WASHINGTON—Sending a strong message that airborne spores would no longer be tolerated in America's trees, weeds, or grass, members of the itchy and runny-nosed U.S. Congress pledged Tuesday to spend $250 million wiping out pollen for good. "We can no longer sit idly by while the nation's flora releases billions of microscopic granules into the air," announced House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD), who then rubbed his eyes and violently sneezed four times in a row. "We must act preemptively to…[violent hacking noise from back of throat]. Jesus Christ, it's every year with these things!" Insiders expect the measure to face an uphill battle in the Senate, where a rapidly swelling Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) vowed to block any bill that didn't include a provision to also eradicate shellfish.
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