Hydra Decides To See Doctor About Painful Ingrown Head
ARGOLIS, GREECE—Worrying that it would become infected if left unattended, the water monster Hydra confirmed Friday…
Man Wakes From Coma With Ability To Understand Health Insurance Policy
PARKER, CO—In what doctors are calling a true medical miracle, local construction worker Kal Mathyssen awoke from a…
You Get Into This Business For The Ear And The Nose, But The Throat Grows On You
I’m often asked by acquaintances and patients about how I decided on my medical specialty, and, as much as I’m…
Medical Experts Disappointed With Man Who Failed To Live Up To Life Expectancy
TALLAHASSEE, FL—Explaining that the man’s lifestyle, ethnicity, and family history had all indicated a more favorable…
Mother Provides Adult Son With List Of Questions To Ask Doctor
MCKINNEY, TX—Instructing him to inquire about everything from his occasional sinus problems to his thyroid levels,…
Doctor Just Uses Same Ultrasound Picture For Every Baby
MEQUON, WI—Saying that the practice saves her considerable time and effort each day, local ob-gyn doctor Anna Schiesser…
Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep
STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and…
Tips For Finding The Right Doctor
Every person has different needs and preferences when it comes to health care, which is why it’s essential to find a…
American Medical Association Introduces New Highly Effective Placebo Doctors
CHICAGO—Saying that clinical trials have confirmed such individuals provide comparable results to fully trained,…
Doctor Recalls Average-Looking Sibling Who Inspired Him To Go Into Cosmetic Surgery
MINNETONKA, MN—Saying he had witnessed up close the daily hardships endured by a young person impaired by a bland,…
Physician Shoots Off A Few Adderall Prescriptions To Improve Yelp Rating
REDDING, CA—Noting that his practice’s rating on the business review website had dipped to just 3.5 stars, local…
New ‘Doctors Without Licenses’ Program Provides Incompetent Medical Care To Refugees
GENEVA—Determined to provide shoddy, substandard care to the world’s refugees, the new humanitarian organization…
Doctor Quickly Scribbles Prescription That Will Lead To 30-Year Battle With Painkiller Addiction
TAMPA, FL—After a brief consultation with new patient Dan Highland, local primary care physician Dr. Harold Schlesinger…
Panicked ER Doctor Calls 911
CHARLOTTE, NC—In the midst of performing an emergency appendectomy Thursday, panicked ER doctor Caleb Morrison dropped…
Patient Referred To Physician Who Specializes In Giving A Shit
NORTH PLATTE, NE—After visiting his primary care physician Tuesday with complaints of intense pain in his left leg,…