Back-To-School Preparation Tips For Parents
With millions of children heading back to school next week, parents across the country are stocking up on supplies,…
School Janitor's Summer As Human Already A Distant Memory
NORTH PLATTE, NE—Two weeks into the new school year, North Platte High School janitor Stan McCurdy's fond memories of…
Nation's Underfunded Public Education System To Experiment With Shortened 6-Day School Year
WASHINGTON—Faced with shrinking tax revenues and decreased public spending, the Department of Education announced…
Mom Unaware Little Note She Packed With Son's Lunch Getting Him Beaten Up Right Now
SUN VALLEY, ID—Dental hygienist and mother June Treadway, 36, appears unaware that the thoughtful note she wrote at…
2nd-Grade Teacher Can't Believe How Much Fatter They Keep Getting
WASHINGTON, PA—With the 2012-2013 academic year beginning this week, longtime James G. Blaine Elementary School teacher…
Teacher Just Hopes They Never Google Him
KETTERING, OH—After completing his first day at Fairmont High School on Tuesday, history teacher Ted Wilkinson…
6th-Grade Teacher Seen Making Out With GameStop Dude
BETHESDA, MD—Multiple reports Monday morning indicated that Van Buren Middle School teacher Ms. Emeling was totally…
College Roommates To Continue Bonding Process Until Real Friends Made
BOSTON—Sources at Boston University's Shelton Hall reported Monday that freshmen Paul Seltzer and Michael Thiru will…
Even Annoying Twentysomething Shits Like Me Deserve To Have A Future
While the Declaration of Independence guarantees each of us the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,…
Report: More Recent College Graduates Making Extra Money By Tutoring High School Teachers
NORMAL, IL—According to the Center for the Study of Education Policy at Illinois State University, an increasing number…
Lonely Teacher, Outcast Student Begin Somewhat Endearing Sexual Relationship
FORT WORTH, TX—Filling the voids of loneliness present in their respective lives, Robert P. Hughes High School science…
Freshman Asks New Roommate Not To Hide Masturbation From Him
BLOOMINGTON, IN—As Indiana University students began moving into their assigned residence halls Wednesday, freshman…
Nation's Students To Give American Education System Yet Another Chance
WASHINGTON—Despite years of putting up with underperforming teachers, overcrowded classrooms, and a gradually…
College Student Still Managing To Look Like Asshole In Picture Of Village He Helped Build
PRINCETON, NJ—Even while posing for a picture alongside impoverished people he helped provide humanitarian aid to,…
Nation's School Systems Held Back A Year
WASHINGTON—Having continued to display learning deficits and a failure to reach basic educational milestones, the…
15-Year-Old Girl Viciously Torn Apart By Rabid Pack Of Peers
MONTEREY, CA—A stunned crowd outside Del Monte Shopping Center watched in horror Saturday as helpless 15-year-old Haley…
Fourth-Grader’s World War II Project Vastly Oversimplifies Importance Of Air Combat, Uncle Reports
NORRISTOWN, PA—Despite receiving a “check-plus” on his three-page school project entitled “World War II,” fourth-grader…
Nickname To Forever Prevent People From Getting To Know The Real Dumptruck
BLAIRSVILLE, GA—Having been saddled with the nickname for years, a 27-year-old man known to his friends as "Dumptruck"…
Attempt To Meet Different Types Of People Thwarted By Partygoer Who Also Watches 'Friday Night Lights'
PORTLAND, ME—Party attendee Richard Silvan's plan to branch out and meet people who would perhaps introduce him to a…