The ugly state of American politics is easy to understand when you consider the fact that so few Americans are exposed to murals of people holding hands, Onion Senior Political Reporter Eliza Hayes explains.
The election results have left many people with the urge to stay politically engaged and keep fighting for change. Here are some ways to make a difference whether your chosen candidate won or lost:
LITTLETON, MA—Staring over a month-old press release announcing the opening of a new Supercenter, senior executives at Wal-Mart said they were a little freaked out that the people of Littleton, MA appear to have made no effort to stop them. "No emotionally charged town hall meetings, no petitions to save local…
UNIONTOWN, PA—An elderly man currently struggling to walk up a flight of steps at the local post office has rocked this community of nearly 12,000 people, leaving many shaken and devastated by the slow-moving, wheezing octogenarian's inability to perform what was once an effortless physical task, sources confirmed…
Hollywood Blasted For Failure To Portray Modern Dorks Of Color
FORT SCOTT, KS—In the wake of a car accident that claimed the lives of four promising high schoolers, Fort Scott mayor Thomas Dietrich told reporters Monday that his shattered community had come together as one, acknowleged its horrible loss, and decided to "just call it quits."
PEORIA, IL—A local coffee shop employee exhibited no interest in contributing to the betterment of his community Monday, even though such a contribution would, in the long term, surely be in the man's best interest.
LOS ANGELES—After interviewing nearly 50 applicants, board members of Canyon Hills, a planned community in Southern California, are narrowing in on a candidate for the coveted position of resident drug dealer, sources said Tuesday. "It's been quite an involved vetting process, but we're close to finding someone who…
CARIBOU, ME—Residents of the recently disbanded intentional-living community Harmony's Path said Monday that disputes concerning the shared use of a homemade wool blanket caused the utopian society's rapid undoing.
DETROIT—In a heartwarming display of community feeling, members of the Delray neighborhood in southwest Detroit have banded together to find Milo Patterson, 38, the latest parent to vanish in the string of mysterious abductions that has plagued the area.
It seems like every house in this town has a fence, every door a lock. Our next-door neighbors have become strangers. We've lost touch with our friends. Our community's streets are safer than ever, but its residents have become isolated. We desperately need something to strengthen the common bonds that have weakened…
LOS ANGELES—A Coca-Cola commercial celebrating Latin American culture made its debut on several major networks last week, empowering and uplifting Latinos nationwide, sources reported Monday.
SUMMITVILLE, IN—The 1,032 residents of Summitville are rallying to save CEC MidCorp, a struggling, Indianapolis-based corporation that posted record fourth-quarter losses last year.
NEW YORK–Miguel Nunez, a Brooklyn-based artist, has sparked protest and outrage within the art community with his "Jesus Rising #4," a non-controversial, non-feces-smeared painting that in no way defiles or blasphemes Jesus Christ.
CLEARWATER, FL–Residents of the just-opened 200-acre gated resort community occupying Lot 643 of Pinellas County are still unable to agree on a name, community leaders confirmed Tuesday. "We've already ruled out 'Cypress Bay,' 'Orchard Ridge,' and 'Cedar Landing,'" association head Will Lufkin said. "Next week we're…
CHULA VISTA, CA–Republican presidential candidate George W. Bush extended a hand of friendship to the nation's Hispanic community Monday, leaving a larger-than-customary tip for waiter Ramon Gonzalez after eating at La Galleria, a trendy Chula Vista bistro.
BENTON, NE—They say adversity brings people closer together. They say hardship only strengthens the ties that bind.
MANHATTAN, NY—Nestled in the southeast corner of New York State, Manhattan is an old-fashioned sort of community, the kind of place where people still live in close proximity to one another and walk to the corner store to pick up the daily paper.
PLEASANT, NC—Outraged community members are mounting an aggressive public protest campaign this week in response to an X-rated videotape availiable at Pleasant's Video Villa video store, claiming that the tape does not contain the "Spectacular All-Anal Action" promised on its cover.