Department Of Interior To Control Rising Mole Population By Releasing Mallets Into National Parks
WASHINGTON—In an effort to curb the skyrocketing mole populations, officials at the U.S. Department of the Interior…
Zoologists Discover New Fastest Land Animal After Pumping White-Tailed Deer Full Of Steroids
MADISON, WI—Shedding new light on the now-500-pound forest-dwelling antlered ungulant, zoologists at the University of…
Dog Who Successfully Detected Cancer In Owner Put Down For Practicing Medicine Without A License
PHOENIX—In what authorities hope serves as a warning to any domesticated animal who places medical patients at risk,…
Herpetologists Discover Species Of Frogs That Evolved To Spontaneously Grow Top Hat And Cane
ATHENS, OH—Claiming the finding could shed new light on the diversity of amphibian life, scientists from Ohio…
Researchers Publish List Of Ways Animals Can Help Fight Climate Change
MEDFORD, MA—Explaining that there were many simple things they could do to tackle one of the most urgent crises facing…
Warby Parker Apologizes For Years Of Testing Glasses On Animals
NEW YORK—Following several months of scrutiny and pressure from animal rights groups, glasses manufacturer Warby Parker…
Study Finds Rising Sea Levels Result Of Expansive Colonization Effort By Dolphins
LOS ANGELES—In a discovery poised to overturn years of climate science research, a study released Thursday by UCLA’s…
Moon Now Overrun With Cane Toads After Species Accidentally Introduced Into Environment During Apollo 17 Mission
HOUSTON—Apologizing for the destruction wreaked by the invasive species, NASA announced Thursday that the Moon is now…
Biologists Unveil New Taxonomic System Classifying Species By Hotness
HINXTON, ENGLAND—Confirming the new sorting method would revolutionize our understanding of all life on Earth,…
Study Finds Dogs Twitching In Sleep Are Dreaming About Tearing Owners Limb From Limb
ITHACA, NY—A study released Monday by animal behaviorists at Cornell University found that dogs that twitch, move their…
Humane Society Urges Americans To Opt For Shelter Turkey This Thanksgiving
WASHINGTON—Stressing that the undertaking would provide an extremely rewarding experience for families during the…
Study Finds Over 5 Million Birds Die Annually From Head-On Collisions With Clouds
STORRS, CT—Shedding considerable light on a previously mystifying aspect of accidental avian death, a new study from…
Cows Trample Dozens Of Lobsters To Death In Escalating Surf ’N’ Turf War
CAPE ELIZABETH, ME—In what is being described as the most ruthless act of bovine–crustacean violence in years, local…
Salamanders Bravely Offer To Go Extinct In Place Of Better Animal
EARTH—Insisting that the planet’s resources could be put to far better use than toward their own paltry existence, the…
Magpie Worried Mate Only Interested In Him For Collection Of Shiny Objects
SAN JOSE, CA—Unable to completely dismiss his doubt over his partner’s motives, a male North American black-billed…
Lions, Zebras, Giraffes Run Off Cliff Shrieking En Masse As Shadow Of Melania Trump’s Jet Passes Over Savanna
DABOYA, GHANA—Birds fell from the sky, meerkats devoured their young, and shrieking packs of lions, zebras, and baboons…