MEDFORD, MA—With its groundbreaking new research into what causes acute episodes of panic, a study published Thursday in The Journal Of Child Psychology And Psychiatry has established a link between severe anxiety and holding the broken halves of mother’s favorite vase as the doorknob turns. “Our data show that high levels of stress are strongly correlated with the door to the drawing room opening after a subject has shattered an irreplaceable heirloom that she cherishes dearly,” said Anabel Delancy, a Tufts University professor and lead author of the study, which used carefully controlled experiments to show that anxiety levels increase with both the number of degrees the knob has turned and the number of generations the vase has been in the family. “With every approaching footstep, we saw a significant spike in cortisol, the levels reaching their peak as subjects looked frantically between the pile of broken antique Venetian glass and the heavy oaken double door. While anxiety could be reduced in the short-term by successfully concealing all of the shards beneath the rug one’s uncle Adélard brought back from the Orient, it recurred with even greater intensity once the evidence was discovered and a harsh scolding was issued.” Delancy went on to say that the only effective treatment for such anxiety was for the subject to be taken into mother’s arms and reminded that possessions could never compare to the love she had for her darling child.