LOS ANGELES—In a last-ditch effort to turn a profit on the lackluster feature, Paramount Pictures managed to salvage a terrible film’s box-office numbers by promoting it as the movie liberals don’t want you to see, sources within the studio confirmed Wednesday. “We thought slapping the title Sweet Land Of Liberty on the project would be enough to make up for the flimsy plot, muddled character motivations, and stilted dialogue, but after a rough opening weekend, we realized we needed to do more,” studio marketing executive Bret Carter said of a social media strategy he oversaw that included extensive outreach to conservative influencers, who were told that woke liberal critics were panning the film because they were trying to hide its powerful message of truth from the American people. “We got some cast members onto a few podcasts where they were able to talk about how the film dared to say things people are afraid to say these days, insinuating that cancel culture and ‘the PC police’ were trying to stop people from watching it. And the next weekend the theaters were full.” Carter added that if the film wasn’t in the black by the end of the week, the studio would run ads telling viewers it was the only movie currently in theaters that wasn’t paid for by Jews.
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