Lions, Zebras, Giraffes Run Off Cliff Shrieking En Masse As Shadow Of Melania Trump’s Jet Passes Over Savanna

DABOYA, GHANA—Birds fell from the sky, meerkats devoured their young, and shrieking packs of lions, zebras, and baboons reportedly ran off cliffs in staggering numbers as the shadow of Melania Trump’s jet passed over the African savanna Tuesday. Sources confirmed that as the plane carrying the first lady moved across…

Praying Mantis Hesitantly Agrees To Try Girlfriend’s Sexual Fantasy Of Eating His Head During Intercourse

CODAJÁS, BRAZIL—Saying that he was willing to try anything once, a praying mantis in the Amazon rainforest hesitantly agreed to his girlfriend’s sexual fantasy of eating his head during sex, sources confirmed Thursday. “Honestly, I was a little wary when she first told me she was fantasizing about devouring my head,…