NEW YORK—A major study published Tuesday by the Center for Media Relations revealed that more Americans than ever are turning to their own feverish imaginations for the news. “The majority of Americans just no longer trust mainstream news sources and are instead looking to their own deranged psyches to determine whether the moon is Chinese or gay people are coming to steal their clothes,” said study co-author Terrance Adams, pointing to eroding faith in establishment media organizations like ABC, CBS, and NBC for the rise in Americans looking to whatever insane whim flits across their consciousness to understand if leprechauns are real or if infectious diseases are caused by tiny men inside their blood. “Of course, there are advantages to relying on sources like the deepest, most untethered corners of your mind. For example, it can simply make up a demented answer to a question on any topic on the spot. Legacy media operations really can’t keep up with that pace.” Adams rushed to add that the study didn’t apply to Rupert Murdoch, who could see his own febrile imagination on display daily on Fox News.
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