Children Starting To See Through Dad’s Claim That DoubleTree Hotel Part Of Disney Resort 

ORLANDO, FL—Increasingly dubious that their lodging was in any way tied to the theme park experience, Larry Kostyk’s two children on Wednesday were reportedly starting to see through their father’s claim that the DoubleTree Hotel was part of the Walt Disney World Resort. “I dunno, we’re like half an hour away from the…

Authorities On Loudspeaker Plead With Holdout Characters To Evacuate Disney World While They Still Can

ORLANDO, FL—Beseeching those individuals remaining on the premises Wednesday to relocate before Hurricane Irma strikes, local officials reportedly drove down Disney World’s Main Street, USA, using vehicle-mounted loudspeakers to plead with any holdout characters to evacuate. “We urge everyone to leave Liberty Square…

Despite Armie Hammer Profile In ‘Good Housekeeping’ Magazine, ‘Lone Ranger’ A Flop At Box Office

LOS ANGELES—In a development that stunned studio executives, the new Disney motion picture The Lone Ranger somehow flopped at the box office over its opening weekend despite a recent profile of star Armie Hammer in Good Housekeeping magazine. “We’re totally in disbelief over the way the movie has underperformed—people…