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Texas State Troopers Arrest Dak Prescott For Terminating Conceived Playcall With Audible

DALLAS—Alleging that the Dallas Cowboys quarterback deliberately flouted Texas abortion laws, state troopers…

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Cowboys Sign Young 70-Year-Old Backup To Compete With Jerry Jones For Owner Job

ARLINGTON, TX—Hoping to light a fire under the executive after years of poor performance, the Dallas Cowboys signed…

Sports

NFL Reformers Criticize Cowboys-To-Broadcast Booth Pipeline

NEW YORK—Denouncing the corrupt system that sees the Dallas elite jumping into powerful positions with no…

Sports

Mike McCarthy Dismisses Talk Of Locker Room Turmoil After Cowboys Burn Mike McCarthy Effigy On Field

ARLINGTON, TX—Promising that the team was all on the same page heading into this week’s matchup with the Eagles,…

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Cowboys Team Doctor Breaks News That Mentally Deteriorating Jerry Jones Will Soon Be Unable To Recognize Single Player On Roster

SportsThe Morning Sweat

Does Amari Cooper’s Experience Playing Under A Terrible Head Coach Make Him A Perfect Fit For The Cowboys?

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A Look Back At Tony Romo: The Dallas Cowboys All-Time Leading Bone Breaker

Sports

Jerry Jones Unveils Plans For Extravagant 100,000-Seat Cowboys Owner’s Box

ARLINGTON, TX—Boasting that it will provide the most extraordinary game-day atmosphere ever conceived, Jerry Jones…

Sports

Doctor Performing Surgery On Cowboys Player Frustrated By Jerry Jones Hovering Over Him

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Jason Witten Can’t Believe He Stuck Rooming With Jerry Jones During Training Camp Again

OXNARD, CA—Saying that he is counting down the days until the offseason practices are over, Dallas Cowboys tight end…

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Dallas Cowboys Honored For Helping Reintegrate Criminals Back Into NFL

DALLAS—Praising the organization for their refusal to turn their backs on those with a troubled past, the ACLU…

Sports

Jerry Jones Vows Cowboys Stadium Will Be Most Spectacular Ebola Quarantine Center Ever

DALLAS—Following news of a second confirmed case of Ebola in the city, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones assured…

Sports

Jerry Jones Claims Dallas Cowboys Are The Team To Beat Up On This Season

Sports

Jerry Jones Not Ruling Out Someday Trading Way Too Much For Johnny Manziel

IRVING, TX—After surprisingly passing on the opportunity to pick quarterback Johnny Manziel during last week’s NFL…

Sports

Locker Room Reporter Still Hasn’t Gotten Used To Seeing Jerry Jones Naked

IRVING, TX—Despite having frequently visited NFL locker rooms for several years, Dallas Morning News sports reporter…

Sports

Tony Romo Confident Bruised Ribs Won’t Hurt His Performance In Upcoming Ballet Recital

DALLAS—Despite suffering several bruised ribs during last weekend’s 36-31 victory over the New York Giants, Cowboys…

Sports

Dallas Cowboys Halftime Show Features Execution Of Texas Prisoner

ARLINGTON, TX—Marking the Cowboys’ season opener against the Giants in traditional fashion, Dallas fans were…

Sports

Tony Romo Notices Star On Cowboys Helmet For First Time

DALLAS—Entering his 11th season with the franchise, Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo reportedly noticed the star on the…

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Tony Romo Practicing For First Time Since Surgery To Remove Ovarian Cyst

OXNARD, CA—According to sources inside the Dallas Cowboys training staff, quarterback Tony Romo returned to the…

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Cowboys Award 6-Year, $108 Million Extension To Super Bowl–Watching Quarterback Tony Romo

IRVING, TX—In an effort to prevent the multiple championship–viewing player from reaching free agency, the Dallas…