COLLEGE PARK, MD—In a synthesis of data based on years of mental health research, a study published Tuesday by University of Maryland researchers found that the majority of suicides could be prevented by watching videos on how chain-link fences are made. “Analysis has shown that in eight out of 10 cases, those who are on the brink of taking suicidal action can be diverted by watching a mesmerizing video of how a machine automatically twists together metal wires to make a chain-link fence,” said psychologist and study co-author Palavi Vedanta, noting that the video could also depict how rubber tires are given treads, how a steam engine’s pistons work, or any other satisfying manufacturing process and still do the trick. “If you or a loved one is plagued by suicidal ideation, the best thing to do is immediately go onto YouTube and type in ‘videos manufacturing stuff cool’ and hit search. The human brain naturally will dispel the most intense depressive thoughts after 25 minutes of a video on, for example, the milling of pencils. Of course, this isn’t a blanket solution. Some people may need to watch multiple videos of how factories produce different pasta shapes, supplemented by clips of more domestic scenes in which someone cooks and strains the pasta.” Vedanta went on to warn vulnerable individuals not to read the comments on any of these videos as it would cause them to immediately commit suicide.
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