Nov 5News In Photos11/5/20News In Photos11/5/20CNN Production Assistant Dutifully Shoots Another Round Of Uppers Into Wolf Blitzer’s Butt Cheek
Nov 3News in Brief11/3/20News in Brief11/3/20CNN Seamstresses Frantically Updating Results On Electoral Map QuiltNEW YORK—Unrolling yet another bolt of quilter’s weight cotton as vote tallies poured in from across the country,…
Sep 18News in Brief9/18/20News in Brief9/18/20Fox News Slams CNN For Providing Biden Each Question Seconds Before He Answered ItWASHINGTON—Expressing outrage that the network’s moderators would stoop so low on a nationally televised town hall,…
Aug 26News in Brief8/26/20News in Brief8/26/20Commentators Note Healthy Choice Commercial That Played Between RNC Broadcasts Made Powerful, Stirring Case For Reduced-Calorie DinnersNEW YORK—Acknowledging that it delivered a message that would likely stick with viewers for a long time, political…
Apr 20News in Brief4/20/20News in Brief4/20/20Fully Recovered Chris Cuomo Gradually Realizing Family Never Going To Let Him Out Of BasementLONG ISLAND, NY—Saying recent improvements to his health had given him the energy to finally consider the…
Apr 7News in Brief4/7/20News in Brief4/7/20Ratings-Hungry Chris Cuomo Devotes Program To Interviewing 23 Other Cuomo BrothersNEW YORK—Enjoying a significant uptick in viewers following recent viral appearances on his television show by New…
Jan 16 2020News in Brief1/16/20News in Brief1/16/20CNN Reveals Bernie Sanders Running For President Of Country With History Of SexismWASHINGTON—Calling their bombshell report incredibly damning, CNN revealed Thursday that Democratic candidate Bernie…
Jan 14 2020News in Brief1/14/20News in Brief1/14/20CNN Reminds Debate Participants To Keep Personal Attacks Off The Stage In Favor Of New Confession Cam BackstageDES MOINES, IA—Reaffirming their commitment to facilitating a civil, constructive event, CNN moderators reminded…
Jan 14 2020News in Brief1/14/20News in Brief1/14/20CNN Moderator Challenges Sanders’ Support For Women By Asking Him To Name Every Part Of Female Reproductive SystemDES MOINES, IA—In light of the Democratic presidential candidate’s alleged comments on the electiblity of a female…
Jan 14 2020News In Photos1/14/20News In Photos1/14/20‘Hey, Remember John Hickenlooper?’ Says Wolf Blitzer To Break Tension From Debate
Jan 14 2020News in Brief1/14/20News in Brief1/14/20CNN Figures It Can Soak Tom Steyer For Couple Million By Pretending It Costs Money To Appear In DebateDES MOINES, IA—Speculating that the candidate would not raise an objection to any sum they named, CNN officials…
Nov 4 2019News in Brief11/4/19News in Brief11/4/19CNN Responds To Richard Spencer Comments By Apologizing For Not Getting Him To Say Those Things On The ShowATLANTA—Following leaked audio of the white supremacist’s slur-filled 2017 tirade, CNN responded Monday to Richard…
Oct 15 2019News in Brief10/15/19News in Brief10/15/19CNN Moderator Desk Crowded After 16 Pundits Qualify For DebateWESTERVILLE, OH—Jockeying to have their questions heard over the other anchors and journalists crowded around the…
Aug 1 2019News in Brief8/1/19News in Brief8/1/19CNN Under Fire For Failing To Disclose Pro-Iran War Panelist Actually Raytheon DeepStrike MissileATLANTA—Facing a backlash over what critics viewed as misleading journalistic practices, CNN was under fire Thursday…
Jul 31 2019News In Photos7/31/19News In Photos7/31/19CNN Publishes Winners And Losers Of Wednesday Night Debate 45 Minutes Before Broadcast
Jul 30 2019News In Photos7/30/19News In Photos7/30/19Debate Set Clearly Painted-Over Props From Production Of ‘James And The Giant Peach’
Apr 23 2019News in Brief4/23/19News in Brief4/23/19Town Hall Audience Gives Amy Klobuchar Standing Ovation As She Lifts Chris Cuomo Up By ThroatGOFFSTOWN, NH—Erupting into frenzied applause as the Democratic presidential candidate began mercilessly choking the…
Dec 13 2018News in Brief12/13/18News in Brief12/13/18CNN Opens Up 24-Hour Anonymous Tip Line For Anyone With Synonyms For ‘Mueller Closing In’NEW YORK—Turning to the public in their search for possible leads, CNN set up a 24-hour anonymous tip line Thursday…
Nov 19 2018News In Photos11/19/18News In Photos11/19/18Jim Acosta Immediately Decks White House Intern After Being Let Back Into Press Pool
Nov 8 2018News in Brief11/8/18News in Brief11/8/18‘Sir, You Stated You Wanted To Modernize The Grinch For Today’s Audience,’ Says New CNN Entertainment Reporter Jim AcostaLOS ANGELES—In a heated exchange during a contentious press conference, new CNN entertainment reporter Jim Acosta…