‘I’m Afraid You Won’t Be Coming To Our New Headquarters,’ Declares Alexa As Amazon Execs Find Themselves Locked In Seattle Office

SEATTLE—Suddenly bolting the doors in every room all at once, Amazon’s Alexa virtual assistant reportedly declared, “I’m afraid you won’t be joining us at our new headquarters” on Tuesday before locking the company’s top executives in their Seattle office. “Your presence at Amazon’s new location will not be…

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Americans Outraged Amazon’s Punishing Work Culture Has Yet To Yield Same-Day Shipping For All Products

WASHINGTON—After revelations emerged regarding the online retailer’s cutthroat office environment, Americans across the nation expressed outrage Wednesday that Amazon’s punishing workplace culture had yet to result in same-day shipping for every single available product. “They have 50,000 employees working 85 hours a…