Passenger Glued To Airplane Window Like It Fucking 1956
DENVER—Appearing inexplicably mesmerized by the unremarkable scenery below, Delta flight 2127 passenger Richard Hart,…
Proposed Legislation Would Require Airline Seats Meet Federal Ass Standards
WASHINGTON—In response to numerous complaints from consumers with U.S.-regulation buttocks, congressional lawmakers…
Pilot Informs Passengers They Will Be Rerouting To Avoid Scary Cloud That Looks Like Shark
TEMPE, AZ—Advising passengers on Flight 523 to Chicago to sit tight while the aircraft was rerouted, United Airlines…
Flight Attendant Licks Her Lips As Traveler Approaches Gate With Large Suitcase
BOSTON—Positively salivating at the unsuspecting customer moving in her direction, flight attendant Melissa Holmes…
United Airlines Updates Policy On Allowing Dogfights In Passenger Cabin
CHICAGO—Explaining the growing need to tighten restrictions for the comfort of their guests, United Airlines officials…
Study Finds Man Starting ‘Analyze This’ During Flight To Boston Currently Happiest Person In America
COLLEGE PARK, MD—Saying not one of his fellow citizens even approached his level of well-being, a study published…
NFL Announces Plans To Stream ‘Thursday Night Football’ Exclusively On Delta Flights
NEW YORK—In an effort to continue delivering games to viewers in new and innovative ways, the NFL announced plans…
American Airlines Admirals Club Installs Two-Way Mirror For Members To Enjoy Misery Of Passengers In Gate Waiting Area
FORT WORTH, TX—In an effort to provide the most luxurious experience to their most preferred clientele, American…
United Airlines Offering Immigrants Special Flights That Circle U.S. Awaiting Gaps In Travel Ban
CHICAGO—In response to the executive order restricting entry to the United States from six majority-Muslim nations,…
Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It
‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO
A Timeline Of Aviation History
This Saturday marks 90 years since aviator Charles Lindbergh made his historic first nonstop solo transatlantic flight…
Man Who Skipped Airport’s Moving Walkway Immediately Realizes What An Arrogant Fool He’s Been
LOS ANGELES—The grave implications of his vanity dawning on him, local man Ed Paitz realized what an arrogant fool he’s…
Man Prowling At Airport Gate Ready To Pounce Like Jungle Cat At First Sign Of Boarding
SAN FRANCISCO—Slinking stealthily as he scanned the departure desk for any sudden movement, local man Aaron Smith…
Report: Airlines Installing Uncomfortable Bumps In Seatbacks Because It Pleases Them
NEW YORK—According to sources throughout the commercial aviation sector, the nation’s airlines will begin installing…
Tips For Cheaper Airfare
Whether the busy travel season, fuel prices, or airline collusion is to blame, airfare is currently very pricey, making…
Breaking: Flight Attendant Currently Attempting To Pass Cup Of Cranberry Juice Over Your Laptop
ATLANTA—Casually holding the drink between her index finger and thumb, a Delta Airlines flight attendant is at this…
Unlikely Team Of Allies Unite To Take On Airport Gate Agent
BOSTON—Mobilizing from various corners of the seating area to form a unified front, an unlikely team of allies at Logan…
Passengers Feel Sorry For Flustered Toddler Traveling With Loud, Obnoxious Parents
DENVER—Expressing their sympathy for the difficult and humiliating situation he was currently enduring, passengers…