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Study: Majority Of Frontal Lobe Occupied By Thoughts Of Sausage Links

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SEATTLE—Noting the way the polar and lateral regions “light up” when occupied with breakfast-related cognitive processes, a study published Wednesday by the University of Washington revealed that the majority of activity within the human brain’s frontal lobe revolves around thoughts of sausage links. “Our research indicates that the prefrontal cortex is dominated by impulses and reflexes relating to hickory-smoked, honey-glazed, or traditional breakfast sausage,” said lead researcher Rachel Davis, adding that extensive brain-mapping data suggests the forward region in both hemispheres of the brain is employed largely to conjure mental images of tantalizing platters piled high with savory, steaming pork links. “Furthermore, our study consistently found that dopamine levels rise in direct correlation with the subject’s proximity to various breakfast meats, which in turn triggered a flood of emotions and memories within the frontal lobe that were tied inextricably to the irresistible sizzle of a dozen hot-off-the-griddle sausages, oftentimes drizzled with delectably sweet maple syrup.” Davis went on to note that the frontal lobe’s decision-making centers were tasked mainly with determining whether to pair the links with a generous plate of scrambled eggs or a big, fluffy short stack.

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