CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—In an effort to dispel long-standing misconceptions surrounding aviation safety, researchers at the University of Virginia released a comprehensive new study Tuesday that determined flying on an airplane is far safer than flying in a car. “While fear of airplanes remains common among the American public, our study concludes you are 99.9% less likely to be in any kind of accident on an airplane than you would be if you were soaring wildly off a half-finished bridge in a souped-up old Mustang,” said transportation safety engineer Timothy Sayers, lead author of the study, which appears to have definitively established that commercial airliners, small private jets, and even those little propeller planes that can land on water are dramatically safer than every kind of airborne motor vehicle. “It’s interesting, because there’s so much paranoia around planes, but people won’t think twice about hopping in a muscle car and speeding off a ramp in an attempt to jump a canyon that no one has successfully made it across before. Statistically speaking, there’s little to worry about on a plane, but flying cars, on the other hand, crash approximately 5 million times each year.” Morton went on to confirm that attempting to fly in a car was one of the leading causes of death in the United States.
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