TALLAHASSEE, FL—In a development state officials attributed to a record-low percentage of students being born into two-white-parent households, a study released Tuesday found that a majority of Florida schoolchildren were unable to pass even a rudimentary test of racial purity. “It’s no secret that racial purity scores have been declining nationally for decades now, but even so, we were surprised that only 36% of Florida public school students could demonstrate they possessed the pristine and undiluted bloodline of the Aryan race,” a Florida Department of Education spokesperson said of the study, which also found that initiatives to cut bus routes to disadvantaged areas and build a less inclusive curriculum had failed to lower the state’s stubbornly high miscegenation rates. “Increasingly, students are giving answers like Black or Latino or Asian to very basic questions about their ethnic heritage, and sadly, there’s just not much you can do when parents are so apathetic about ensuring that their kids receive a robust, uncontaminated genotype. It’s heartbreaking. You see these amazing racial purity numbers coming out of schools in Idaho and New Hampshire, and meanwhile the median student in Florida is failing to name even a single Caucasian ancestor on their test.” Acknowledging the reality could be even grimmer than the data suggests, Florida officials noted that some school districts had been caught forging the purity scores of light-skinned students who were “an unholy and abominable mix of races” in order to meet the threshold for state funding.