MONTGOMERY, AL—Expressing their confusion about the exact thought process behind the designation, the Southern Poverty Law Center admitted Tuesday that they had no idea how the Dannon Yogurt company had gotten onto their annual list of hate groups. “We pride ourselves on maintaining an accurate list of organizations perpetrating hate across America, but frankly I’m just completely blanking on why we thought the yogurt company Dannon deserved a spot between the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan and the Westboro Baptist Church,” said SPLC president Richard Cohen, stressing that he had no recollection of the decisions that led to the nonprofit listing points such as “Offensive Fruit Placement” and “Greek Yogurt Bias” under Dannon’s ranking. “Sure, their products aren’t necessarily as good as Chobani, but that isn’t really grounds for labeling them a hate group. Maybe some would classify Danimals as offensive mascots? That’s probably a stretch, I know. I’m sorry. I just don’t know why we did this.” At press time, the SPLC had come under additional fire after putting the Aryan Brotherhood of Texas at the top of their annual list of yogurt rankings.
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