Report: Only Predictor Of Happy Marriage Is If Husband Ever Won Wife Big Stuffed Animal At Amusement Park

CHICAGO—Citing it as the telltale indicator of long-term marital satisfaction, a report released Wednesday by the Family Institute at Northwestern University found that the sole predictor of a successful marriage is whether or not the husband ever won a big stuffed animal for his wife at a county fair or amusement…

‘I Want To Be With Someone Else,’ Says Woman Who Must Think 3-Time Hyundai Sales Leaders Grow On Trees

BETHESDA, MD—Local woman Heather Wilton, who apparently assumes that three-time Hyundai sales leaders just grow on trees, reportedly broke up with longtime boyfriend Kent Lewis Thursday, the Hyundai Sales Edge Award–winner reported. “I guess she’s under the impression that the world is overflowing with men who happen…