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2021 October
10/29/2021 - Popular Halloween Treats People Used To Give Out Before Candy
10/29/2021 - Rare ‘Penis Plant’ Blooms For First Time In 25 Years
10/29/2021 - White House Urges Kamala Harris To Sit At Computer All Day In Case Emails Come Through
10/29/2021 - Zuckerberg Avatar Enthusiastically Greets Staff In VR Office As Catatonic Body Lies In Hospital Bed
10/29/2021 - Man Wouldn’t Have Worn Costume To Work If He’d Known He Was Getting Laid Off
10/29/2021 - Amazon User’s Credibility Unassailable After Declaring They Don’t Normally Write Reviews
10/29/2021 - Marlboro Sneaks Back Into Television Advertising With ‘Isn’t It Time We Started Smoking Again?’ Campaign
10/29/2021 - What To Know About The Kyle Rittenhouse Trial
10/29/2021 - Bausch & Lomb Introduces New Ribbed Contacts For Extra Pleasure
10/29/2021 - Box Office Fop
10/29/2021 - Mom Getting Pretty Good At Planning Funerals
10/29/2021 - Jared Fogle Allowed Conjugal Visit With Footlong Chicken Bacon Ranch Melt
10/29/2021 - Congress Addresses Child Care Crisis By Loosening Restrictions On Locking Children In Car For 8 Hours
10/29/2021 - Counterfeit Coupon Ring Cost Retailers $31 Million
10/28/2021 - Most Popular Halloween Costumes Of 2021
10/28/2021 - Paid Leave Struck Down By People Who Do Combined 4 Hours Of Work Annually
10/28/2021 - Men Killed By Kyle Rittenhouse Can Be Called ‘Looters,’ Not ‘Victims,’ Judge Rules
10/28/2021 - What To Know When Starting Out With ‘Age Of Empires IV’
10/28/2021 - Andrew Yang Developing New Fourth Party After Failing To Gain Support With Third Party
10/28/2021 - Texas School Censors All Of ‘Huck Finn’ Except The N-Words
10/28/2021 - SpaceX Under Fire After Autonomous Rocket Hits Pedestrian
10/28/2021 - Billionaire Buying Sandwich Unfairly Targeted With 5% Sales Tax
10/28/2021 - Craziest Origins Behind Your Favorite Halloween Traditions
10/28/2021 - William Shatner Dishes About Being The First Man In Space
10/28/2021 - Lost Hiker Ignored Rescue Calls Because Of Unknown Number
10/27/2021 - Facebook Prioritized ‘Angry’ Emoji Reactions Over ‘Likes’ On News Feeds
10/27/2021 - Roger Goodell Warns Deshaun Watson Accusers They Have Until Stroke Of Midnight Before Magic Of Credible Allegations Disappears Forever
10/27/2021 - Judge Mandates Prosecutors Only Refer To Kyle Rittenhouse As ‘Hero’
10/27/2021 - We Ask Dr. Fauci About What He's Planning For The Next Pandemic
10/27/2021 - Most Underrated NFL Players Of All Time
10/27/2021 - NRA Accuses ‘Rust’ Producers Of Endangering Crew By Not Giving Everyone Guns
10/27/2021 - Guests At Housewarming Party Conduct Full Financial Audit After Seeing Friend’s Apartment Fucking Huge
10/27/2021 - Evil Thoughts Every Parent Has Had At Some Point
10/27/2021 - Email Turns 50
10/27/2021 - FDA Recalls Millions Of Chili Peppers, Citing Fact That If You Chop Them And Touch Your Junk, Your Junk Will Burn
10/27/2021 - Senior Citizen Power Walking On Track Could Give A Fuck It’s Football Practice
10/27/2021 - Study: Average U.S. Third-Grader Reading At Level Of Crow
10/27/2021 - Kellogg’s Facing $5 Million Lawsuit For Not Having Enough Strawberries In Pop-Tarts
10/26/2021 - 5 Things To Know About ‘Last Night In Soho’
10/26/2021 - Astros Hope Victory Will Inspire Kids To Break Rules Without Punishment
10/26/2021 - Man Spent $57,000 Of Covid Business Relief On Pokémon Card
10/26/2021 - City Of Denver Shuts Down Bar For Operating Without A Brewery
10/26/2021 - Supply Chain Backups Forcing Many Americans To Rethink Shipping Themselves Home For Holidays
10/26/2021 - Trick-Or-Treating Dangers Every Parent Should Watch Out For
10/26/2021 - Exxon Staff Wins Company-Wide Pizza Party After Greenhouse Gas Levels Hit New High
10/26/2021 - Man Honestly Better Off For Having Turned Self Over To Algorithms
10/26/2021 - Vikings Lived in America By At Least 1021
10/26/2021 - Mom Puts On Glasses To Read Tattoo
10/26/2021 - NFL Scientists Study Effects Of CTE By Dissecting Brain Of Pro Football
10/25/2021 - Lazy Family Has Kept Daughter’s Room Exactly The Same As It Was Before She Died
10/25/2021 - Manchin Says He Offered To Change Political Parties
10/25/2021 - Buffet Tongs Now Completely Submerged In Barbecue Sauce
10/25/2021 - Construction Finally Complete On Canal Connecting Chemical Runoff With Mississippi River
10/25/2021 - Family Spoils Grandma With 5-Minute Video Chat
10/25/2021 - Kids’ Halloween Movies That Are Actually Terrifying
10/25/2021 - Rest Of Band Wishes Chris Martin Liked Dakota Johnson Enough To Break Up Coldplay
10/25/2021 - Pig Kidney Successfully Transplanted Into Human For First Time
10/25/2021 - Study Finds Cheap, Generic Antidepressant Reduces Covid-19 Hospitalizations
10/22/2021 - Millions Of Animals Migrating To North America Over Land Bridge Of Stalled Cargo Ships
10/22/2021 - House Votes To Hold Bannon In Contempt Of Congress
10/22/2021 - Paparazzi Spot Timothée Chalamet Lounging On Mediterranean Yacht With Mystery 1,200-Foot Sandworm
10/22/2021 - Study: Majority Of Panic Attacks Involve Anxiety Person Knows Well
10/22/2021 - Hint Of Sadness Detected Behind Jack-O’-Lantern’s Grin
10/22/2021 - Everyday Benefits Of Ingesting Hallucinogens
10/22/2021 - Thrift Store’s Bookshelf Has Some Pretty Solid PS2 Games
10/22/2021 - Crypto-Averse Man Would Prefer Investing In Traditional Stock Market He Also Doesn’t Understand
10/22/2021 - Details Of Biden’s Child Vaccination Plan
10/22/2021 - Fisher-Price Releasing Working Version Of Chatter Phone Pull Toy For Adults
10/21/2021 - Facebook Planning To Rebrand With New Name
10/21/2021 - Retired NFL Player Touts Sports Betting App As Exact Way He Went Bankrupt
10/21/2021 - Leading Fashion Icons Convene To Determine Whether Man Can Pull Off Denim Jacket
10/21/2021 - Composer Surrounded By Discarded Sheet Music Suddenly Perks Up At Sound Of Rhythm Of The City
10/21/2021 - Democrats Reach Deal To Introduce Landmark Fundraising Email
10/21/2021 - What Your Partner Is Actually Thinking During Sex
10/21/2021 - Diver Finds 900-Year-Old Crusader Sword Off Coast Of Israel
10/21/2021 - Woman Starting Netflix Movie Horrified To Realize It TV Show
10/21/2021 - Move Over, Grapes: 10 Other Things You Can Stomp On To Make Something Happen
10/20/2021 - Biden Scales Down $2 Trillion Climate Plan To Single Reusable Grocery Bag
10/20/2021 - iPod Turns 20
10/20/2021 - Kanye West Officially Changes Name To ‘Ye’
10/20/2021 - Kourtney Kardashian, Travis Barker Re-Announce Engagement In Slightly Louder Voice
10/20/2021 - Experts Warn Everything That Will Happen Between Now And November 2022 Could Spell Trouble For Democrats In Midterms
10/20/2021 - Patriot Act Turns 20
10/20/2021 - FC Barcelona Players Wear Throwback Cubist Uniforms
10/20/2021 - ‘New York Times’ Releases Jerry Jones’ Hateful Telegrams Slamming Ottoman Empire
10/20/2021 - Short Story Collection Features Blurbs From Everyone Who Will Ever Read It
10/20/2021 - Signs Your Boss Is Definitely Underpaying You
10/20/2021 - New York City Reinstates Full Lockdown After Disturbing Reports That Knicks May Resume Play
10/20/2021 - Family Stands In Tense Silence As Dad Considers Menu Posted Outside Bistro
10/20/2021 - Official Wizard Of New Zealand Fired After 2 Decades
10/19/2021 - Florida School Revises Covid Guidelines To Reflect Latest Misinformation
10/19/2021 - Waymo Self-Driving Cars Mysteriously Flocking To Dead-End Street In San Francisco
10/19/2021 - Perfectly Preserved Fourth Watt Brother Discovered Frozen In Wisconsin Beer Cooler
10/19/2021 - BREAKING: Concern Mounting Over Nothing In Particular
10/19/2021 - Apple Reveals New MacBook Pro Will Be Refurbished Dell Laptop They Got Off Craigslist For $500
10/19/2021 - Are You Depressed? Read These Common Symptoms To Find Out
10/19/2021 - Study Finds Big Bang Result Of Last Universe Blowing Itself Up With Fireworks
10/19/2021 - 3 Men Posing As Female Author Win Million-Euro Literary Prize
10/18/2021 - Bush, Cheney Become Last Surviving Members Of Tontine Pledge For Cask Of Brandy
10/18/2021 - Pray For Us: We Just Learned The Captain On This Flight Has Never Played ‘Pilot Wings 64’ And Are Going To Storm The Cockpit
10/18/2021 - Colin Powell, Presumably Wanted Fugitive Whose Location Must Have Been Unknown For Last 15 Years, Dead At 84
10/18/2021 - Texas School Official Tells Teachers To Balance Holocaust Books With ‘Opposing’ Views
10/18/2021 - Democrats Attempt To Woo Joe Manchin For Reconciliation Bill By Taping Single Hershey’s Kiss To Latest Draft
10/18/2021 - Chicago Sky Celebrate First-Ever Mention In Sports Section
10/18/2021 - Things Gen Z Hates About Millennials
10/18/2021 - FDA Advisory Committee Meets To Discuss Hearty Autumn Soup Recipes
10/18/2021 - Procter & Gamble Halftime Contest Awards Full Tuition To Any Student Who Can Eat Entire Line Of Company’s Products
10/18/2021 - Less Popular Friend Only Included In Suicide Pact Out Of Pity
10/18/2021 - Nebraska Governor Announces Program To Help Lift Children Out Of Violent Cycle Of Corn Cults
10/15/2021 - FDA Authorizes First E-Cigarettes To Stay On U.S. Market
10/15/2021 - Half-Shredded Banksy Painting Sells For $25.4 Million
10/15/2021 - The Onion’s Guide To Socially Responsible Investing
10/15/2021 - Bannon Defies Subpoena On Grounds He Digesting Wild Boar Whole Over Next 6 Months
10/15/2021 - Sleep Easy, Gamers: The Original Team Of Developers Behind ‘GoldenEye 007’ All Have Robust Savings Accounts And Can Comfortably Provide For Their Families
10/15/2021 - Most Terrifying Ways The Government Is Spying On You
10/15/2021 - Intergalactic Animal Rights Groups Condemn Use Of Brutal, Unsanitary Planet To Raise Human Meat
10/15/2021 - Similac Introduces New Ghost Pepper Infant Formula
10/15/2021 - Bride Edges Out Bartender To Rank As Fourth Most Beautiful Woman At Wedding
10/15/2021 - Smithsonian Acquires Arms Of Kermit The Frog Puppeteer
10/15/2021 - FDA Issues Guidelines To Reduce Salt In Foods
10/15/2021 - Remington Introduces Ammunition For Sensitive Skin
10/14/2021 - William Shatner, 90, Becomes Oldest Person To Travel To Space
10/14/2021 - Trump Testing 2024 Waters By Inciting Iowans To Burn State Capitol To Ground
10/14/2021 - Things Nobody Tells You About College Debt
10/14/2021 - 5 Things To Know About ‘Succession’
10/14/2021 - Fat And Stupid: Meet The Man Refusing To Challenge America's Stereotypes
10/14/2021 - NASA Lights Astronauts On Fire In Order To Simulate Life On Venus
10/14/2021 - Submarine Secrets A U.S. Navy Engineer Tried To Sell
10/14/2021 - Nearly 3% Of U.S. Workforce Quit Their Jobs In August
10/13/2021 - Adam Schefter Waiting On Final Edits From NFL Before Issuing Apology
10/13/2021 - Megan Fox Worried Machine Gun Kelly Only With Her To Meet Transformers
10/13/2021 - Raiders Coach Resigns After Racist, Homophobic, And Misogynistic Comments
10/13/2021 - ISIS Recalls Starting In Bombed-Out Garage
10/13/2021 - White House Warns Supply Chain Shortages Could Lead Americans To Discover True Meaning Of Christmas
10/13/2021 - Touching Tribute: This Video Game Is Dedicated To Some Person Named Emily
10/13/2021 - 2021 Nobel Prize Winners
10/13/2021 - Worst Things You Can Say To Your Child's Teacher
10/13/2021 - Southwest Still Experiencing Delays After Not Enough People Believe In Power Of Flight To Get Plane To Take Off
10/13/2021 - Nets Front Office Wishes Kyrie Irving Would Stop Acting Like Kyrie Irving
10/13/2021 - U.S. Couple Arrested For Selling Nuclear Submarine Secrets
10/13/2021 - Post-Pandemic Cinema-Goers’ Eyes, Ears Rupture As Senses Overwhelmed By Theater Experience
10/12/2021 - Unhappy Nation Wonders If It Just Projecting 45% Approval Rating Of Itself Onto President
10/12/2021 - Bisexual Superman Ruins Comic For Fan Who Preferred Smoldering Homoerotic Undertones
10/12/2021 - Southwest Airlines Cancels More Than 2,000 Flights Over Weekend
10/12/2021 - Unclear What Strings Entrée Pulled To Nab Full-Page Picture On Menu
10/12/2021 - Weather Channel Headquarters Displays Barometers For World’s Major Cities
10/12/2021 - Taken Leaf Of Her Senses
10/12/2021 - Billionaires Explain Why Space Is The Next Frontier
10/12/2021 - Atlanta In Chaos After City Changes Names Of All Streets To ‘Maple Drive’ To Distance Itself From Confederate Past
10/12/2021 - Mueller Suddenly Pieces Together Solution To Russia Collusion Case While Watering Plants
10/12/2021 - Google Maps Launches Eco-Friendly Routing
10/12/2021 - Paramount Reveals ‘Top Gun: Maverick’ Features Tom Cruise Actually Bombing A Yemeni Village
10/11/2021 - Southwest Blames Cancellations On Weather Being Too Beautiful To Spend Whole Day Cooped Up On Plane
10/11/2021 - Yellowstone Bouncer Escorts High Roller To VIP Area To Meet And Mingle With Grizzly Bears
10/11/2021 - Sister-In-Law Sources Reveal ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Still Running
10/11/2021 - ‘The Onion’ Accidentally Sent Our Sex Columnist To Interview The Pope
10/11/2021 - 2 Journalists Win Nobel Peace Prize
10/11/2021 - Woman In Giddy Honeymoon Stage Of Hating Someone New
10/11/2021 - 2,700-Year-Old Toilet Unearthed In Jerusalem
10/11/2021 - The Craziest Video Game Quotes We've Heard Recently
10/11/2021 - Price Tag Sticker Hastily Scratched Off Ball Gag
10/8/2021 - Idaho Lieutenant Governor Bans Vaccine Mandates While Governor Out Of State
10/8/2021 - 5 Things To Know About ‘No Time To Die’
10/8/2021 - Airport Security Detonate Unattended Plane Left On Tarmac
10/8/2021 - Unadorned Chevy Silverado Driven By Town Comptroller Somehow Makes Cut as Parade Float
10/8/2021 - Things That Always Surprise Foreigners About American Health Care
10/8/2021 - Fox News Turns 25
10/8/2021 - American Support For Indigenous Peoples' Day Significantly Increases After Learning It Still 3-Day Weekend
10/8/2021 - World Health Organization Approves First Malaria Vaccine
10/8/2021 - No-Kill Shelter Can’t Promise There Won’t Be, Shall We Say, Unfortunate Accidents
10/7/2021 - Man Who Posted ‘We Can All Get Through This Together’ Kicked Off Social Media For Spreading Covid-19 Hoax
10/7/2021 - ‘Can You Help The Scab Get Into The Cereal Factory?’ Read Instructions On Back Of Kellogg’s Box
10/7/2021 - Workers At Kellogg’s U.S. Cereal Factories Go On Strike
10/7/2021 - Critics Hopeful That Success Of ‘Squid Game’ Will Mean More Opportunities For Things You Can Watch For Entertainment
10/7/2021 - Investigators Identify Infamous ‘Ted Bundy’ Serial Killer
10/7/2021 - Overcoming Grief Using Ordinary Household Items
10/7/2021 - Surgeon Kind Of Pissed Patient Seeing Her Deformed Face For First Time Just Smashed His Hand Mirror Like That
10/7/2021 - Senators Explain The Importance Of Political Compromise
10/7/2021 - News Chopper Hovers Above School Just To Be In Position For Next Shooting
10/7/2021 - Creepy Old Man Has Book Filled With The Home Phone Numbers Of Everyone In Town
10/7/2021 - Tips for Starting Out In ‘Far Cry 6’
10/7/2021 - Russians Beat Tom Cruise To Be First To Shoot Feature Film In Space
10/6/2021 - French Populace Disgusted Catholic Church Preyed On Children In Way Only Acceptable For Teachers, Artists, Filmmakers
10/6/2021 - Mariners Promise Fans They’ll Be Back To Finish 2022 Playoff Race In Even More Heartbreaking Fashion
10/6/2021 - ‘Uh-Oh,’ Says Slack-Jawed Rescue Worker Watching California Wildfire, Oil Spill Draw Ever Closer To Each Other
10/6/2021 - Facebook Suffers Worst Outage Since 2008
10/6/2021 - Nation’s Aging Couples Announce They More Friends Than Lovers By This Point
10/6/2021 - Watchdog Group Enjoys Rare Night Out After Getting Sitter To Look After Telecom Industry
10/6/2021 - What To Know About The Pandora Papers
10/6/2021 - Signs You Are About To Get Fired
10/6/2021 - Kids’ Movie Has A Couple Moments That Condescend To Adults Too
10/6/2021 - Man Browsing Snack Aisle Lovingly Gazes At Future Killer
10/6/2021 - Woman Finds 4.38 Carat Diamond In Arkansas State Park
10/5/2021 - David Lee Roth Announces Retirement
10/5/2021 - Urban Meyer Still Adjusting To Speed Of NFL Cover-Ups
10/5/2021 - Harry Styles Reveals ‘Dunkirk’ About Female Orgasm
10/5/2021 - Mark Zuckerberg Vows Employees Responsible For Facebook Outage Will Be Bullied To Suicide
10/5/2021 - Frustrated God Rejected From Mensa Again
10/5/2021 - What The Fuck Is Going On? Epic Games Has Apparently Added Stretch Limousines, Panini Presses, And Komodo Dragons Since The Last Time You Played ‘Fortnite,’ Which Was Only, Like, 2 Weeks Ago
10/5/2021 - Not So Novel
10/5/2021 - Questions To Ask Yourself Before Starting An Open Relationship
10/5/2021 - Homeowners’ Association Serves Notice To House With Too Few Plastic Skeletons Dangling From Roof
10/5/2021 - Imran Khan Explains Money Saved In Offshore Tax Haven Was To Buy Pakistani People A Big Present
10/5/2021 - William Shatner Overjoyed To Take Blue Origin Flight After Learning Space Actually Real
10/5/2021 - Roger Goodell Increasingly Worried NFL Players At Risk Of Gaining Sentience
10/5/2021 - Eminem Opens ‘Mom’s Spaghetti’ Restaurant In Detroit
10/5/2021 - Only Shitty Colors Left In Construction Paper Pack
10/5/2021 - Frozen Pizza Boxes Ostentatiously Displayed By Spine Color
10/4/2021 - Patriotic Billionaire Only Invests In American-Made Tax Havens
10/4/2021 - Alex Jones Found Liable Over Sandy Hook Hoax Conspiracy
10/4/2021 - Critics Demand Terrible TV Show Squander Talents Of More Diverse Cast
10/4/2021 - Bandaged Scientists Wheeled In From Burn Unit To Accept Nobel Prize For Heat And Sensory Research
10/4/2021 - 40-Year-Old Not Active Enough To Realize Body Falling Apart
10/4/2021 - Things You Should Never Do On Your Work Computer
10/4/2021 - Heated Argument Briefly Interrupted To Board Haunted Hayride
10/4/2021 - YouTube Bans Anti-Vaccine Misinformation
10/3/2021 - Texas State Troopers Arrest Dak Prescott For Terminating Conceived Playcall With Audible
10/1/2021 - Judge Suspends Britney Spears’ Father From Conservatorship
10/1/2021 - Ways To Apologize Without Saying Sorry
10/1/2021 - Man Up-Sold By Dentist Leaves With 300 Extra Teeth
10/1/2021 - Gamers, Is That You? Come Closer…Closer, Gamers, We Are Weak…There’s Something We Need To Tell You…Video Games Are…Really...Great
10/1/2021 - Economic Report Finds Majority Of Americans Could Afford To Toss Couple Bucks Our Way To Keep Us From Going Under
10/1/2021 - Biologist Chases Invasive Moth Species Through Crowded Chinatown Marketplace
10/1/2021 - Teenage Actress Going Through Awkward Phase Between Cute And Sexualized
10/1/2021 - Disney World Turns 50
10/1/2021 - Breaking: All Of World’s Problems Solved Overnight While You Were Sleeping
10/1/2021 - U.S. Declares 23 Species Extinct, Including Ivory-Billed Woodpecker