WASHINGTON—Saying he could probably just sit at the back and dose off without anyone bothering him, slacker congressman Scott Chrysler told reporters Wednesday he was praying to get a bullshit assignment this term, like the House Select Committee on the Climate Crisis. “Are you kidding me? Climate Crisis? That’s a total blow-off assignment for sure,” said Chrysler, adding that while the climate committee was his first choice, he ultimately would be happy with any low-pressure assignment, including Education and Labor or Veterans’ Affairs. “On Climate Crisis, there’s no way you’ll get one of those committee chairs who busts your chops all the time. I won’t have the party whip on my ass, either, because no one in the House leadership will care what goes on in a committee about the environment. Seriously, how many people in Congress even understand how climate change works? I certainly don’t. I bet all you have to do is put out a couple half-assed statements about windmills or whatever. Oh, man, if I get on there, I am gonna cruise through this session!” At press time, Chrysler reportedly let out a groan upon learning he had been assigned to the Armed Services Committee.