NEW YORK—Building upon theories that the café workers possess far more complex thought patterns than previously believed, a study released Monday by New York University’s Department of Anthropology suggests latte art could represent a primitive attempt by baristas to communicate. “By analyzing the baristas’ complex combinations of milk foam and caramel interlacing, we were able to find some significant evidence that the hearts, rosettas, and tulips left in our coffee beverages and tea lattes might very well be simplistic attempts to communicate ideas like ‘happy’ and ‘love,’” said research lead Dr. Samantha Wells, noting that while most baristas are known for their ability to utilize complex tools to produce espresso drinks, the revelation that they may express their feelings and beliefs with a a small range of symbols represented a massive step forward in understanding the mental capabilities of the coffeehouse employees. “My research team also speculated that the swan symbols they’ve left in several matcha lattes might even represent some sort of primitive god. It’s this sort of finding that almost makes one feel bad for bitching out one of these baristas for forgetting to add whipped cream to one’s caffè mocha.” Wells added that, unfortunately, many of the most impressive examples of such barista communication have been destroyed due to human activity and consumption.
More from The Onion