consensus On Microfiber Towels
7/18/2016 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 18, 2016
7/18/2016 - Alzheimer’s Symptoms Could Present In Early Childhood
7/17/2016 - Trump Thinking Of Beginning RNC Speech With Sexist Tirade He Was Saving For Special Occasion
7/16/2016 - GOP Establishment Relieved After Conventionally Abhorrent Beliefs Make Way Onto Presidential Ticket
7/15/2016 - Style Tips For Men
7/15/2016 - Humanity Hoping It Only Has To Put Up With Few More Millennia Of This Shit
7/15/2016 - ‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters
7/15/2016 - FBI Ends Search For D.B. Cooper
7/15/2016 - Trump Campaign Selects Mike Pence As Concrete Reminder That This All Really Happening
7/14/2016 - Patriots Hoping Emaciated Tom Brady Will End Hunger Strike Over Suspension Appeal In Time For Training Camp
7/14/2016 - DIY Storage Solutions
7/14/2016 - Who Is Mike Pence?
7/14/2016 - Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule
7/14/2016 - Trump’s General Election Strategy
7/14/2016 - Clinton’s General Election Strategy
7/14/2016 - Lance Bass To Host Nation’s First Gay Dating Show
7/14/2016 - The Onion Reviews ‘Ghostbusters’
7/14/2016 - Trump Shaping General Election Strategy With Team Of Most Trusted Erratic Impulses
7/14/2016 - Monkeys’ Tools In Brazil Date Back 700 Years
7/13/2016 - Pros And Cons Of Freezing Your Eggs
7/13/2016 - Texas Requires Burial Of Fetal Tissue
7/13/2016 - KFC Introduces New Previously Owned 20-Piece Hot Wings
7/13/2016 - Obama Signs Conservation Act To Preserve Nation’s Last Remaining Area Of Common Ground
7/13/2016 - Woman Who Doesn’t Use Facebook Completely Out Of Touch With Friends’ Prejudices
7/13/2016 - ‘Pokémon Go’ Leads To Nintendo Stock Surge
7/12/2016 - Little-Known Facts About The Founding Fathers
7/12/2016 - Macy’s Ordered To Stop Detaining Suspected Shoplifters
7/12/2016 - What Is Pokémon Go?
7/12/2016 - Nation Surprised It Took So Long For Primaries To Weed Out Candidate With Genuine Principles
7/12/2016 - Bernie Sanders Agrees To Drop Out Of Race In Exchange For 13-Hour Speaking Slot At Convention
7/12/2016 - ‘Secretary Clinton Is A Different Person Than Donald Trump,’ Says Bernie Sanders In Ringing Endorsement
7/12/2016 - Regular On Sandy Hook Truth Forum Complaining About Recent Decline In Quality Of Discussion
7/12/2016 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 12, 2016
7/12/2016 - Retiring Tim Duncan Provides Spurs With Forwarding Address For His Subscription To ‘The Economist’
7/12/2016 - Facebook Status Update Field Dreading What Area Man About To Type Into It
7/12/2016 - Twitter Decries Site That Displays Deleted Tweets
7/11/2016 - Tim Duncan Proudly Reflects On All The Degrees He Accumulated During 19-Year NBA Career
7/11/2016 - Police Chief Says There Just A Few Bad, Deeply Ingrained Prejudices Giving All Cops A Bad Name
7/11/2016 - How To Make Your Marriage Last
7/11/2016 - Europe Seeks Personhood For Robots
7/11/2016 - Tim Duncan: An NBA Legend Rides Into The Sunset At A Safe And Prudent Speed
7/11/2016 - ‘We Get The Food And Then We Eat The Food Until All The Food Is Gone,’ City Of Chicago Announces Unprompted
7/11/2016 - Man Always Gets Little Rush Out Of Telling People John Lennon Beat Wife
7/11/2016 - Twitter Debuts Celebrity-Only App
7/7/2016 - Teen Had Absolutely No Say In Becoming Part Of Snapchat Generation
7/7/2016 - Middle-Aged Couple Sick Of 31-Year-Old Son Always Trying To Set Them Up With Other Parents
7/7/2016 - Teens Continuing To Elude Retailers
7/6/2016 - Bicycle-Safety Tips
7/6/2016 - Swiss Guard Charge Writhing Mass Of Black Tentacles Devouring Pope Francis
7/6/2016 - List Of Names On Gchat Sidebar Like A Portal Into Area Man’s Past Lives
7/6/2016 - ‘I’m A Trump-Era Conservative,’ Says Horrifying Man 25 Years From Now
7/6/2016 - New Device Locks Up Smartphones At Concerts
7/5/2016 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 5, 2016
7/5/2016 - Exercise Could Boost Memory Power
7/5/2016 - God Regrets Never Creating Any Two-Headed Snake Creatures
7/5/2016 - Fireworks Accident Blows Off Tip Of Florida
7/1/2016 - Synthetic Tree Removes CO2 From Air
7/1/2016 - Dad’s Eyes Well Up At Sight Of Perfectly Packed Cooler
7/1/2016 - Investigators: First 48 Hours Most Critical In Locating Missing Children Who Entered Portal To Fantastical World