The Trump Presidency In 2018
Nearly halfway through his presidential term, Donald Trump has continued to exist in a perpetual state of controversy,…
Trump Administration Launches Human Rights Investigation Into Senate’s Harsh Treatment Of Mohammad Bin Salman
WASHINGTON—Decrying the Senate’s resolution blaming the crown prince for the brutal torture and murder of journalist…
Trump Claims Substantial Portions Of The U.S.-Mexico Laser Forcefield Have Already Been Built
WASHINGTON—In a stirring defense of his administration’s commitment toward border security, President Trump claimed…
Jonesing Nation Demands Trump Tell Them Where, Exactly, Drugs Are Pouring Into Country
WASHINGTON—Sweating profusely, scratching anxiously at their arms, and sniffing loudly while glancing around and…
White House Ficus To Leave For Virginia Arboretum After Declining Trump’s Offer To Be Chief Of Staff
WASHINGTON—As the Trump administration scrambles to find a replacement for outgoing advisor John Kelly, officials…
John Kelly Resigns In Last-Ditch Effort To Save His And Trump’s Friendship
WASHINGTON—Calling the decision necessary to protect the one relationship he values above all others, White House chief…
Trump Insists Manafort, Assange Only Discussed How Bad Collusion Is
WASHINGTON—Downplaying reports that his former campaign chairman may have collaborated with the controversial Wikileaks…
‘We Will Never Speak Of This Again,’ Says Trump To Mohammed Bin Salman As They Dump Khashoggi’s Body Into New Jersey River
DELANCO, NJ—Crouching on the river’s muddy banks as they carefully weighed down the journalist’s dismembered corpse…
Trump Delivers Touching Tribute To Fallen Heroes Of WWE
WASHINGTON—Praising them in a memorial ceremony for all the sacrifices they had made, President Donald Trump reportedly…
Trump Hacks Through Thick Central American Jungle In Search Of Entirely New Ethnic Group To Demonize
TALAMANCAN MONTANE FORESTS, COSTA RICA—Venturing deep into rainforest no outsider has dared explore, President Trump…
Anguished, Screaming Trump Bans Father’s Ghost From Press Room For Silently Pointing At Him
WASHINGTON—Forcefully closing his eyes, grasping his head with both hands, and repeatedly screaming to be left alone, a…
Mueller Wondering Why There All This Drama Over Trump’s Unpaid Parking Violations
WASHINGTON—Expressing confusion as to why everyone was getting so worked up, special counsel Robert Mueller was…
Trump Unveils Reelection Campaign Plan To Drive Bus Into Crowds Across Country
WASHINGTON—In an effort to appeal to his base and build enthusiasm for his reelection bid, President Donald Trump…
New Trump Campaign Ad Claims That Illegal Immigrants Currently Murdering You With Knife
WASHINGTON—Drawing the ire of critics who decried the spot as “misleading” and “racially charged,” a new campaign ad…
White House Concerned Ryan Zinke Made Land Deal Without Giving Cut To Trump
WASHINGTON—Confirming the administration had launched a Justice Department investigation into the U.S. secretary of the…
Trump Turns On Fox News And Tells Aides To Make Whatever They’re Saying A Law
WASHINGTON—Demanding aides write down every single word from the morning’s Fox & Friends broadcast, President Trump…
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
WASHINGTON—Saying his latest executive order was legal due to an “underutilized but totally feasible workaround,”…