FRAMINGHAM, MA—Hoping to capture the “unique essence” of its discount retail stores for online customers, T.J. Maxx unveiled a new website Wednesday that recreates its in-person shopping experience with a selection of miscellaneous products haphazardly strewn everywhere.
Company CEO Ernie Herrman told reporters that the site—which features a disorganized jumble of closeout name-brand apparel and home fashions alongside a random inventory of neck pillows, pill organizers, cocktail olives, and dozens of other items—would provide users with the same sense of disorientation that regularly overwhelms shoppers at the chain’s nearly 1,200 brick-and-mortar locations.
“Longtime T.J. Maxx customers should feel right at home when they visit us online.”
“When you visit TJMaxx.com, you’ll immediately be presented with an assortment of surplus clothing available exclusively in sizes that don’t fit you, just as you would if you actually walked into one of our stores,” said Herrman, explaining that all merchandise on the website has three to five different prices attached to it, or else no visible price at all. “Select ‘shoes’ from the drop-down menu, and you’ll see scores of the same pair of Dolce Vita pumps, a variety of sneaker styles for which only the left shoe is available, some Tupperware without lids, and the occasional ceramic owl.”
He added, “Longtime T.J. Maxx customers should feel right at home when they visit us online.”
For their overhaul of the website, company officials confirmed they had included thousands of new high-definition photos so users can zoom in on products such as fingerprint-smudged pint glasses; already-opened packets of decorative napkins; irregular garments with jagged, misaligned seams; and handbags with their straps hopelessly tangled in a hair-dryer cord. According to reports, online customers will also discover a completely redesigned maternity wear section, which when clicked upon appears to consist of nothing but a single pig-shaped charcuterie board.
In addition, the site automatically redirects users through several pages of off-brand multicolored iPhone chargers and dusty caramel corn tins before they reach checkout, at which point they reportedly may complete their transaction, paying a price entirely different from what was listed.
Herrman also noted that web users requiring assistance can avail themselves of a customer support chat box, where, in real-time, a T.J. Maxx employee will answer any questions one asks with a terse “I don’t know” and then promptly log out, ignoring any further inquiries.
“If you’re a regular at our stores, you’ll find exactly what you’ve come to expect from T.J. Maxx when you visit our website: girls’ bathing suits located right next to the salad spinners in the kitchen section, and stud-loop leather belts pretty much everywhere,” Herrman said. “And if you’ve never been to a T.J. Maxx before, then log on and stock up on everything from throw pillows embroidered with inspirational messages to copies of Goodnight Moon with the cover torn off.”
“We’re proud to serve anyone who’s willing to click on the page for our luggage department and spend a couple of minutes staring in bewilderment at a 2-foot-tall wooden ‘S’ accompanied by no identifying information whatsoever,” he continued.
At press time, visitors to TJMaxx.com could also browse a seasonal Halloween section that featured a jack-o-lantern cookie jar with a visible seven-inch crack, an arctic camo chain wallet, and loose pieces from a magnetic travel checkerboard.