Sitemap
2020 July
7/31/2020 - Federal Troops Tear-Gas Yankees Off Field So Trump Can Throw Out First Pitch
7/31/2020 - New Jayson Tatum Free Throw Ritual Involves Blinking ‘Help Us’ In Morse Code
7/31/2020 - Garth Brooks Withdraws Self From Top Country Music Association Award
7/31/2020 - Barack Obama Storms Out Of Michelle Obama Podcast Interview After Questions About Administration’s Drone Use
7/31/2020 - Congress Approves Defense Relief Funding For Americans To Receive Stimulus Aircraft Carrier
7/31/2020 - Voting Rights Lawsuits That Could Affect The 2020 Election
7/31/2020 - Hacky Pop-Up Book’s Narrative Tension Pretty Dependent On Lifting Colored Flaps
7/31/2020 - Federal Agents Drive 3 Hours Away From Portland Before Realizing Abducted Protester Still In Backseat
7/31/2020 - Real-Life ‘Nintendogs’? This Furry 4-Legged Creature Loves To Snuggle And Play
7/31/2020 - Highlights From The First Week Of MLB Play
7/31/2020 - Authorities Abandon Search For Missing Girl After Finding Huge Bass While Dredging Lake
7/31/2020 - Patient Rushed Into Unnecessary Surgery To Save Cash-Strapped Hospital
7/31/2020 - New Blood Test Could Diagnose Alzheimer’s In Dementia Patients
7/30/2020 - Mattel Unveils Barbie 2020 Campaign Team Dolls
7/30/2020 - Biden Campaign Whittles VP Shortlist Down To Either Woman Or Man With Long Hair
7/30/2020 - Top Contenders For The 2020 NBA Season Restart
7/30/2020 - Ravens Fan Can’t Believe Ray Lewis Charging $300 On Cameo Just To Stab People
7/30/2020 - Thighs On Fucking Fire 12 Seconds Into Flirty Lap Dance
7/30/2020 - Ellen: ‘I Never Intended To Make Staff Feel Unsafe By Wearing A Bloodied Ram Skull And Stalking Them With A Hatchet’
7/30/2020 - Theoretical Astro-Fetishists Posit Black Holes Could Be Used For Anonymous Sex Across Parallel Universes
7/30/2020 - 5 Things To Know About Wearing Masks
7/30/2020 - Jimmy Carter Added To Mount Rushmore After Becoming 5th Former President To Bowl Perfect 300
7/30/2020 - Bryan Cranston’s Teen Harem Headlines Our All-Libel Issue
7/30/2020 - Teens In India Discover Asteroid Near Mars
7/29/2020 - 5 Things To Know About Taylor Swift’s ‘Folklore’
7/29/2020 - Tech CEOs Testify Before Congress In Antitrust Hearing
7/29/2020 - Brian Kemp Pushes Against Coronavirus Restrictions By Moving All Government Business To Packed Indoor Pool
7/29/2020 - Kanye Forced To Sleep In Separate Hyperbaric Chamber After Kim Kicks Him Out Of Geodesic Dome
7/29/2020 - Rob Manfred Frustrated MLB Season Falling Apart Despite All The Energy He Put Into Wishing It Wouldn’t
7/29/2020 - Hopefully Neighborhood Children Enjoy 2004 Coding Textbook Man Added To Lending Library
7/29/2020 - Scientists Locate Impact Crater From Asteroid That Destroyed Roman Empire
7/29/2020 - Cop Out
7/29/2020 - Pros And Cons Of Banning TikTok
7/29/2020 - Funeral Alright
7/29/2020 - God Reminds Angels That Helping Struggling Baseball Teams Their Number-One Priority
7/29/2020 - Billboard Still Touting March 20 Premiere For ‘A Quiet Place Part II’ What Finally Drives Home How Much Man Has Lost In Pandemic
7/29/2020 - Happiness In Selfie Almost Looks Real
7/29/2020 - Fisher-Price Announces Company Has Grown Out Of Making Stupid Toys For Babies
7/29/2020 - Rescue Team Saves St. Bernard From England’s Highest Peak
7/28/2020 - Kyrie Irving Donates $1.5 Million To Support WNBA Players Sitting Out Season
7/28/2020 - Area Man Will Always Remember This As The Summer He Lived Life Normally And Everyone Was Mad At Him
7/28/2020 - Soulja Boy Shocks Fans After Having Face Tattoo Removed
7/28/2020 - ‘We Are Upholding The Rule Of Law,’ Bill Barr Tells Congress While Federal Agents Drag Jerry Nadler Into Unmarked Van
7/28/2020 - Queen Elizabeth II Worried She’s Next On Chopping Block If Beefeaters Laid Off
7/28/2020 - L.A. Designates Open-Air Dining Areas Along 101 Freeway Median
7/28/2020 - Mom Calls Daughter In Panic After Ultra-Realistic Nightmare That She Chopped Off Her Beautiful Hair
7/28/2020 - How Schools Plan To Reopen During Coronavirus Pandemic
7/28/2020 - Anteater Knows It’s Stereotypical But Can’t Help But Love Ants
7/28/2020 - U.S. Requires Hurricanes To Quarantine For 2 Weeks Before Traveling To Other States Along Coastline
7/28/2020 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 28, 2020
7/28/2020 - Missing Red Panda Returns To Columbus Zoo
7/27/2020 - Trump Advisors Say Americans Will Get Second $1,200 Stimulus Check
7/27/2020 - Closed Ballpark Forces Thousands Of Phillies Fans To Be Content Verbally Threatening Friends And Family
7/27/2020 - More Cities Offering Drive-Thru Covid Injection Sites To Put Citizens Out Of Misery
7/27/2020 - MLB Announces Players Will Now Be Quarantined For 14 Days Between Bases
7/27/2020 - Rep. Yoho Removed From Charity Board Over Sexist Comments Toward Ocasio-Cortez
7/27/2020 - Defensive Chicago Police Officer Perfectly Capable Of Disappearing Protestors Without Help From Homeland Security
7/27/2020 - Whoopsies: The Vatican Has Ruled That Nintendo Committed A Venial Sin After Imbuing Lifeless Paper Products With The Soul Of Mario
7/27/2020 - Irresponsible Man Not Even Doing Part To Develop Coronavirus Vaccine
7/27/2020 - Bush Administration Reunites On Zoom For Table Read Of National Intelligence Brief Used To Justify Iraq War
7/27/2020 - Missing Teen Looks Like He Can Probably Take Care of Himself Out There
7/27/2020 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 27, 2020
7/27/2020 - Nation’s CEOs Sign Pledge To Continue Fucking Over Americans
7/27/2020 - So-Called Career Woman Laid Off
7/24/2020 - Excited Vlad Guerrero Jr. Can’t Believe He Gets To Keep Foul Ball
7/24/2020 - House Censures Ocasio-Cortez For Using Sexist Slur On Floor Of Congress
7/24/2020 - Everything We Learned From The New ‘Halo Infinite’ Gameplay Trailer
7/24/2020 - Taylor Swift Drops Surprise Album
7/24/2020 - Twitter Bans 7,000 Hate Accounts That Were A Little Too On The Nose
7/24/2020 - Victoria’s Secret Introduces New Sexy Push-Up Jack For Maximum Lift
7/24/2020 - Respectful Jogger Yells ‘Move Or I Could Kill You’ As They Run Past
7/24/2020 - Student Travels To Remote Indian Temple To Train With Legendary Yoga Ball
7/24/2020 - Cubs Install Cardboard Cutouts Of Fans Pissing All Over Streets Outside Wrigley Field
7/24/2020 - Country Time CEO Unsure If Company Supposed To Be Racist Or Not
7/24/2020 - In-Flight Announcement Thanks Passengers For Choosing To Destroy Planet With Southwest
7/24/2020 - How To Ease U.S.–China Tensions
7/24/2020 - Study Finds Couples Who Live With Moldering Corpse Of Mother Having Less Sex
7/24/2020 - Comic-Con Goes Online For 2020 Festival
7/23/2020 - 5 Common Workout Mistakes
7/23/2020 - ICUs Reach Breaking Point As Nation Hits 4 Million Coronavirus Hoaxes
7/23/2020 - Ohio House Speaker Arrested In $60 Million Bribery Scheme
7/23/2020 - Aunt Who’s Really Mom’s Friend Announces She Saw Inside Of Willie Nelson’s Bus Once
7/23/2020 - 530 Million Years Later, Do Fish Still Hold Up?
7/23/2020 - Clumsy Stealth Drone Surveilling Taliban Base Flees After Accidentally Knocking Over Potted Plant
7/23/2020 - Nation’s Women Mourn Loss Of Ann Taylor Despite Always Claiming Cute Top From Anthropologie
7/23/2020 - Asshole Refusing To Pay Reward For Lost Dog As If Poster Specified It Had To Be Alive
7/23/2020 - ‘It Wasn’t The First Birthday We Imagined, But We Spent The Day Surrounded By Love,’ Begins Elegant Tapestry Of Fabricated Embellishments
7/23/2020 - Desperate CDC Now Just Claiming Wearing A Mask Will Make You Rich And Famous Beyond Wildest Dreams
7/23/2020 - Frustrated Mayors Demand Constituents Stop Paying Such Close Attention To Everything They Do
7/23/2020 - Country Time Offers ‘Littlest Bailout’ To Kids Who Can’t Run Lemonade Stands This Year
7/22/2020 - Study Finds Universal Mask Use Could Cut U.S. Coronavirus Deaths By 67%
7/22/2020 - Baseball Fan Excited For Return Of Switching To Movie After 2 Hours When It’s 5-1 In The 4th Inning
7/22/2020 - Timeline Of Presidential Polling
7/22/2020 - LeBron James On Quest To Hunt Down Owners Of Rare Rookie Cards That Contain Fragments Of His Soul
7/22/2020 - White House Clarifies That Trump Was Just Sending General Well Wishes To All Sex Traffickers
7/22/2020 - Disaster: Luigi Left His Space Heater Plugged In For 3 Days And The Entire ‘Paper Mario’ Kingdom Burned Down
7/22/2020 - Del Monte Introduces New Extended-Release, Maximum-Strength Peaches
7/22/2020 - Encouraging Report Finds Polar Bears Evolving Aerospace Engineering Skills Necessary To Escape Overheating Planet
7/22/2020 - New Streaming Service Still Struggling To Come Up With Name Stupid Enough That Public Becomes Furious When They Hear It
7/22/2020 - 5 Things To Know About The Federal Agents In Portland
7/22/2020 - Catcaller Not Sure What The Big Deal Is Since He’d Love For A Woman To Call Him A Fat, Stuck-Up Bitch
7/22/2020 - The Best Cities To Live In For Fans Of Rock And Roll Museums And The Cleveland Browns
7/22/2020 - Heavily Armed Fans Guard Statue Of Yogi Bear In Case It Turns Out He Supported Confederacy
7/22/2020 - Beefeaters Face Job Cuts For First Time In History
7/21/2020 - Trump Resumes Coronavirus Briefings As Cases Surge
7/21/2020 - Homeland Security Claims Protesters Snatched Off Streets As Part Of New Surprise Makeover Series
7/21/2020 - New Congressional Stimulus Would Provide National Tip Jar For All Americans Making Under $40,000
7/21/2020 - Edmund Pettus Bridge Officially Renamed As Edmund Pettus-John Lewis Friendship Bridge
7/21/2020 - Fox News Announces Entire Channel Taking Preplanned Vacation In Wake Of Sexual Assault Lawsuit
7/21/2020 - Netflix Confirms Cancel Membership Button Will Be Leaving Streaming Service Next Month
7/21/2020 - PC Culture Gone Too Far? Typing ‘Western Civilization’ Into The Chat Box In ‘The Sims’ Doesn’t Unlock Any Cheats
7/21/2020 - ‘Huh, That’s Kind Of Weird,’ Thinks Fruit Fly Diving In To Dish Of Honey Containing Corpses Of 15 Other Fruit Flies
7/21/2020 - Man Unaware Majority Of His Life’s Failures Directly Caused By Getting Only 80% Daily Recommended Thiamine
7/21/2020 - Epidemiologists Explain When They’ll Feel Comfortable Doing Normal Things Again
7/21/2020 - Nation Calls For Return Of Theme Songs That Explain Show’s Whole Deal
7/21/2020 - Bray At Home
7/21/2020 - CDC Horrified After Discovering Existence Of Thousands Of Public Pools
7/21/2020 - Creatively Recharged Tucker Carlson Comes Up With Week Of Show Ideas After Hispanic Cashier Gives Him Wrong Change
7/21/2020 - United Arab Emirates Successfully Launches Migrant Workers To Mars To Build Luxury Colonies
7/21/2020 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 21, 2020
7/21/2020 - Pandemic Sets Off National Coin Shortage
7/20/2020 - Braves Remove Tomahawk Chop Statue
7/20/2020 - DHS Secretary Assuages Concerns About Protester Abductions By Promising This Will All Feel Routine In A Month
7/20/2020 - Charmin Under Fire For New Ad Suggesting It Wouldn’t Be Bad Idea If Everyone Started Hoarding Toilet Paper Again
7/20/2020 - MTV Names Richard Lewis New Host of ‘Wild ’N Out’ In Effort To Court Jewish Audience
7/20/2020 - Trump Campaign Releases Damning Video Of 30-Year-Old Puerto Rican Joe Biden Promoting Socialism
7/20/2020 - Toddler Feels Somewhat Torn About Pretending To Be Policeman In Current Climate
7/20/2020 - Man Longingly Imagines What Life Would Be Like If Pizza Deliveryman Outside Building Were Here For Him
7/20/2020 - Union Soldiers Battle Aliens At Annual Gettysburg Ahistorical Reenactment
7/20/2020 - Man Throws Caution To The Wind By Touching Elevator Button With Bare Finger
7/20/2020 - Spain Holds First Annual ‘Running Of The Virus’ Festival
7/20/2020 - Mortgage Rates Fall Below 3% For First Time
7/20/2020 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 20, 2020
7/17/2020 - Georgia Governor Bans Local Governments From Mandating Masks
7/17/2020 - Dog Could Really Go For Some Women’s Underwear Right Now
7/17/2020 - Apologetic Dan Snyder Pledges To Spend Rest Of Life Re-Earning Trust Of Great Brands Like FedEx
7/17/2020 - Teacher Wonders If Outer Space Or Ocean Better Theme For Bulletin Board Listing Coronavirus Rules
7/17/2020 - Blatant Rip-Off: The Main Character In ‘Ghost Of Tsushima’ Is Clearly Modeled On The Samurai From Japanese History
7/17/2020 - Genetics: Myth Vs. Fact
7/17/2020 - Cat Too Evil To Pet, Too Soft Not To
7/17/2020 - Arctic’s Rapid Thawing Not Helped By Todd, A Guy Up There Rubbing His Warm Body All Over The Ice
7/17/2020 - Cause And Infect
7/17/2020 - Tyra Banks Named New Host Of ‘Dancing With The Stars’
7/16/2020 - Man Trademarks Dozens Of Possible New Names For Washington Redskins
7/16/2020 - How Coronavirus Will Change Travel
7/16/2020 - Panicked Officials Agree To Reopen Gyms After Disastrous 85% Drop In Nation’s Chiseled Studs
7/16/2020 - Melania Trump Figures It’s Time To Sit Barron Down And Tell Him He Was Bred For His Organs
7/16/2020 - Father’s Increasingly Virulent Racism Excused Because Of How Difficult It Is For Him To Get Out Of Chair Now
7/16/2020 - Mike Greenberg Encouraged To Wear Mask To Help Prevent Spread Of Inane Commentary
7/16/2020 - Another Audubon Society Board Meeting Derailed By Members Scoffing Over Proportions Of Tweety Bird
7/16/2020 - Fisher-Price Introduces New Bungee Jumperoo For Thrill-Seeking Babies
7/16/2020 - Ways To Subtly Drop The Hint To Your Fire Department That Your House Is Burning Down
7/16/2020 - Congress Passes Bill To Build New 35-Mile Overpass Capable Of Housing Millions Of Evicted Americans
7/16/2020 - Study: Majority Of Americans Not Prepared For When Sun Engulfs Earth In 7.5 Billion Years
7/16/2020 - Glass Vial Shortage Could Delay Coronavirus Vaccine
7/15/2020 - A Guide To U.S. Coronavirus Travel Restrictions
7/15/2020 - Every Member Of Police Department Excitedly Volunteers To Go Undercover In White Supremacist Group
7/15/2020 - California Granting Bar-Closing Exemptions To Shithole Dives That Just Have 3 Old Guys Who’ll Be Dead Soon Anyway
7/15/2020 - Ominous Twitter Bio Warns Foolhardy Readers That They Have Entered Realm Of Political Incorrectness
7/15/2020 - Google Vows To Not Use Fitbit Data For Advertising
7/15/2020 - Gentle Whisper Of Wind Through Willows, Dappling Of Sunlight Upon Leaves Unsure What More They Have To Do To Make Dipshit Look Up From Phone
7/15/2020 - Unprocessed Rage Taken Out On Eyebrows
7/15/2020 - IRS Announces Taxpayers Can Make Checks Directly Payable To Any Corporation Or Billionaire They Want This Year
7/15/2020 - Nutritionists Admit You Can Just Eat Hot Dogs And Live Like That For Basically Decades
7/15/2020 - New Report Links Nationwide Decline In Mental Health To Not Being Able To Eat Inside Hard Rock Cafe
7/15/2020 - Wells Fargo Orders Employees To Delete TikTok Citing Security Concerns
7/14/2020 - Report: This Article Something To Look At For Few Minutes While Your Life Slips Away From You
7/14/2020 - Jerry Jones Changes Team’s Name To Redskins Now That It’s Available
7/14/2020 - Los Angeles, San Diego Schools Will Remain Remote-Only This Fall
7/14/2020 - Will Smith Reveals Extramarital Relationship With Younger ‘Gemini Man’ Co-Star
7/14/2020 - Woman Was Obviously In Middle Of Haircut When California Locked Down Again
7/14/2020 - Bank Heist Crew Beginning To Question Inclusion Of Entomology Expert
7/14/2020 - U.S. Policing By The Numbers
7/14/2020 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 14, 2020
7/14/2020 - New York Adds ‘No Deaf Child In Area’ Signs So Drivers Know When They Can Be As Reckless As Possible
7/14/2020 - Starbucks To Require Face Masks For Customers
7/14/2020 - Woman Crushing Spider As Humanely As Possible
7/14/2020 - Joe Rogan Starting To Make A Lot Of Sense To Man Who Gets All His News From Joe Rogan
7/14/2020 - Leaf Ruined After Being Left Out In Rain
7/13/2020 - Trump Commutes Sentence for Roger Stone
7/13/2020 - Trump Administration Plants 137,000 Corpses In Fauci’s Bed To Frame Him For Coronavirus Deaths
7/13/2020 - Defeated Player Vows To Log Back Onto ‘League Of Legends’ Early Tomorrow Morning When Most Teens Haven’t Woken Up
7/13/2020 - ‘Hey, I Think You’re Muted,’ Man Tells Coworker Screaming ‘Fuck You, Fuck All Of You’ On Zoom Call
7/13/2020 - KitchenAid Unveils New Lobster Sedation Kit To Reduce Cruelty Of Boiling Them Alive
7/13/2020 - Report: Carrying Around Boombox On Shoulder Still Coolest Thing Most Americans Can Imagine
7/13/2020 - Florida Shatters Daily Coronavirus Infection Record
7/13/2020 - Physicists Hail Major Breakthrough After Discovering Neutrinos Just Little Italian Neutrons
7/13/2020 - Ornithologists Attribute Owls’ Nocturnal Lifestyle To Hard Cocaine Habit
7/13/2020 - Prison Guards Gun Down Inmate Trying To Escape Jail Through Transportive Power Of Reading
7/13/2020 - Ominous Musical Cue Clarifies Audience Supposed To Be Frightened Of Blood-Splattered Man With Pickaxe
7/13/2020 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 13, 2020
7/10/2020 - Michael Cohen Sent Back To Prison
7/10/2020 - Timeline Of Officials Trying To Get Trump’s Financial Records
7/10/2020 - Self-Loathing GOP Congressman Can’t Believe He’s Been Reduced To Defending Necessity Of Public Schools
7/10/2020 - Deal Alert: An Advance Copy Of ‘Cyberpunk 2077’ Is Sitting On The Tracks And The Train Is Still A Good 50 Yards Away
7/10/2020 - CDC Guidelines Say It’s Safe To Play Tennis If That’s Honestly How You Want To Spend Your Free Time
7/10/2020 - Teens Flock To New App Where They Just Enter Own Personal Data Into Form
7/10/2020 - ‘Heeeeeeeeeurgghhhh,’ Wheezes Bob Dylan In Delight After Hearing Positive Reviews For Latest Album
7/10/2020 - Silicon Valley Billionaires Unveil Diversity Initiative To Replace 60% Of Own Blood With Transfusion From Young People Of Color
7/10/2020 - Continents That Formed Pangea: Where Are They Now?
7/10/2020 - New Crest Sweepstakes Offers Chance To Win 10 Million Teeth
7/10/2020 - Study Finds Rats Experience Bystander Effect
7/9/2020 - Johnny Depp Interrupts Libel Case To Duck Behind Witness Stand, Pop Up In Judge’s Robes Banging Oversized Gavel
7/9/2020 - How A Case Gets To The Supreme Court
7/9/2020 - Apologetic DeSean Jackson Pledges To Learn More By Going To Hitler Museum
7/9/2020 - Supreme Court Rules Employers Can Opt Out Of Birth Control Coverage
7/9/2020 - Total Banger On Grocery Store Loudspeaker Interrupted For Lost Child Announcement
7/9/2020 - Teen Who Died From Coronavirus Probably Had Undiagnosed Old Age
7/9/2020 - Panicking Professional Poker Player Suddenly Can’t Remember Whether Ace Is Better Than King
7/9/2020 - Cam Newton Scrambling To Get Up To Speed After Patriots Send Him Playbook Of Every NFL Team
7/9/2020 - Cursed Responders
7/9/2020 - UberEats Introduces New Icon To Show When Driver Engaged In High-Speed Car Chase
7/9/2020 - Texan Man Outfits Face Mask With Exhaust Pipe To Roll Coal
7/9/2020 - FBI Warns Teenage Cyberbullying Driving Hundreds Of Undercover Agents To Suicide
7/9/2020 - Pandemic Accelerating Decline Of Paper Currency
7/8/2020 - Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro Tests Positive For Covid-19
7/8/2020 - Man Can’t Shake Feeling That Someone Other Than Government, Employer, Advertisers Watching Him
7/8/2020 - How To Extend The Lifespan Of Your Tech Devices
7/8/2020 - Corrupt Policeman Worried About Working With Partner Who Has Never Once Taken Bribe
7/8/2020 - Rochester Police Instinctively Place Unregistered Handgun Next To Fallen Frederick Douglass Statue
7/8/2020 - Record 7% Of Birthday Cake Slice Makes It Into Grandmother’s Mouth
7/8/2020 - Man Somehow Able To Muster Strength To Fold Laundry Without Listening To Podcast
7/8/2020 - ‘I Want You To Love Again One Day,’ Whispers Dying Man Clearly Overestimating Amount Of Grief Wife Will Experience
7/8/2020 - City Terrorized But Unimpressed By Serial Killer Who Just Shoots Victims
7/8/2020 - Patrick Mahomes Signs 10-Year, $400 Million Extension With Chiefs
7/7/2020 - Freshman Who Would Have Fallen Through Dorm Window First Weekend Sad To Miss Out On College Experience
7/7/2020 - Tell-All Book By Donald Trump’s Niece To Be Released Early
7/7/2020 - Effects Of The Nationwide Protests Against Police Brutality
7/7/2020 - Bus Stop Ad Just Offering $500 For Fresh Humans
7/7/2020 - Fox Criticized For Cropping Epstein Party Photo To Remove Killer Buffet Spread
7/7/2020 - Dumbass Dog Wearing Face Mask All Wrong
7/7/2020 - Fly Thinks Back Fondly On Time It Got To Perch On Popsicle Stick For Few Seconds
7/7/2020 - Consulting Firm Recommends Keeping Consulting Firm On For 6 More Months
7/7/2020 - How To Parallel Park Perfectly
7/7/2020 - Lime Unveils Pilot Program For Inexplicable New E-Cubes
7/7/2020 - Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2020
7/7/2020 - Prehistoric Monument Discovered Near Stonehenge
7/6/2020 - Kanye West Announces Plan To Run For President
7/6/2020 - Trump Slaughters Dozens Of American Troops In Hopes Of Cashing In On Russian Bounties
7/6/2020 - Researchers Warn Coronavirus May Use Propeller Hat To Stay Airborne
7/6/2020 - FBI Agent Desperately Trying To Remember Why They Have File On Eugene Levy Again
7/6/2020 - Nation Sets Off Fireworks To Commemorate Surviving Another Day
7/6/2020 - Uber Acquires Postmates For $2.7 Billion Plus $3 Billion Service Fee
7/6/2020 - Get Excited, Gamers! Activision Shot Down A French Plane Over Icelandic Waters To Start A New War To Set ‘Call Of Duty’ Games In
7/6/2020 - Vacuous Fool Using ‘Wicker’ And ‘Rattan’ Interchangeably
7/6/2020 - Yeah, Yeah, Nation Gets It, We Rapidly Approaching End Of Critical Window To Avert Climate Collapse Or Whatever
7/6/2020 - Victoria’s Secret Shutters Operations After Concluding Women Were Never Hot Enough To Wear Their Underwear In First Place
7/6/2020 - Mom Wants To Know What Kind Of iPhone She Has
7/6/2020 - The Week In Pictures – Week Of July 6, 2020
7/4/2020 - The Onion’s Independence Day Fireworks Spectacular
7/4/2020 - Man Doing Whippet While Setting Off M-80 In Woods Behind Hardee’s Takes Moment To Reflect On How Promise Of Freedom Yet Unfulfilled
7/4/2020 - Police Department Celebrates Fourth Of July By Using Fireworks For Crowd Control
7/3/2020 - Sleep: Myth Vs. Fact
7/3/2020 - Does Anyone Want To Play A Few Rounds Of Command & Conquer: Red Alert Against Us?
7/3/2020 - ‘Yeah, We Could Invite Friends Over And Call It A Supper Club!’ Says Couple Unknowingly Brainstorming End Of Own Relationship
7/3/2020 - Lit-Up Empire State Building Covered In Thick Layer Of Moths
7/3/2020 - REDACTED: We Tried To Publish A Bunch Of State Secrets And It Didn’t Work Out At All
7/2/2020 - Dad Speaks For First Time In 7 Years To Ask If Anyone Has Seen Tape Measure
7/2/2020 - Google Alert For Old Classmate Pays Off Big Time With Story Of Double Homicide
7/2/2020 - Study Finds It Would Be Extremely Satisfying To Have Intercourse With An A-List Celebrity
7/2/2020 - So-Called Vegetarian Always Kills, Devours Chicken Whole Whenever She’s Drunk
7/1/2020 - Come On: Someone Just Spray-Painted ‘Gamers Rule’ On The Taj Mahal And, While We Generally Agree, It’s Pretty Messed Up To Deface A Cultural Landmark
7/1/2020 - Friends Camping Out In Woods Just Happy To Escape The Daily Grind Of Federal Prison
7/1/2020 - Teenage Boy Fears Girlfriend Will Pressure Him Into Showering Before He Ready
7/1/2020 - Masturbating Female Spider Instinctively Eats Self Afterwards