The recent announcement that footage of late actor Carrie Fisher in the upcoming Star Wars film has reignited debate about the ethics of using unused images or reconstructed footage of deceased entertainers in movies, television, and commercials, something that is only likely to increase as imaging techniques improve. …
CHATHAM, MO—Concluding their investigation into the cop who fatally shot an unarmed black man during a September 2017 traffic stop, the Chatham Police Department announced Tuesday that Officer William Feldman would be let off with a promotion. “After a thorough examination of all the evidence, we’ve concluded that the…
ROCHESTER, NY—After losing a three-year battle with prostate cancer during which he only sporadically masturbated to prurient images, beloved father and infrequent pornography user Larry Gates passed away Monday, surrounded by his loving family in the home where he kept one or two old Playboys which, when in better…
OAK PARK, IL—Noting the chill that ran down her spine at the thought of what ghastly fate may have befallen the previous occupant, hospital guest Rosie Scholl found it impossible to shake the creepy feeling that someone might have died in her room. “I don’t know, there’s just this vibe, like something really bad went…
AUSTIN, TX—Shedding light on the dangers of challenging death, a new report published Friday found that the fastest-rising cause of death in the U.S. is losing a chess match to the Grim Reaper. “After examining recent mortality trends, we have found that the rate at which Americans are dying due to the Grim Reaper…
KATHMANDU, NEPAL—Confirming the worst fears of friends and family, authorities announced Thursday that a Himalayan goat that went missing 10 days ago on the treacherous southwest face of Mount Everest has died following a failed ascent. “At approximately 8:30 a.m. this morning, a group of Canadian climbers discovered…
HAMDEN, CT—Pollsters from the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute reportedly informed former president George H.W. Bush on Wednesday that dying so soon after the passing of his wife, Barbara, would dramatically boost his favorability rating with the American public. “According to our data, perishing on the same…
FRANKLIN, TN—Wiping away bittersweet tears as the lights dimmed and the lovely couple took the floor for the first time as widower and wife, attendees at the funeral of Martha Bowers got misty-eyed Thursday during the traditional first dance with the corpse. “You could just see the love in [Phillip Bowers’] eyes when…
JERUSALEM—Wiping away a tear as he confirmed the public’s worst fears, Israel prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu officially declared a nationwide day of mourning Tuesday for a section of security fence damaged in yesterday’s conflict at the Gaza border. “We must all come together and take the time to grieve for this…
BASEL, SWITZERLAND—Bedecked in a red cape and leather jumpsuit as he began shimmying into the muzzle of the artillery weapon, assisted suicide advocate David Goodall told reporters Thursday that he looked forward to ending his life before being shot out of a cannon at a brick wall. “At my age, and even earlier than my…
COLLEGE STATION, TX—According to a new poll released Monday by researchers at Texas A&M University, the death of a spouse is often the most liberating and personally fulfilling event of one’s life. “Despite the common notion that a loved one’s passing is a heartbreaking or debilitating experience, we found the…
MOLINE, IL—Mystified by the lack of detail and speculating on the possible reasons for the same, local woman Jennifer Wallach was forced to do some detective work Monday when the obituary for a recently deceased high school classmate omitted the cause of his death. “Why would they just leave out how he died like…
