Crowdfunding has become a popular way to raise money from friends, family, and strangers for everything from artistic projects to medical expenses. The Onion presents a step-by-step guide to running a successful crowdfunding campaign:
STEP 1: Make sure your idea doesn’t exist yet, like a specific type of board game or properly functioning healthcare system.
STEP 2: Take time to craft a well-thought-out and expertly articulated justification as to why you deserve a liver transplant even though you don’t have enough money.
STEP 3: Don’t ask anyone who is an expert in the field about the viability of your project. They’re just jealous.
STEP 4: Set a funding goal that you can realistically fall short of.
STEP 5: Remind potential donors how much a cup of coffee costs.
STEP 6: After someone has donated, sending a personal thank-you message is a great opportunity to ask for more money.
STEP 7: Start to panic when you realize you might actually have to follow through on your project.
STEP 8: Communication with your backers is key, so take time each week to email a new lie about your progress.
STEP 9: Adjust your project’s goals by redirecting donations from medical expenses to funeral costs.
STEP 10: You’ll know you’ve done everything you can to promote your campaign once you’ve alienated everyone you’ve ever met.