SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:


STEP 1

Invent remaining 2,348 technologies needed to make trip possible


STEP 2

$10 billion appears


STEP 3

Cost of spaceship reduced by going with cheap Venetian plaster instead of more expensive marble

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STEP 4

Before departing, voyagers visit doctor to receive all the CDC–recommended vaccines for trip to another celestial body

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STEP 5

Tell poor people we’ll come back for them


STEP 6

Humanity runs away from all of its problems at 5,375 mph


STEP 7

Spaceship gets passed on left by reckless asteroid


STEP 8

Those not murdered by fellow passengers land safely on Mars three months later


STEP 9

Set up utilities and Wi-Fi


STEP 10

Apply for construction permits within notoriously byzantine bureaucracy of the Intergalactic Department of Buildings

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STEP 11

Group photo


STEP 12

Build entire civilization from scratch


STEP 13

Future Mars population considers colonizing barren wasteland of Earth in last-ditch effort to save species

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