Pollster Informs George H.W. Bush That Dying So Soon After Wife Would Really Boost Favorability Rating

HAMDEN, CT—Pollsters from the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute reportedly informed former president George H.W. Bush on Wednesday that dying so soon after the passing of his wife, Barbara, would dramatically boost his favorability rating with the American public. “According to our data, perishing on the same…

‘I Look Forward To Ending My Life,’ Says Assisted Suicide Advocate Before Being Shot Out Of Cannon At Brick Wall

BASEL, SWITZERLAND—Bedecked in a red cape and leather jumpsuit as he began shimmying into the muzzle of the artillery weapon, assisted suicide advocate David Goodall told reporters Thursday that he looked forward to ending his life before being shot out of a cannon at a brick wall. “At my age, and even earlier than my…