STAMFORD, CT—Caught off-guard by the shocking nationwide marketing blitz, anti-drug advocates roundly criticized Purdue Pharmaceuticals, the maker of OxyContin, for its massive new “It Gets You High” campaign. “We’re in the midst of an unprecedented opioid crisis in this country—is it really helpful to have thousands…
RICHMOND, VA—Sighing loudly and expressing a deep regret regarding the naïve and starry-eyed assumptions he had made about a recent supermarket purchase, local 32-year-old Noah Willson lamented to reporters Thursday that he had been duped by the glamorized manner in which a can of beans had been portrayed in a…
ATLANTA—Addressing the camera while seated on a couch between Samuel L. Jackson and Spike Lee, NBA legend and basketball analyst Charles Barkley declared that “Capital One is a terrible bank” in a new Capital One commercial that aired Thursday. “Capital One is a horrible company that screws over all of their…
NEW HAVEN, CT—Saying they were proud to showcase the work done by their writers, executives at the New Haven Register told reporters Thursday they sometimes like to set aside a little ad space to promote the newspaper’s own articles. “Every so often, at the bottom-right corner of our homepage, we’ll remove a small ad…
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA—Defiantly refusing to call the concert venue by the current title appearing on its facade and in promotional materials, Virginia Beach locals confirmed to reporters Tuesday their city’s renamed arena will always be the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater to them. “Verizon Wireless Amphitheater is the name…
RIO DE JANEIRO—Chronicling what many have called the most touching and incredible narrative of the Rio Games, NBC aired a special feature Monday about the inspirational story of Bridgestone’s journey to the 2016 Olympics. “It’s been such a long road, and at times it seemed impossible, but we never gave up, and now…
NEW YORK—In what many are calling a shameless and creepy attempt to court a much younger demographic, 55-year-old brand Frito-Lay was seen clearly targeting 18-to-24-year-old females this week with a new campaign for reduced-fat snacks, sources confirmed. “The extreme lengths that Frito-Lay is going to in a desperate…
CHICAGO—Explaining that he’s always trying out new tactics and carefully crafted phrases in an effort to connect with members of the demographic group, sources confirmed Tuesday that local man Rob Benson spends the majority of both his work and personal life desperately attempting to appeal to women 18 to 34 years…
DURHAM, NC—According to a study published Monday by researchers at Duke University’s Center for Cognitive Neuroscience, humans experience the most intense feelings of happiness when pressing the “skip ad” button before watching a video on the internet. “After measuring test subjects’ endorphin and serotonin levels…
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Calling it far and away the best initiative businesses can undertake to boost sales and brand awareness, a report released this week by Harvard Business School has found the most effective marketing technique remains handing out little versions of products. “Based on our research, there is simply no…
LOS ANGELES—Saying they wanted the editorial staff at online media company Insightable to be creative and really play around with it, representatives from Suncoast Snackfoods reportedly emphasized Monday that, when creating the corporation’s new branded entertainment, the digital publisher should just have fun with…
WASHINGTON—In a ceremony at the White House this morning in which his work was praised for its unique contributions to the art of corporate communications, Coca-Cola marketing strategist Lawrence Shaffer was officially appointed as the new PR laureate of the United States, sources confirmed.
LAWRENCEVILLE, GA—Expressing her growing unease at repeatedly spotting the same picture and text lurking in the corners of her favorite webpages, local woman Laura Spelman confirmed Monday that she has been stalked across eight different sites by an obsessed Nine West shoe advertisement. “When I first saw the ad for…
DENVER—Noting that physical limitations were hindering the 39-year-old’s performance, league sources confirmed Thursday that Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning lacks the strength to complete longer commercial takes. “Peyton’s preparation and ability to process information are second to none, but when you watch…
KANSAS CITY, MO—With their continued investment in projects aimed at reaching out to the 14-year-old inner-city resident, the nation’s marketers are the last group of people in the country still trying to get through to local child Derek Crawford, sources confirmed Wednesday.
ROSWELL, GA—Expressing his desire for a high-caliber talent with the creative vision to do justice to the film’s promotion, local man Jeff Crews told reporters Friday he has a list of dream marketers he’d love to see handle the next Spider-Man movie. “I’d see anything with James H. Martin; he’s an absolutely perfect…
HELENA, MT—Promising unspoiled nature and a relaxing escape from the hectic rigors of city life, a new Montana tourism advertising campaign that debuted this week is reportedly marketed toward urban bison. “We want Montana to be the only destination a bison thinks of when they need to get away from the hustle and…
Starbucks recently stirred up controversy with a new campaign aimed at starting a dialogue about race that many have called tone-deaf and insensitive. Here are some other social responsibility campaigns companies have launched over the years:
GREENVILLE, SC—Expressing his disappointment shortly after sitting down for lunch at a local franchise location Wednesday, area man Peter Strauss told reporters that the customers at Burger King were actually far less appealing in real life than they were depicted in the fast food chain’s commercials. “The Burger King…
