SAN FRANCISCO—Having generated considerable buzz among Silicon Valley insiders since its founding last year, new social media company LiveFire is said to be actively seeking a smug, egotistical little shithead to assume a leadership position within the business and help guide the company as it expands, investor Jason Bilodeau confirmed Monday. “LiveFire has the capability to revolutionize the way people and businesses connect, and all we need to move to that next level and become a household name is to hire a fresh-faced, entitled little puke who you just wish were dead as our CEO,” said Bilodeau, stating that the ideal piece-of-shit candidate would be infuriatingly young yet still view the world with a fucking insufferable air of superiority. “Ideally, we’re looking for a real prickish fuckwad who just recently graduated college, or maybe one of those obnoxious little jagoffs who never completed his degree at all. Once we find a narcissistic dickhole like that, then the sky’s the limit for LiveFire.” At press time, Bilodeau had narrowed down his list to 15 nauseatingly intolerable little ass-munchers who all deserved a hard punch to the back of the head.

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