INDIANAPOLIS, IN—In a stern indictment of the cash-grabbing scandal that the student athletics organization was somehow…
AMES, IA—In part of an ongoing effort to foster a more inclusive academic community, thousands of students from across…
YOUR LITTLE HEAD—Confirming that oh, sure, probably no one gets into the prestigious university without their wealthy…
LOS ANGELES—Following revelations about the actress’s alleged involvement in a college bribery scandal, University of…
NEW YORK—Noting that his four years at Fordham University hadn’t even led to a 3,000-square-foot penthouse apartment on…
TUSCALOOSA, AL—In an effort to prevent further alcohol-related tragedy, University of Alabama administrators announced…
NEW HAVEN, CT—Immediately dismissing the high school senior’s chances of acceptance after reviewing his record, Yale…
GALESBURG, IL—Baffled by the unusual pace of their classmate’s social involvement, residents at a Knox College…
KALAMAZOO, MI—Failing to complete the simple task despite his ostensibly robust academic background, onlooking students…
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—Carefully establishing a reminder lest they lose themselves in a moment of exuberance, fraternity…
TALLAHASSEE, FL—Calling the ordeal both “hilarious” and “classic Trevor,” representatives from Florida State’s Sigma…
TUSCALOOSA, AL—Suddenly realizing that the tradition was actually sort of strange when one stopped to really think…
This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2022, with most of them being born in 2000. …
BERKELEY, CA—Eagerly speculating over who will make up the roster of controversial public intellectuals, students at…
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Emphasizing the graduates’ enthusiasm for life, eagerness to contribute to society, and 22 percent higher…
APPLETON, WI—Noting that the message had been received loud and fucking clear already, attendees of Appleton West High…
DURHAM, NC—Urging millions of 32-year-olds to report immediately to the registrar’s office, colleges across the country…
ROCK ISLAND, IL—Noting that the ceremony’s esteemed guest of honor sure seemed like a cocky motherfucker, attendees of…
ALLENTOWN, PA—Purporting to read right through the grandstanding handbill, sources confirmed Friday that there could be…
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