Study Finds Man Starting ‘Analyze This’ During Flight To Boston Currently Happiest Person In America

COLLEGE PARK, MD—Saying not one of his fellow citizens even approached his level of well-being, a study published Thursday in The Journal of Applied Psychology found that a man starting Analyze This on JetBlue flight 598 to Boston is currently the happiest person in America. “We observed that as the occupant of seat…

NFL Announces Plans To Stream ‘Thursday Night Football’ Exclusively On Delta Flights

NEW YORK—In an effort to continue delivering games to viewers in new and innovative ways, the NFL announced plans Wednesday to begin streaming “Thursday Night Football” exclusively on Delta flights. “We are thrilled that NFL fans will now be able to enjoy the excitement of ‘Thursday Night Football’ exclusively through…

American Airlines Admirals Club Installs Two-Way Mirror For Members To Enjoy Misery Of Passengers In Gate Waiting Area

FORT WORTH, TX—In an effort to provide the most luxurious experience to their most preferred clientele, American Airlines announced Wednesday that they had installed two-way mirrors in their Admirals Club lounges so that members could enjoy the misery of the passengers in the gate waiting area. “These wall-length…

Man Who Skipped Airport’s Moving Walkway Immediately Realizes What An Arrogant Fool He’s Been

LOS ANGELES—The grave implications of his vanity dawning on him, local man Ed Paitz realized what an arrogant fool he’s been after skipping the moving walkway at Los Angeles International Airport, sources said Thursday. “My god, what have I done?” said a despairing Paitz, realizing that, alas, he must live with the…