PRINCETON, NJ—A groundbreaking study released this week by Princeton University discovered that one’s facial hair is under constant, silent scrutiny by friends, acquaintances, and potential lovers. “We found that 65 percent of the time, people will completely write off another individual if their facial hair isn’t well kempt,” said lead researcher Henry Miles, adding that facial-hair scrutiny is 40 percent higher at social functions, such as parties, weddings, and family gatherings. “Moreover, our data indicates that, 75 percent of the time, when one individual looks at another, the first thought that goes through his or her head is, ‘Does this person know the right level of stubble for his facial structure and overall build?’” The study advised those men wishing to avoid their peers’ harsh judgment to go out and buy 450,000 Philips Norelco Click & Style razors immediately.