Testing four voice-activated phone assistants—Siri, Cortana, Google Now, and S Voice—researchers found that most phones failed to recognize phrases like “I was raped” or “I’m having a heart attack” and supply the proper emergency hotlines. What do you think?

“My Android has always come in handy when I need to bite down on something during a seizure.”

Jasper Clowley • Cheese Curder

“These fair-weather phones only want to be there for the fun stuff like finding good surf and turf in Seattle.”

Gina Trebin • List Bulleter

“Why would anyone take their chances with an unhelpful smartphone when they could turn to skeptical campus administrators?”

Ryan Wibbler • Unemployed