GOP Leaders Demand Congressman Duncan Hunter’s Resignation After Discovering He Poor

WASHINGTON—In the wake of federal charges brought against the California lawmaker for multiple egregious campaign finance violations, GOP leadership released a statement Friday calling for Congressman Duncan Hunter’s resignation following the revelation that he is, in fact, poor. “Congressman Hunter’s actions simply…

Sen. Hatch Says Trump Allegations Not Serious Enough That Scales Should Fall From Eyes Revealing What Madness We Have Begotten

WASHINGTON—In the wake of Paul Manafort’s conviction and Michael Cohen’s guilty plea, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) told reporters Thursday that the mounting allegations against President Trump are not yet serious enough to make the scales fall from the eyes of Republicans and allow them to behold the sheer shrieking…

Peter Strzok Summoned Before Congress Again For Texts Calling Trey Gowdy ‘A Pissy Little Shithead’

WASHINGTON—Following immediately on the heels of his hearing before the House Judiciary and Oversight committees, FBI agent Peter Strzok was again summoned to testify before Congress Thursday about texts calling Trey Gowdy a “pissy little shithead.” “Now what exactly did you mean when you said Trey Gowdy was a…

Congress Not Sure What It Did To Make Trump Think It Wouldn’t Roll Over For Whatever He Wants In Syria

WASHINGTON—Following President Trump’s decision to launch airstrikes in Syria without seeking approval from Congress, GOP lawmakers reportedly asked what they had ever done to make the commander in chief think they wouldn’t immediately knuckle under and let him bomb whomever he wishes. “Honestly, he ought to know by…

Congress Confused By $500 Million In Trump’s Budget Allocated For ‘Laser Stuff’

WASHINGTON—As they examined the recently released White House budget, U.S. senators and representatives expressed confusion Tuesday about the $500 million that President Trump has proposed the government spend on “laser stuff” in fiscal year 2019. “While I agree with many of the president’s recommendations, like his…

Dianne Feinstein Horrified After New Gun Control Bill Disintegrates Immediately Upon Crossing Into Senate Chamber

WASHINGTON—Staring down in shock at her empty hands where the piece of legislation had been only seconds earlier, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) was reportedly left horrified Monday after her gun control bill disintegrated immediately upon crossing into the Senate chamber. “I was just walking in from my office holding…

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