TAFT, CA—Smiling as he imagined his name being displayed on a road sign in large reflective letters, local small town teen Zack Kent announced Monday that he had big dreams of someday becoming a memorial highway. “I know it sounds crazy, but I really think I have what it takes to make it to that level,” said Kent, a gleam in his eye visible as he surveyed the stretch of state route 119 that he hoped would someday bear his name. “I can see it now: the Zack T. Kent Memorial Highway. Really has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? Everyone will look up from behind their steering wheels and see that I made something of myself. Don’t get me wrong, I know it will take a lot of hard work, but I’m very dedicated. Just last Friday I took the snow tires off my car, and I’ve been drinking more and more behind the wheel. I’ve earned this.” At press time, Kent was reportedly devastated after a 10-year-old casualty received all of the attention from his hard-earned drunk driving accident.