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2018 December
12/31/2018 - The Worst Birds Of 2018
12/31/2018 - The 6 Telemarketer Scams That Absolutely Owned Grandma In 2018
12/28/2018 - The Best Podcasts Of 2018
12/28/2018 - Remembering Michael Caine: Not Dead Yet, But It’s Still Nice To Be Thought About From Time To Time
12/28/2018 - Kotex Introduces New Confetti Popper Tampons For Ringing In The New Year
12/27/2018 - The Most Indifferent Animals At The Petting Zoo This Year
12/26/2018 - Top TV Shows Of 2018
12/26/2018 - The 2 People We Had Sex With This Year
12/26/2018 - Year In Review: 2018
12/25/2018 - Mom’s Christmas Stocking Noticeably Less Full
12/24/2018 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 24, 2018
12/23/2018 - Study: Most Concussions Can Be Prevented By Wearing Second Helmet
12/23/2018 - Joe Buck Tears Rotator Cuff After Awkward Throw Down To Sideline
12/23/2018 - NFL Defends Right To Subject Eric Reid To Random Stop-And-Frisks
12/21/2018 - Charity Notes Even One Dollar Can Help A Needy Child But You’d Have To Be A Dick To Give That Little
12/21/2018 - Apple Will Build $1 Billion Campus In Austin, Adding 5,000 Jobs
12/21/2018 - Nation Not Sure How Many Ex-Trump Staffers It Can Safely Reabsorb
12/21/2018 - Nation’s Panicked, Blood-Covered Citizens Demand You Give Them Just One Goddamn Second To Think
12/21/2018 - Pros And Cons Of Making New Year’s Resolutions
12/21/2018 - Exhausted Robert Mueller Turns Off Phone To Give Himself Breather From Russia Probe News Over Holiday Break
12/21/2018 - Man Watches Helplessly As White Elephant Exchange Completely Devolves Into Friends Just Chatting And Having Nice Time
12/21/2018 - Hand Of George H.W. Bush Bursts Out Of Ground To Grope One Last Woman
12/21/2018 - Bose Releases New Headphones Specifically Optimized For Listening To Whitney Houston’s ‘How Will I Know?’
12/21/2018 - Poll: Most Americans Oppose Increased Political Correctness
12/21/2018 - Podiatrists Recommend Getting Feet Rotated Every 6 Months
12/21/2018 - A Christmas Peril
12/20/2018 - Radiohead, Janet Jackson Inducted Into Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame
12/20/2018 - Mental Health Experts Say Friends Giving Away Possessions Could Be Warning Sign They Planning On Moving
12/20/2018 - Tips For Surviving Your Office Holiday Party
12/20/2018 - Emotional El Chapo Reunited With Family Following Passage Of Criminal Justice Reform Bill
12/20/2018 - Federal Reserve Cites Healthy Economy In Decision To Have Baby
12/20/2018 - Report: There Nothing Else In Bottom Of Gift Bag
12/20/2018 - Man Methodically Explains Origin Behind Every Poster Hanging In Apartment
12/20/2018 - Relationship Experts Say Healthy Couples Should Be Renewing Their Vows 3 Times A Week
12/20/2018 - Ho, Ho, Ho! Send Me $100 Billion By Christmas Or I Will Detonate A Dirty Bomb In 5 Major Cities!
12/20/2018 - Voyeur Researchers Recommend At Least 7 Hours Of Watching Someone Sleep Per Night
12/20/2018 - UCF Deserves A Shot To Be Utterly Destroyed In The College Football Playoff
12/20/2018 - Gun Deaths In U.S. At 40-Year High
12/19/2018 - Winner Of ‘The Voice’ Excited To Use $50 Chili’s Gift Card
12/19/2018 - Merriam-Webster Names ‘Justice’ Word Of The Year
12/19/2018 - Man Spends Long Day At Work Waiting To Go Home And Be Lonely
12/19/2018 - Raiders Announce Plan To Play 2019 Home Games In Jon Gruden’s Backyard
12/19/2018 - Firefighter Excitedly Checks Drop-Off Bin To See If They Got Any Babies While They Were Out
12/19/2018 - The Trump Presidency In 2018
12/19/2018 - Ecstatic Pope Francis Finally Lands Role As Mary In St. Peter’s Christmas Pageant
12/19/2018 - Sea Of Hair Engulfs Nation After Bosley Physicians Lose Control Of Restoration
12/19/2018 - Kotex Tampons Recalled After Reports Of Pieces Left In Bodies
12/18/2018 - 5 Things To Know About ‘Aquaman’
12/18/2018 - Back-To-Back Broadcasts Of ‘Big’ Happening On TBS Apparently Unrelated To Death Of Penny Marshall
12/18/2018 - Millions Of Americans Shocked To Discover Favorite Movie Directed By Woman
12/18/2018 - Chuck Schumer Insists Democrats Won’t Budge On Wall
12/18/2018 - Les Moonves Doesn’t Know How He Going To Tell Wife He Didn’t Get $120 Million Bonus
12/18/2018 - Frazzled Robert Mueller Walking Around With Piece Of Russia Investigation Document Stuck To His Shoe
12/18/2018 - Radio Station Playing Controversial ‘Little Drummer Boy’ On Repeat In Defiance Of Those Who Claim It Contains Sexually Predatory Themes
12/18/2018 - Report: Key Goes In But Won’t Turn
12/18/2018 - Entirety Of Browns Dawg Pound Euthanized Following Rabies Outbreak
12/18/2018 - Social Media Overtakes Newspapers As Source Of News
12/18/2018 - Man Finally Able To Forgive Self For Terrible Mistake He Made 2 Seconds Ago
12/18/2018 - Should The NFL Offer To Reinstate Kareem Hunt If He Promises To Play Extra Hard?
12/18/2018 - KFC Blames Popeyes For Releasing Serial Rapist From Prison In New Attack Ad Campaign
12/17/2018 - Maria Butina Pleads Guilty To Russian Scheme To Influence Conservatives
12/17/2018 - Ryan Zinke Apologizes For Misuse Of Government Funds By Sending Ethics Committee $160,000 Vase
12/17/2018 - Trump Administration Launches Human Rights Investigation Into Senate’s Harsh Treatment Of Mohammad Bin Salman
12/17/2018 - Everything Reminds Man Of ‘Her’
12/17/2018 - Report: Re-mixxxx!
12/17/2018 - ‘Sesame Street’ Includes First Muppet To Experience Homelessness
12/17/2018 - Woman Who Hasn’t Bought Anything Recently Wondering Why She Suddenly Happy
12/17/2018 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 17, 2018
12/14/2018 - Charlottesville Jury Recommends 419 Years Plus Life For Neo-Nazi Who Killed Protester
12/14/2018 - Petco Employee Stocks Gerbils By The Cash Register For Impulse Purchases
12/14/2018 - Report: Greatest Factor In Employee Retention Boss Sending Out End-Of-Year Note Titled ‘Thanks Team’
12/14/2018 - This Is The Year I’m Finally Going To Burn Your House Down
12/14/2018 - Kirstjen Nielsen Urges Migrant Parents Leave The Weak Ones Behind
12/14/2018 - Bush, Loafers Thrown At Him Reunite On NBC For 10-Year Anniversary Special
12/14/2018 - Department Of Interior To Control Rising Mole Population By Releasing Mallets Into National Parks
12/14/2018 - Indoctrinate-TED
12/14/2018 - Most Notorious Criminals In U.S. History
12/14/2018 - Red Cross Issues Reminder They Can’t Accept Donations From People With Loose Blood Cupped In Hands
12/14/2018 - Supreme Court Will Not Hear Case On Defunding Planned Parenthood
12/13/2018 - Trump Ex-Lawyer Michael Cohen Given 36 Months In Prison
12/13/2018 - CNN Opens Up 24-Hour Anonymous Tip Line For Anyone With Synonyms For ‘Mueller Closing In’
12/13/2018 - Nation Finally Ready To Look At More Sidewalk Drawings That Look Like Big Holes But Are Actually Just Flat
12/13/2018 - Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame Rescinds Nomination After Discovering The Cure Was Voted In As Cruel Prank By Popular Kids
12/13/2018 - New Smithsonian Exhibit Honors Thousands Of Pets Who Joined Workforce After Owners Left To Fight In World War II
12/13/2018 - Theresa May Narrowly Manages To Survive Parliamentary Firing Squad
12/13/2018 - The Origins Of Popular Christmas Songs
12/13/2018 - Mortician Always Keeps Hammer At Tableside Just In Case One Comes Back To Life
12/13/2018 - U.S. Military Honors Sacrifices Of NFL Players By Wearing Jerseys Throughout December
12/13/2018 - Innocuous Thing You Did In Public Prompts Inside Joke That Bonds Group Of Teens For Life
12/13/2018 - System For Telling Clean Clothes From Dirty Falls Apart By Second Day Of Trip
12/13/2018 - Theresa May Delays Vote On Brexit Deal
12/12/2018 - Campbell’s Unveils New Tomato Soup Humidifier
12/12/2018 - Michael Cohen Granted Prison Work Release For New Job With Trump 2020 Campaign
12/12/2018 - Time Awards Person Of The Year To Targeted Journalists Including Jamal Khashoggi
12/12/2018 - Michael Cohen Completes First Stage Of Intricate Plan To Break Incarcerated Brother Out Of Prison From Inside
12/12/2018 - Pros And Cons Of Seeking Out Uncontacted Peoples
12/12/2018 - Orrin Hatch Delivers Farewell Address From Coffin Descending Into Plot Dug In Middle Of Senate Floor
12/12/2018 - Delta Plane Jettisons Dozens Of Comfort Animals Midflight Following Policy Changes
12/12/2018 - New York Family Man Latest Victim Of Nation’s Misguided War On Tax Evasion, Perjury, Campaign Finance Violations
12/12/2018 - Thousands Of Drunk Revelers Dressed As Jesus Descend On Vatican For Annual ChristCon Pub Crawl
12/12/2018 - ‘Oh, Was I Not Enough For You?’ Amazon Echo Asks Couple Bringing New Baby Home
12/12/2018 - Every Person In High-End Singapore Casino Either Carrying Out Or Target Of Assassination
12/12/2018 - Frat Nutritionists Dare Americans To Swallow More Live Goldfish
12/12/2018 - Study Finds Average American Gets Most Physical Exertion Waving Cell Phone Around To Get Signal
12/12/2018 - U.S. Coal Consumption Drops To Lowest Level In 40 Years
12/11/2018 - Trump Claims Substantial Portions Of The U.S.-Mexico Laser Forcefield Have Already Been Built
12/11/2018 - Jonesing Nation Demands Trump Tell Them Where, Exactly, Drugs Are Pouring Into Country
12/11/2018 - Satanic Statue On Display In Illinois Capitol Building For Holidays
12/11/2018 - Soldier Back Home From Serving At Mexico Border Still Having Nightmares About Being Used As Political Prop
12/11/2018 - White House Holiday Decorations Through History
12/11/2018 - Bertolli Packaging Promises Empty Ravioli Floating In Filling-Saturated Water In Just 5 Minutes
12/11/2018 - Authoritarian Secretary Of Transportation Declares She Has Ultimate Right Of Way In Every Traffic Scenario
12/11/2018 - Court Filings Suggest Trump Illegally Directed Hush Money Payments
12/11/2018 - Local Clan Attempts To Intimidate Rivals With Aggressive Display Of Fertility
12/11/2018 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 11, 2018
12/10/2018 - John Kelly Out As Chief Of Staff
12/10/2018 - Woman Trying To Wean Self Off Coffee By Switching To Long Island Iced Tea
12/10/2018 - MLB Hoping To Boost Attendance At League Meetings With ‘Star Wars’ Night
12/10/2018 - White House Ficus To Leave For Virginia Arboretum After Declining Trump’s Offer To Be Chief Of Staff
12/10/2018 - John Kelly Resigns In Last-Ditch Effort To Save His And Trump’s Friendship
12/10/2018 - Report: Those Sensors That Flush Public Toilets Were Also Cameras This Whole Time
12/10/2018 - Bob Iger: At Disney, We Live Every Day In Terror That You’ll Turn On Superhero Movies
12/10/2018 - Flakes On A Plain
12/10/2018 - ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Now Just Hoping George R.R. Martin Dies Soon So Estate Can Release Whatever He’s Already Written
12/10/2018 - Petting Zoo All Goats
12/10/2018 - 5G Phones Coming
12/10/2018 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 10, 2018
12/9/2018 - Wes Anderson Begins Filming Next Film In France
12/7/2018 - Zoologists Discover New Fastest Land Animal After Pumping White-Tailed Deer Full Of Steroids
12/7/2018 - NRCC Emails Stolen During Major 2018 Election Hack
12/7/2018 - Fox News Intern Fetching Coffee Tells Herself This Will All Pay Off When She Trump’s Secretary Of State One Day
12/7/2018 - Should The NFL Be Doing More To Prevent Female Concussions?
12/7/2018 - Mom Sends Blurry, Indistinct Photo Of Computer Screen Showing Boots You Might Like
12/7/2018 - Review: ‘Super Smash Bros. Ultimate’ Sunk By Unforgivable Inclusion Of Kirby, One Of The Most Offensive Harmful Stereotypes To Ever Appear In Popular Entertainment
12/7/2018 - Michigan GOP Passes Legislation Rerouting Flint Drinking Water To Governor’s Mansion For Incoming Democrat
12/7/2018 - This Hotel A Goddamn Maze, Reports Father
12/7/2018 - Man Worried The 6th ‘Transformers’ Movie Will Just Be Stupid
12/7/2018 - I May Not Be The Prettiest Girl In The Room, But What I Do Have Is A Gun
12/7/2018 - L.A. Adds Lanes For Cyclists To Recover From Getting Hit By Cars
12/7/2018 - 5 Things To Know About ‘Super Smash Bros. Ultimate’
12/7/2018 - Top Agenda Items In Upcoming Democratic-Majority House
12/7/2018 - The Swimsuit Issue
12/7/2018 - Tumblr To Ban All Adult Content
12/7/2018 - Fourth Verse Of Christmas Carol Gets Super Religious
12/6/2018 - David Attenborough Says Collapse Of Civilization On Horizon
12/6/2018 - Should The NFL Prohibit Players From Appearing In Hotel Security Footage?
12/6/2018 - Defeated Republicans In Wisconsin, Michigan Move To Neutralize Democrats
12/6/2018 - Revlon Releases New Functionless Translucent Gel For Women Who Don’t Need Makeup
12/6/2018 - Dog Who Successfully Detected Cancer In Owner Put Down For Practicing Medicine Without A License
12/6/2018 - ‘No, Take Jeb Instead,’ Screams George W. Bush While Shoving Brother Into Father’s Grave
12/6/2018 - Financial Experts Say Stock Market Constantly Plunging, Reaching Record Highs Leading Indicator Of Healthy Economy
12/6/2018 - Incredibly Popular George H.W. Bush Funeral Gets Extended 2-Week Run
12/6/2018 - Woman Finds It Worrying That All Of New Boyfriend’s Previous Relationships Ended In Breakups
12/6/2018 - Herpetologists Discover Species Of Frogs That Evolved To Spontaneously Grow Top Hat And Cane
12/6/2018 - Optometrist Sets Pressure Of Air Puff Test Way Higher For Asshole Patients
12/6/2018 - IBM Closes Jew-Tracking Division After Decades Of Declining Revenue
12/5/2018 - Wells Fargo Computer Glitch Accidentally Forecloses On All 5,700 Branches
12/5/2018 - Mueller Expected To Reveal Details About 3 Major Players In Russia Investigation
12/5/2018 - Nervous Maid Of Honor Just Stringing Together Random Maya Angelou Quotes
12/5/2018 - Wisconsin Legislature Weakens Incoming Democratic Governor By Restricting His Access To Food, Water, Shelter
12/5/2018 - Scott Walker Changes Locks On Wisconsin Governor’s Office
12/5/2018 - Grieving Nation Solemnly Waits Extra Day For Their Amazon Shit
12/5/2018 - Raytheon Employee Going To Be Pissed If Bonus Just Missile Again
12/5/2018 - The Computer Mouse Turns 50
12/5/2018 - Producer Tells Actress Non-Disclosure Agreement Pretty Standard For Getting Away With Abusing His Power
12/5/2018 - International Climate Conference Kicks Off In Poland
12/5/2018 - Furloughed Willie Horton Pays Respects At George H.W. Bush Funeral
12/4/2018 - Gina Haspel Briefs Senators On Saudis’ ‘Shockingly Uninspired’ Khashoggi Interrogation
12/4/2018 - Trump Boys Raid Sister’s Closet For Sexy Clothes They Can Use To Seduce And Blackmail Robert Mueller
12/4/2018 - Pervert On Subway Won’t Stop Staring At Masturbator
12/4/2018 - Woman Preemptively Posts A Few Good Photos Of Herself Online Just In Case She Ever Dies In Shooting
12/4/2018 - Scientists Say Pluto Definitely A Planet
12/4/2018 - GOP-Controlled Wisconsin Legislature Votes To Dissolve State Rather Than Let Democrats Have It
12/4/2018 - Guest Roster Assembled For Surprise Birthday Reveals Minimal Understanding Of Girlfriend’s Social Circle
12/4/2018 - Researchers Publish List Of Ways Animals Can Help Fight Climate Change
12/4/2018 - Active-Shooter Drills By The Numbers
12/4/2018 - Ohio State Begins Scouting For Next Scandal
12/4/2018 - Warby Parker Apologizes For Years Of Testing Glasses On Animals
12/4/2018 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 4, 2018
12/4/2018 - Excited Shopper Decides To Wear New Butt Plug Out Of Store
12/4/2018 - Fed Proposes Forcing Drugmakers To List Drug Prices In Ads
12/3/2018 - George H.W. Bush Remembered For Vast Contributions To AIDS Quilting Community
12/3/2018 - China, U.S. Agree To Temporary Halt To Trade War
12/3/2018 - Divorced Parents A Little Hurt Child’s Christmas List Doesn’t Include Heartbreaking Wish For Them To Get Back Together
12/3/2018 - Chemistry Teacher Encouraging Students To Fuck Around With Bunsen Burners In Last-Ditch Effort To Prove Science Is Cool
12/3/2018 - George H.W. Bush’s Casket Completes Log Flume Journey To U.S. Capitol
12/3/2018 - Violence Erupts Across France As Citizens Protest High Cost Of Refilling Crème Brûlée Torches
12/3/2018 - Man Parallel Parking Tries To Leave Enough Room Between Cars To Infuriate Other Drivers Into Just Giving Up
12/3/2018 - Experts Recommend Just Putting Up With Everyone Else
12/3/2018 - Christ Super Embarrassed About All That Stupid Shit He Said 2,000 Years Ago
12/3/2018 - Wistful Woman Wonders If This Could Be The One She’ll Sleep With For Few Weeks Before Losing Interest
12/3/2018 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 3, 2018