Features Of Android Oreo
Google’s new operating system for Android devices, Oreo, includes a whole host of new features and improvements. Here’s what to expect from Android Oreo.
Report: Distracted Driving Results In More Than 5,000 Unfinished Texts Each Year
WASHINGTON—Describing the findings as “deeply troubling,” the U.S. Department of Transportation released a report Tuesday revealing that the growing epidemic of distracted driving is responsible for more than 5,000 unfinished text messages a year. “Far too often, drivers concentrating on their phones instead of the…
Sprint’s New Long-Distance Relationship Plan Offers Decreased Minutes Each Month
NEW YORK—Touting it as a cost-effective and more customized option for many subscribers, Sprint this week announced a new wireless calling plan for people in long-distance relationships that offers a decreasing number of minutes each month. “Starting with 500 shared anytime minutes that gradually dwindle on a…
Disheartened Man Expected At Least One Text While Checking Phone After Flight
BALTIMORE—Expressing frustration over the lack of any new text notifications on his phone, disheartened Southwest Airlines passenger Shawn Woods confirmed Thursday that he had expected to receive at least one message upon checking the device after his flight. “It was a four-hour flight, so I assumed I’d get a text…
Congressman Embroiled In Sexting Scandal Explains: 'I Wanted That Girl To See My Penis'
David Connors sits down for an exclusive interview with Congressman Bart Handford, who is finally opening up about the nude photo scandal that has threatened his career.
Apple Releases Brief, Fleeting Moment Of Excitement
CUPERTINO, CA—Ending weeks of anticipation and intense speculation, tech giant Apple unveiled a short and fleeting moment of excitement to the general public Tuesday during a media event at its corporate headquarters. “With this groundbreaking new release, Apple has completely revolutionized the way we experience an…
Apple Claims New iPhone Only Visible To Most Loyal Of Customers
SAN FRANCISCO—In a move expected to revolutionize the mobile device industry, Apple launched its fastest and most powerful iPhone to date Tuesday, an innovative new model that can only be seen by the company's hippest and most dedicated customers.
Man Sentenced To 3 Months Probation For 17th-Degree Murder
ST. LOUIS—Jury members in the murder case against real estate agent David Steffen said that the angry message Steffen left on victim Ron Meyer's cell phone, which Meyer was listening to when he was struck by an oncoming car, was "more than enough" evidence to convict Steffen of 17th-degree murder.
Test-Driving The New Smartphones
If you're on the go, doing three shows a day at a marine park, it's hard to keep up with e-mail, and text messaging can be a real time-suck. Thankfully, with the prices of smartphones coming down, these all-in-one cell phone PDAs aren't just for business travelers anymore. Over the last week, I put three of the…
New Mobile-Device Purchase Makes Asshole More Versatile
NEW YORK—Since acquiring his BlackBerry 8703c mobile device last month, asshole Robert McClain, 29, has reported vastly increased versatility, mobility, and off-site task-reassignment efficiency. The Credit Suisse executive and total shit claimed the new technology has opened more doors and become an absolutely…
Vehement Anti-Cell-Phone Guy Finally Caves
ANN ARBOR, MI—After calling the device "the item single-handedly responsible for the erosion of our nation's social and cultural foundation" for close to a decade, Jason Whiting gave in to social pressures this weekend and bought a cell phone.
Bacon Just One Of Sprint's New Downloadable Ring Scents
OVERLAND PARK, KS—Wireless-phone-service provider Sprint PCS has added Hickory-Smoked Bacon to its quickly growing list of downloadable Ring Scents, which includes Pine Forest, New Car, and Cinnamon Potpourri. "Smells are stronger memory triggers than sounds, and now you can assign a different smell for everyone on…
The In-Flight Cell-Phone Ban
The FCC is currently reviewing its ban on the use of cell phones during flights, but many passengers say they like the restriction. What do you think?
Cell Phone Lost, Found, All In Thrilling Four-Minute Period
PITTSBURGH, PA—Emotions quickly changed from panic to joy for University of Pittsburgh junior Evelyn Labaton when she lost, searched for, and found her Nokia 6230 Cingular Wireless cell phone Tuesday.
