5/31/2019 - New ‘Call Of Duty’ Praised For Depicting Grim, Harrowing Fun That Can Be Had While Killing Civilians

5/31/2019 - ‘Let’s See You Answer These’ Snickers Alex Trebek As He Unveils Invasive Categories About James Holzhauer’s Personal Life

5/31/2019 - Trump Says Russia Helped Him Win Election

5/31/2019 - Defensive Laura Ingraham Challenges Critics To Try Making List Of Prominent Conservatives Without Including Few White Supremacists

5/31/2019 - Old, Wizened Fantasy Character Confirms That The Darkness Is Rising

5/31/2019 - Twitch Just Announced They Will Let Users Stream Nude As Long As Everyone Promises Not To Get Aroused Or Do Anything Weird

5/31/2019 - WHO Warns About Resurgence Of Guinea Worm Disease As 150-Ton Parasite Splashes Out Of Sea

5/31/2019 - Roy Moore Mulling 2020 Senate Run

5/31/2019 - Let’s Hear It For Caulk!

5/31/2019 - How A Crime Scene Investigation Works

5/30/2019 - ‘Rocketman’ Viewers Not Sure Movie Really Needed 45-Minute Princess Diana Death Scene

5/30/2019 - Tearful Meghan McCain Opens Up About Father’s Dying Wish That She Be Given Her Own Daytime Talk Show

5/30/2019 - McConnell Says He Would Fill Supreme Court Seat In 2020

5/30/2019 - Government Closes Case On UFOs After Determining Sightings Just Routine Psylandorian Patrol Ships

5/30/2019 - Most Tantalizing Rumors About The PS5

5/30/2019 - Struggling Rainforest Cafe Adds Thousands Of Animatronic Patrons To Restaurants

5/30/2019 - ‘Fortnite’ Is Having Martin Shkreli Hold An In-Game Seminar On How To Jack Up Drug Prices

5/30/2019 - Robert Kraft Agrees To Take Voluntary Leave Of Absence From Orchids Of Asia Day Spa

5/30/2019 - 5 Things To Know About Mt. Everest

5/30/2019 - Report: Happiness Does Not Measurably Increase Based On Zipline Ownership Once Family Owns 7 Ziplines

5/30/2019 - Missouri Could Soon Have No Abortion Clinics

5/30/2019 - Special Guest At Sea Lion Show Just Another Sea Lion

5/29/2019 - Man Known As The ‘American Taliban’ Released From Prison

5/29/2019 - Cackling Mitch McConnell Reveals To Stunned Democrats He’s Been Working Undercover For Republican Party This Whole Time

5/29/2019 - New Louisiana Abortion Law Requires Fetuses Be Given Jazz Funeral March Through The French Quarter

5/29/2019 - Deal Alert: Get ‘Kingdom Hearts III’ For Free For Next 30 Seconds While GameStop Clerk Is Dealing With Something In Back

5/29/2019 - Report: Massive Hypocrisy Just Flat-Out Gets The Job Done

5/29/2019 - Honey, If You Ever Have Any Questions About Sex, You Can Always Consult The Hundreds Of Pages Of Fan Fiction In My Closet

5/29/2019 - Chuck Schumer Condemns Mitch McConnell For Being Way Better At This Than Him

5/29/2019 - Panicked Oyster Praying That Lump It Feels Forming Only A Pearl

5/29/2019 - Pros And Cons Of Facial Recognition Technology

5/29/2019 - Friend Who Not Into Dogfighting Really Ruining Match For Everyone Else

5/29/2019 - 10-Pound Fetus About To Fucking Wreck Small Mom

5/29/2019 - Mario Batali Faces Criminal Charge

5/29/2019 - ‘Why Are You Still Sleeping On U.S. Women’s Soccer?’ Asks Sports Website’s First Article About Women’s Soccer In Four Years

5/28/2019 - World Populace Actually Fine With Rich People Dying On Mount Everest

5/28/2019 - Theresa May Resigns As U.K. Prime Minister

5/28/2019 - World Health Organization Director-General Classifies Gaming Disorder As Disease After Son Spends Beautiful Day Inside Playing ‘Overwatch’

5/28/2019 - Depressed Monkey Throwing Shit At Himself

5/28/2019 - Everything We Learned About ‘Elder Scrolls VI’ From Breaking Into Todd Howard’s House And Trying On All His Clothes

5/28/2019 - Will Shortz Frustrated That Police Yet To Crack Taunting Puzzles Revealing Locations Of 40 Years Of Murder Victims

5/28/2019 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 28, 2019

5/28/2019 - Struggling Single Mother Seriously Considering Putting Baby Up For Audition

5/28/2019 - U.S. Border Detentions By The Numbers

5/28/2019 - Chinese Government Asks Entire Nation To Pose While Millions Of Surveillance Cameras Take Photographs

5/27/2019 - Blues Forced To Forfeit Stanley Cup After Exhausting Annual Travel Budget

5/27/2019 - Modi Soars To Reelection Victory

5/27/2019 - Sexually Awakened PETA President Announces That Being Kept In A Tiny Cage All Day Actually Sounds Hot As Hell

5/27/2019 - Lowe’s Unveils New Table Saw With Attached Ice Chest For Storing Cut-Off Fingers

5/27/2019 - Unpopular Orange To Be Phased Out Of Visible Spectrum

5/27/2019 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of May 27, 2019

5/24/2019 - Nancy Pelosi Slams Edited Footage With Claim That When She’s Drunk You’ll Fucking Know It

5/24/2019 - Ed Sheeran Releasing Collaborative Album

5/24/2019 - ICE Agent Can’t Believe He Being Reprimanded For Child Who Died All Those Months Ago

5/24/2019 - 5 Things To Know About The 2019 Measles Outbreak

5/24/2019 - Corner Store Customers Saddened By Sight Of Frantic Trump Doing Scratch-Off Tickets Right On Counter

5/24/2019 - McDonald’s To Add Global Items To Food Menu

5/24/2019 - Chicago Authorities Free Over 2,000 Southpaws From Illegal Mascot Mill

5/24/2019 - Nintendo Announces That ‘Super Mario Maker 2’ Will Finally Let Users Build A Synagogue So Mario Can Get Bar Mitzvahed

5/24/2019 - Businessman Mortified To Discover He’s Been Wearing Suit Backwards All Day

5/24/2019 - Depressed LeBron James Realizes That At His Age Copernicus Was Developing Theory Of Heliocentrism

5/24/2019 - New Employee Confused By Office Espresso Machine Just Returns To Desk With Mug Of Hot Water

5/23/2019 - NBA Requests Fans Sitting Courtside Not Release Derivative Albums

5/23/2019 - Urban Outfitters Introducing Clothing Rental Service

5/23/2019 - Song Banged Out In Half Hour By Professional Songwriters To Define Teenager’s Personality For Next Two Years

5/23/2019 - Jay Inslee Recalls Decision To Run For President After 5 Teens From Across Globe Pressed Enchanted Rings Together To Call Him Into Existence

5/23/2019 - Moby Provides Long-Range, Blurry Photo Taken Through Window To Prove He Currently Dating Natalie Portman

5/23/2019 - Geologists Uncover Slab Of Amber Containing Perfectly Preserved Adam And Eve

5/23/2019 - Tyson Holds Contest To Let Fans Submit New Ideas For Torturing Chicken To Death

5/23/2019 - Japan Begins Testing Next-Gen Bullet Train

5/23/2019 - India Continues Surge Towards Status As First World Nation By Reelecting Racist, Right-Wing Authoritarian

5/23/2019 - A Country Divided: The Onion Takes An In-Depth Look At How State Boundaries Work

5/23/2019 - Keanu Reeves Recalls Preparing For ‘John Wick 3’ By Acting In Two Previous ‘John Wick’ Films

5/23/2019 - Tips For Home Baking

5/23/2019 - Trump Warns China Not To Underestimate His Willingness To Sacrifice Every American’s Well-Being

5/23/2019 - Tips For Playing ‘Rage 2’

5/23/2019 - Polite Disney World Guest Decides Not To Bother Mickey Mouse For Picture

5/22/2019 - 25 McDonald’s Employees Come Forward With Sexual Harassment Claim

5/22/2019 - Resistance Is Fetal

5/22/2019 - Woman Attempting To Cultivate Self-Love Forced To Start Completely From Scratch After Photo Where Nose Looks Kind Of Weird

5/22/2019 - Distraught Man Still Finding Painful Reminders Of Long-Gone Hoagie Around Apartment

5/22/2019 - Mild Mild West: ‘Red Dead Online’ Isn’t Worth Playing Since You Can See Real Horses At The Zoo

5/22/2019 - David Brooks Decries Incivility Of Modern Plumbing After Tripping On Feet And Falling Headfirst Into Toilet

5/22/2019 - I Am An Affront To God

5/22/2019 - Coach’s Un-Athletic Son Going To Get Fucking Reamed After Game For Dropping Fly Ball

5/22/2019 - Pros And Cons Of Noise-Canceling Headphones

5/22/2019 - Cousin Really Going All-In On Retweeting Porn Stars

5/22/2019 - Britney Spears May Never Perform Again

5/21/2019 - Everything We Know About The ‘Final Fantasy VII’ Remake

5/21/2019 - ‘Game Of Thrones’ Caps Off Series Finale

5/21/2019 - Trump Demands Investigation Into Whether Clintons Gave Him Non-Registry Wedding Gift In 2005

5/21/2019 - Mom Guesses Dressbarn Closure Means She’ll Just Have To Go Shop With All The Sluts Over At Chico’s Now

5/21/2019 - Employee Using Up Sick Days Before Leaving Company

5/21/2019 - People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year

5/21/2019 - Freedom-Wielding High Schooler Freedoms Down 16 Classmates In Latest Mass Freedoming

5/21/2019 - Zion Williamson Excited To Play For Team With Proven History Of Frittering Away Generational Talents

5/21/2019 - New Chocolate Flavor ‘Ruby’ Coming To U.S.

5/21/2019 - 5 Things To Know About ‘Aladdin’

5/21/2019 - Wedding Experts Say Engagement Ring Should Cost At Least Three Diamond Miners’ Lives

5/21/2019 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 21, 2019

5/20/2019 - San Francisco Bans Facial Recognition Technology

5/20/2019 - Nigel Farage Dies Of Milkshake Wounds

5/20/2019 - Actor Who Portrayed The Night King Recalls Challenge Of Playing Character With No Purpose

5/20/2019 - Relationship Experts Still No Closer To Discovering What Scarlett Johansson Sees In Colin Jost

5/20/2019 - Adrenaline-Fueled Mother Lifts Heavy Child From Car

5/20/2019 - Archive From 1989: Can The Human Mind Handle The Sensory Experience Of 16-Bit Technology?

5/20/2019 - Cory Booker Tries To Relate To Rural Voters By Mangling Hand In Grain Auger

5/20/2019 - Chase CEO Giving Commencement Speech Pledges To Double Whole Class’s Student Loan Debt

5/20/2019 - Man Has Extra Spring In His Step After Getting News That Classmate Moved Home And Stopped Pursuing Her Dream

5/20/2019 - In Major Blow To Sony’s Upcoming PlayStation 5, Microsoft Announces PlayStation 6

5/20/2019 - Entire Southern Border Somehow On Fire 10 Minutes After Kushner Begins Tackling Immigration System

5/20/2019 - Weary, Cynical Woman Knows Better Than To Bring Tomato Plant Into World Like This

5/20/2019 - Pond A Little Too Serene

5/20/2019 - Nation’s Math Professors Announce Plans To Continue Wearing Chinos With Running Shoes Indefinitely

5/20/2019 - SAT To Add ‘Adversity Score’ To Address Socioeconomic Disparities

5/20/2019 - Candidate With No Chance Of Winning Nomination Settles On Goal Of Crushing Hickenlooper Campaign

5/20/2019 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of May 20, 2019

5/18/2019 - Inslee Releases $9 Trillion Climate Plan

5/17/2019 - The History Of Robocalls

5/17/2019 - Adam Gase To Play All 22 Positions After Pushing Out Entire Jets Team

5/17/2019 - World Rejoices As Grumpy Cat And Her Shitty Attitude Dead Forever

5/17/2019 - Bleeding John Bolton Stumbles Into Capitol Building Claiming That Iran Shot Him

5/17/2019 - Michael Wolff Finishes Sequel To ‘Fire And Fury’

5/17/2019 - ‘Game Of Thrones’ Showrunners Disappointed With How Quality Of Fans Has Dropped Off Over Past Couple Seasons

5/17/2019 - Excited Archaeologists Hit Mass Grave Jackpot

5/17/2019 - Friends Place Memorial On Section Of Six Flags Roller Coaster Track Where Guest Died

5/17/2019 - Arizona Legalizes Nunchucks

5/17/2019 - New MLB Rules Reduce Number Of Mound Conjugal Visits

5/17/2019 - Bugs Bunny Explains How LeBron Helped Him Get Sober For Role In ‘Space Jam’ Sequel

5/16/2019 - Alabama Effectively Bans Abortion

5/16/2019 - They Did it Again: During Wednesday’s Nintendo Direct The Company Announced The Beauty Of A Rose

5/16/2019 - BREAKING: Situation Worsens In Venezuela, Bolivia, U.S., Japan, Mexico, Iraq, Spain

5/16/2019 - Woman Walking Alone At Night Picks Up Pace After Spotting Truck Full Of Alabama Lawmakers Slowly Following Her

5/16/2019 - Alabama Governor Signs New ‘Heartbeat Bill’ Lowering State’s Age Of Consent

5/16/2019 - Pfizer Denies Encouraging Drug Abuse By Packaging Fentanyl With Cooking Spoon, Lighter

5/16/2019 - How To Avoid Spoilers

5/16/2019 - ‘New York Times’ Rehires Judith Miller To Cover Escalating Iran Tensions

5/16/2019 - Shit, No Way Stadium Staff Throwing T-Shirts Can Reach You

5/16/2019 - Wikipedia Blocked In China

5/15/2019 - John Bolton: ‘An Attack On Two Saudi Oil Tankers Is An Attack On All Americans’

5/15/2019 - Nationals GM Introduces Players To New Stepmanager

5/15/2019 - New Tamagotchi Can Have Children And Marry

5/15/2019 - Mike Gravel Can’t Believe His Polling Numbers Neck-And-Neck With Fucking Nobody Like Wayne Messam

5/15/2019 - Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

5/15/2019 - Abused 12-Year-Old Alabama Girl Doesn’t Think She Can Handle Being A Mom On Top Of Everything Else

5/15/2019 - Pros And Cons Of Weighted Blankets

5/15/2019 - Aides Request John Bolton Please Stop Setting Fire To Middle East Tactical Map

5/15/2019 - Predictions For ‘Game Of Thrones’ Final Episode

5/15/2019 - Report: It Not Good Time For Long, Devastating War For Iran, Either

5/15/2019 - EA Announces New Revenue Model Just Deleting Everyone’s ‘Anthem’ Characters Unless They Send Company $300 In Next Hour

5/15/2019 - Showerhead Self-Conscious About Single Jet That Sprays Sideways

5/15/2019 - Dow Plunges As China–U.S. Trade War Escalates

5/15/2019 - Deutsche Bank Begins Removing Possessions From White House After Trump Defaults On Loan

5/14/2019 - NBA Draft Lottery Swells To 3 Zion Williamsons After No Winning Tickets Drawn

5/14/2019 - PBS Defends ‘Arthur’ Episode Where Mr. Ratburn Reveals He’s The Ultimate Twink Power Bottom

5/14/2019 - Next Measles Outbreak Most Likely To Hit Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami

5/14/2019 - New Poll Finds Millennials Far More Likely To Politically Identify As Feudalists Than Previous Generations

5/14/2019 - E3 2019 Press Conference Schedule

5/14/2019 - Trump Reassures Struggling Farmers He Has Never Seen One Of Them And Cannot Be Sure They Even Exist

5/14/2019 - Man Who’s Been In A Bunch Of Buildings Figures He’d Be A Pretty Good Architect

5/14/2019 - Dow Drops 600 Points Over Picture Of Worried Stock Broker Staring At Computer Screen

5/14/2019 - 5 Things To Know About ‘Jeopardy!’ Champ James Holzhauer

5/14/2019 - Rust Belt Town Protests Construction Of New Truck Stop That Would Obstruct Views Of State Penitentiary

5/14/2019 - Papal Decree Holds Bishops Accountable For Sexual Abuse

5/14/2019 - Touching Tribute: Nintendo Is Finally Adding A Grass-Type Pokémon Based On James Gandolfini

5/14/2019 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 14, 2019

5/13/2019 - ABC Producers Blasted For Controversial Selection Of Underage ‘Bachelorette’

5/13/2019 - Pelosi Declares Nation In ‘Constitutional Crisis’

5/13/2019 - A Preview Of All The Games Corey’s Mom’s Boyfriend Is Going To Buy Him This Summer

5/13/2019 - Korean Pop Group BTS Shakes Up Lineup By Adding Really Old Guy

5/13/2019 - Feminist Gamers Rejoice: Dead Or Alive 6’s Female Characters All Have Huge, Jiggling Breasts Because Every Woman Should Feel Beautiful

5/13/2019 - Craftsman Confirms New Hammer Backwards-Compatible With Previous Generation Of Nails

5/13/2019 - Liberal Relieved He Never Has To Introspect Again After Assembling All The Correct Opinions

5/13/2019 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of May 13, 2019

5/13/2019 - Cruise Ship Sound System Reports Widespread Feeling Of Hot Hot Hot

5/13/2019 - Facebook Cofounder Calls For Breaking Up Social Media Giant

5/10/2019 - Trump Asserts Executive Privilege Over Mueller Report

5/10/2019 - U.S. Fish And Wildlife Service Reintroduces Straw Hat-Wearing Boys To Old Fishin’ Holes

5/10/2019 - Tips For Going Through A Divorce

5/10/2019 - Turning Point USA Condemns UNLV Student For Filming Racist Video In Portrait Mode

5/10/2019 - Trump Motorcade Picks Up Few Lyft Passengers To Help President Make Ends Meet

5/10/2019 - National Weather Service Releases Composite Sketch Of Tornado It Believes Ravaged Midwest

5/10/2019 - Car Ride Devoted To Explaining What Things Will Be Different About Grandma This Visit

5/10/2019 - Alabama Cracks Down On Abortions By Outlawing All Medical Procedures

5/10/2019 - Upset Red Sox Fan Demands To Speak To Manager

5/10/2019 - Incredibly Lazy And Unprofessional: This Video Game Developer Is Always The First To Leave His Office At 11:45 P.M. Every Day

5/10/2019 - Islam Is Incompatible With Country-Western Culture

5/10/2019 - Harried Woman On Train Quickly Doing Plastic Surgery On Face Before Work

5/10/2019 - Trump Taxes Show He Lost $1 Billion Over Decade

5/9/2019 - MLB Scouts Impressed By Pitching Machine Consistently Hitting 90 On Radar Gun

5/9/2019 - De Blasio PAC Spends $30 Million On Ads Urging Candidate Not To Embarrass Self By Running

5/9/2019 - Trump Forced To Take On Second Job As CVS Cashier In Order To Pay Down Business Debts

5/9/2019 - Disney Delays ‘Avatar 2’ Until 2021

5/9/2019 - Denver’s Flaming Skull Mayor Announces Plans To Decriminalize Magic Mushrooms

5/9/2019 - Divorcing Parents Assure Anxious Kids That Dog Still Loves Them

5/9/2019 - YouTube Rushes To Shut Down School Shooter’s Account Over Copyright Complaints

5/9/2019 - How To Get More Viewers For Your YouTube Channel

5/9/2019 - Kyrie Irving Promises Celtics He Won’t Quit On Whatever Team He Signs With This Offseason

5/9/2019 - LGBTQ Representation Win! A New ‘The Last Of Us 2’ Trailer Revealed That Harvey Milk Is Still Alive In The Game’s Universe

5/9/2019 - Agile, Dynamic Company Able To Respond To Any Challenge By Laying Off Half Of Staff

5/9/2019 - Everything We Know About ‘Pokémon Sword And Shield’

5/9/2019 - One Million Species Could Go Extinct Because Of Humans

5/9/2019 - Boyfriend’s Comforter An Unzipped Sleeping Bag

5/8/2019 - Georgia Governor Signs Bill Outlawing Abortion Except For Single 30-Second Window On Third Day Of Fourth Week Of Pregnancy

5/8/2019 - Jay Inslee Smashes Through Wall Of Town Hall In Solar-Powered Mech Suit To Announce Climate Change Plan

5/8/2019 - ‘The Voice’ Amends Rules To Allow Votes From Those Who Aren’t White Landowning Males

5/8/2019 - Honda Civic Refusing To Start Engine In Solidarity With Striking Uber Workers

5/8/2019 - Han’s Gone Solo

5/8/2019 - How Restaurants’ Health Inspection Grades Are Calculated

5/8/2019 - Company Commits To Hiring More Bengal Tigers In Effort To Improve Office Biodiversity

5/8/2019 - New Education Program Inspires Economically Advantaged Youth To Express Themselves Through Funding The Arts

5/8/2019 - Everyone Must Play This Amazing New Indie Game That Probably Exists About A Lonely Penguin That Inherited His Family’s House Or Some Shit

5/8/2019 - Miami Marlins Looking At Eliminating Unprofitable Baseball Wing Of Organization

5/8/2019 - Denver Votes On Decriminalizing Magic Mushrooms

5/8/2019 - Waitress Treated Extra Courteously To Compensate For Assholes At Adjacent Table

5/8/2019 - 5 Things To Know About ‘Pokemon Detective Pikachu’

5/8/2019 - New ‘Call Of Duty’ Career Mode Lets Player Join Raytheon’s Board Of Directors After Military Service

5/7/2019 - Royal Baby Born

5/7/2019 - ‘Voila,’ Yells Exhausted Lady Gaga During 149th Consecutive Costume Change As Met Visitors Gingerly Step Over Her

5/7/2019 - 5 Takeaways From The U.N. Report On Global Warming

5/7/2019 - Top Indie Games On Steam

5/7/2019 - Bye!

5/7/2019 - Los Angeles Plans To Hold 2028 Olympics In Toronto For The Tax Incentives

5/7/2019 - FDA Launches Food Awareness Month To Get Americans Interested In Eating

5/7/2019 - Sickly, Starving Rhino Not As Fun To Hunt

5/7/2019 - Sweet Karma: Your High School Computer Lab Teacher Who Installed The Browser Blocker That Stopped You From Playing Flash Games Is Very Sick Now

5/7/2019 - Film Critics Captivated By Use Of One Long, Unbroken Take In Parent’s Recording Of Middle School ‘Guys And Dolls’ Production

5/7/2019 - Scientists Find Cocaine In Shrimp

5/7/2019 - Entire Meal Prep For Week Eaten By Tuesday

5/7/2019 - The Top 10 Most Underrated U.S. Vacation Destinations

5/7/2019 - Leaked Footage Reveals Grisly Scene Where Detective Pikachu Examines Jigglypuff’s Corpse At Morgue

5/6/2019 - Christians Most Persecuted Religious Group Worldwide, Report Finds

5/6/2019 - Grandma Wants To Know If You’re Still Drawing

5/6/2019 - Queen Elizabeth Disappointed In New Royal Baby Boy’s Lack Of Proper Inbreeding

5/6/2019 - History Of The Filibuster

5/6/2019 - R.L. Stine Admits Every Book He’s Written Directly Dictated To Him By God

5/6/2019 - ‘Cyberpunk 2077’: The Sprawling Sci-Fi RPG Shows Real Promise, But I Can’t Give A Full Appraisal After Only 1,500 Hours Of Play Time

5/6/2019 - Kanye West Anthology Series In Works Starring Jaden Smith

5/6/2019 - Failing Memory Fuses Robert Wuhl, Kevin Pollack Into Single Entity

5/6/2019 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of May 6, 2019

5/5/2019 - ‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Annoyed By Obvious Product Placement For Valyrian Steel

5/4/2019 - Video On Ref’s Replay Screen Just Adam Silver Demanding He Call Fewer Fouls On Warriors

5/3/2019 - Halima Aden Becomes First Sports Illustrated Model To Wear Burkini

5/3/2019 - Diners Eating Impossible Burgers Doused With Beet Juice By Protesting Meat-Rights Activists

5/3/2019 - JJ Abrams Announces Meryl Streep Will Take Over Role Of Chewbacca

5/3/2019 - Stanford Students Admit It Was Pretty Obvious Billionaire’s Dog Didn’t Get In By Itself

5/3/2019 - Noncompete Clause In Lease Bars Tenants From Living Anywhere Else For 90 Days After Moving Out

5/3/2019 - George Lucas Recalls Peter Mayhew Ad-Libbing Decision To Play Character As Nonverbal, Fur-Covered Monster

5/3/2019 - Facebook Bans Thousands Of Snowboarders, Base Jumpers In Crackdown On ‘Dangerous’ Accounts

5/3/2019 - Man Taking Unemployment As Opportunity To Think About How He Really Wants Out Of Life

5/3/2019 - Report: What You Just Said Reminds Man Of Thing He’d Rather Talk About

5/3/2019 - ‘I Don’t Like The Look Of This,’ Says Astronaut Entering Flickering, Ooze-Covered Abandoned Section Of ISS

5/3/2019 - Zoologists Thrilled After Successfully Getting Pair Of Bengal Tigers To 69 In Captivity

5/3/2019 - Obamas Announce Slate Of Netflix Shows

5/3/2019 - Boeing ... Boeing ... Gone

5/2/2019 - Mueller Took Issue With Barr Letter

5/2/2019 - Joel Embiid Downing Bucket Of Lukewarm Shrimp In Preparation For Game 3

5/2/2019 - Facebook Bans Extremist Figures After Designating Them Dangerous To Its Public Reputation

5/2/2019 - K-Pop Group BTS Excited For First American Tour Since 1963 Appearance On ‘Ed Sullivan’

5/2/2019 - Childish Gambino Teases Concept Album Exploring What World Might Be Like If He Put A Shirt On

5/2/2019 - Taylor Swift Accused Of Ripping Off Beyoncé By Giving Birth To Twins As Part Of Billboard Music Awards Performance

5/2/2019 - William Barr Shows Up To Congress To Testify At 3 A.M. After Reading Email Wrong

5/2/2019 - Radicalized Patagonia Releases New Fleece Made Of 100% Recycled Oil Company CEOs

5/2/2019 - 5 Things To Know About Boeing’s Ongoing Issues

5/2/2019 - NHL Fans Claim Hockey Way More Fun If You There In Person, On Ice Playing Game

5/2/2019 - Tim Schafer Gives OGN An Exclusive Preview Of Psychonauts 2’s Legal Disclaimer Screen

5/2/2019 - Trump Dismisses Concerns Over White House Chaos After Pack Of Feral Dogs Takes Over 4th West Wing Room

5/2/2019 - Drunk American In England Still Not Used To Driving On Left Sidewalk

5/2/2019 - Thank God We Didn’t Have Written Language Back When I Was A Teenager

5/2/2019 - Trump And Democrats Agree On $2 Trillion Infrastructure Deal

5/1/2019 - Coup Underway In Venezuela

5/1/2019 - How To Use Less Plastic

5/1/2019 - God Decides Against Killing Self After Angel Shows Him What Life Would Be Like If He Never Existed

5/1/2019 - Gamers Rejoice: Here Is The Word ‘Japan’

5/1/2019 - RockStar Games Begins Imprisoning Programmers For ‘Red Dead Redemption 3’

5/1/2019 - Spotify Reaches 100 Million Paying Subscribers

5/1/2019 - Realtor Emphasizing Neighborhood’s Proximity To Much Nicer Neighborhood

5/1/2019 - ‘SpongeBob SquarePants’ Turns 20

5/1/2019 - Our Annual Year: Best Of April