Apr 15News in Brief4/15/20News in Brief4/15/20Fears Over Food Supply Grows After Nation’s Naughty Little Boys Sneak Into Reserve Stockpiles And Eat All The Sweets
Mar 25News3/25/20News3/25/20OGN Investigates: We Exposed An Orphan To Nothing But Violent Games For The First 12 Years Of His Life And While It Didn’t Make Him Violent He Sure Came Out Weird
Mar 23News in Brief3/23/20News in Brief3/23/20Disturbing New Study Finds American 5th-Graders Only Absorbing Targeted Advertisements At 1st-Grade Level
Mar 6News in Brief3/6/20News in Brief3/6/20Man Who’s Really Excited To One Day Have Children Must Be Pedophile
Feb 28News in Brief2/28/20News in Brief2/28/20Child Doing Stations Of The Cross Reflects On Boredom Christ Must Have Felt During Crucifixion
Feb 26News in Brief2/26/20News in Brief2/26/20‘I’m Free, I’m Finally Free!’ Thinks Parent Before Realizing Lost Child Just Hiding Inside Clothes Rack
Feb 17News in Brief2/17/20News in Brief2/17/20Parenting Experts Reveal Forcing Child To Shoot Dying Pet Only Teaches Lesson About Mortality For First 5 Or So Times
Feb 10News in Brief2/10/20News in Brief2/10/20Study Finds Leading Cause Of Childhood Obesity Witches Fattening Up Children To Be Eaten
Feb 5News in Brief2/5/20News in Brief2/5/20Pedestrians Passing Each Other On Sidewalk Stop To Let Children Sniff Each Other
Jan 27News in Brief1/27/20News in Brief1/27/20Parents Impressed By How Big Baby Has Gotten After Just 16 Months Of CrossFit
Jan 24News in Brief1/24/20News in Brief1/24/20Trump Makes Powerful Pro-Life Case By Speaking About The Joys Of Neglecting A Child
Jan 7News in Brief1/7/20News in Brief1/7/20Hasbro Launches Line Of Trap-Building Kits To Encourage Girls To Get Into Post-Apocalyptic Survivalism
Jan 6News in Brief1/6/20News in Brief1/6/20Demon Kicking Self For Inhabiting Child When He Could’ve Possessed Someone Who Could Buy A Gun
Dec 16News in Brief12/16/19News in Brief12/16/19Pathetic Man Cries When He’s Upset Rather Than Screaming At 3-Year-Old Son To Shut The Fuck Up
Dec 4News in Brief12/4/19News in Brief12/4/19Mom Scolds Child For Pointing At Homeless Man Instead Of Ignoring His Very Existence
Nov 13News in Brief11/13/19News in Brief11/13/19Precocious 5-Year-Old Already Holding Long, Pointless Business Meeting With Stuffed Animals
Nov 4News in Brief11/4/19News in Brief11/4/19‘The Onion’ Announces New Nationwide Literacy Program Encouraging Kids To Read ‘The Onion’ For An Hour A Day
