
CAMBRIDGE, UNITED KINGDOM—Suggesting that the revelatory new work would “completely shake things up” and “get everyone talking,” Cambridge University sources close to Stephen Hawking reported Thursday that the world-renowned theoretical physicist and cosmologist was working on a new juicy tell-all formula. “Be prepared to be wowed, because at long last, Stephen is ready to reveal every last detail,” said publicist Anne Lemont, who added that Hawking’s eye-popping and wide-ranging new mathematical model would spare nothing and would be written “in a way only Stephen Hawking can.” “Everyone’s deepest, most burning questions—including many questions people didn’t even think to ask—will be answered in this absolutely jaw-dropping new equation. It’s going to blow the lid off of everything, and I mean everything.” Lemont went on to state that, in advance of publishing the entire formula, the physicist would be releasing a single line of the equation hinting at a hidden unification of the strong and weak nuclear forces that he promises “will blow everyone’s fucking minds.”