Students Explain How College Has Censored Them

“I have tons of opinions about race that people will only let me say for like 20 minutes each class.”

“When I shared an uninformed opinion in class, this old guy at the front of the room said a bunch of facts and stuff that proved it wrong.”

“Once I was attending an outdoor club meeting and a large eagle swooped down and grasped me with its talons. I kept screaming for help, but other students asked me to stop centering myself, which I guess was fair. Being dropped into the eagle’s nest and fed to her chicks wasn’t so bad.”

“My statistics professor gave me an F because apparently you don’t have the right to express whatever numbers you want.”

“I was all but kicked out of my school for saying I thought a woman should have control over her own reproductive system.”

“When I was pledging Delta Chi, my big brother told me I wasn’t allowed to say any words with the letter ‘E’ for a week.”

“For the most part, people are really respectful, but every morning Tucker Carlson comes through with a megaphone and yells at us about how oppressed we are.”

“​I constantly have to self-censor, because I’m just terrified someone’s going to say the opposite thing.”

“When I was a freshman, you could ask the professor for a big glass of milk, chug the whole thing, and go, ‘Ahhhh!’ Now you can’t make a single noise even if it’s refreshing.”

“I couldn’t attend unless I was to stop admitting I am Black.”

“I don’t feel comfortable derailing my astronomy lecture with a diatribe about how eugenics is sorely misunderstood.”

“Harvard has blatantly and unapologetically censored all of my ideas by declining to grant me admission.”

“At this woke school, it’s like there’s nothing I can spray paint on the door of the Africana Studies Institute without everyone getting mad at me.”

“[Redacted].”

“I don’t understand why they won’t let you burn a cross on a quad when the land isn’t being used to play Frisbee.”

“The administration really clamps down on student-newspaper exposé​s​ when you use real faculty names for made-up pedophilia rings.”

“I haven’t been invited to a single party since being prosecuted for violent crime.”

“They had me sign a bunch of NDAs about the $100,000 check they gave me to play football here.”

“I had a lot of outside-the-box thinking that I guess was too radical for my structural engineering professor. He felt like bridges needed to not collapse.”

“The dean is trying to kick me out for setting the computer science building on fire, even though that was clearly a political statement opposing the war in Ukraine.”

“I answered every question in my Philosophy 101 class before my instructor told me I should give the other students a chance to talk. She didn’t say I couldn’t talk too, but the intent was obvious.”

“The administration refuses to add the New York Times op-ed piece I wrote about campus censorship to the curriculum.”

“I was only allowed to wear blackface on campus once a year.”