Readers, get ready for some gaming insight, because the Square Enix writers behind the hit Kingdom Hearts series just gave us an exclusive interview about why they’ll never include the coward, Marlin the clownfish, in their game.
“It’s always been our goal to integrate Disney and Pixar characters into the series in ways that are not only unexpected, but also fun for players, which is why we’re never bringing that piece-of-shit fish into our universe,” series writer Akemi Tanaka told OGN, confirming that the “chicken-shit sissy who almost ruins his poor son’s life,” voiced by Albert Brooks in the hit film Finding Nemo, would never get the chance to so much as meet Sora and his friends. “Our insistence on this point has caused some tension with Disney brass, especially after Finding Dory came out. But what the fuck are they going to do? This is our choice, and I’d rather die than see that sniveling asshole interacting with Sora, Goofy, and the rest of the gang.”
According to Square Enix, the studio did have some preliminary conversations with Disney CEO Bob Iger around including the “limp-dicked candy ass clownfish” in Kingdom Hearts III, specifically suggesting that they could put the fish’s decapitated head on a spike or include him in the Realm of Darkness being tortured by the heartless for being such a “little bitch baby” that he couldn’t take his own son to school.
“Ultimately, we decided that even referencing the simpering waste-of-space in any way would be too dispiriting for writers and designers to work on,” Tanaka continued. “Disney wasn’t happy, but we threatened to all walk out, so they didn’t have much choice.”
“Fuck that fucking fish,” added Tanaka. “Sorry, I’m getting angry just thinking about him.”
Wow! Keep checking out OGN for more of this sort of exclusive behind-the-scenes gaming insight.