BOULDER, CO—Suggesting a robust connection between success and ruin, a University of Colorado study released Tuesday found that having it all was a leading indicator that everything will come crashing down. “Our research has determined with a high level of certainty that making it to the top is the most reliable predictor of it all eventually going down in flames,” said lead author Dr. Mary Wilkerson, explaining that test subjects who had their world shattered almost always had all their dreams finally come true just beforehand. “It’s clear from the evidence that very few of those who climb their way to the top with blood, sweat, and tears escape having it all just fall apart. In fact, there was almost a perfect positive correlation between those who had everything slip away and those who once had the world in the palm of their hand.” Wilkerson went on to say that the only way to prevent everything you worked so hard for from crumbling before your very eyes was to have nothing to lose in the first place.

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