Sep 7News in Brief9/7/20News in Brief9/7/20Acid Tab Feeling Lot Of Pressure To Present Tech CEO With Game-Changing Ideas For Disrupting Telecom IndustryPALO ALTO, CA—As it struggled to guide the executive toward an intense, meaningful breakthrough, a tab of LSD…
Sep 4News in Brief9/4/20News in Brief9/4/20Pope Maintains Divine Buzz By Microdosing Eucharist Throughout DayVATICAN CITY—Revealing that the practice helped him reach a state of sanctifying grace, Pope Francis confirmed…
Aug 18News in Brief8/18/20News in Brief8/18/20Meth Den Could Really Use Some Sprucing UpLIVINGSTON, TN—Explaining how a few small changes would go a long way toward improving the place’s atmosphere, a…
Jul 4News in Brief7/4/20News in Brief7/4/20Man Doing Whippet While Setting Off M-80 In Woods Behind Hardee’s Takes Moment To Reflect On How Promise Of Freedom Yet UnfulfilledNORPHLET, AR—Breathing deeply of nitrous oxide as he listened to the powerful explosions, solemn and somber local…
May 6News in Brief5/6/20News in Brief5/6/20Study Finds Skin Melting Off Your Hands Revealing Bones Beneath Best Indication You’re About To Have A Bad TripSANTA CRUZ, CA—In an investigation of how different variables can predict the effects of hallucinogenic drugs, a new…
Mar 19Slideshow3/19/20Slideshow3/19/206 Startling Before And After Photos Of Meth UsersIn recent years, the recreational use of methamphetamine has skyrocketed in the United States. While the drug…
Mar 6News in Brief3/6/20News in Brief3/6/20Man Talking Big Game About Having Shroom Hookup Folds Almost Immediately Under PressureNAHANT, MA—Suggesting a complete inability to back up his bombastic rhetoric, local man Carl Stoker, who had…
Dec 9 2019Sports News In Brief12/9/19Sports News In Brief12/9/19Russian Olympic Program Denies Steroids Played Role In 8-Year-Old Gymnast Hurling Balance Beam Through Wall To EscapeMOSCOW—Issuing an adamant rejection of any wrongdoing in the wake of a four-year ban from global sports, top Russian…
Nov 26 2019News in Brief11/26/19News in Brief11/26/19Johnson & Johnson CEO Idly Wonders How Much Money He’d Make Off National Tylenol EpidemicNEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Explaining that he didn’t necessarily plan to act on his thought, Johnson & Johnson CEO Alex…
Nov 25 2019News in Brief11/25/19News in Brief11/25/19Typical American Teen Struggles To Balance Demands Of School, Pansexual Orgies, And Drug RavesNEWBERRY, SC—Echoing the concerns of millions of teenagers across the nation, typical American 17-year-old Dana…
Oct 21 2019News in Brief10/21/19News in Brief10/21/19Study Finds Medical Marijuana Effective For Treating Long-Term Pain Over Jerry Garcia’s DeathCAMBRIDGE, MA—Shedding light on a promising way to provide relief from the chronic condition, a study published…
Oct 14 2019News In Photos10/14/19News In Photos10/14/19Teen Could Go For A Big Huff Of Something Right Now
Oct 10 2019News in Brief10/10/19News in Brief10/10/19Pfizer Unveils New Prescription Medicine To Help Adults Quit SittingNEW YORK—Touting the new medication’s ability to assist in cessation of the unhealthy activity, pharmaceutical giant…
Oct 1 2019News in Brief10/1/19News in Brief10/1/19TSA To Phase Out Glue-Sniffing DogsARLINGTON, VA—In response to a recent spate of incidents in which the specially trained canines became far too…
Sep 23 2019News in Brief9/23/19News in Brief9/23/19Regular Customer Of Sinaloa Cartel Shocked To Learn Organization Funded Death SquadsSAN DIEGO—Expressing his disbelief and disappointment over purchasing the Sinaloa drug cartel’s products for decades…
Aug 14 2019News in Brief8/14/19News in Brief8/14/19Pete Buttigieg Charms Crowd At Iowa Truck Stop By Sampling Local MethCLARKSVILLE, IA—Taking a long drag from a glass pipe while addressing potential voters, presidential candidate Pete…
Aug 13 2019News in Brief8/13/19News in Brief8/13/19Pfizer Announces New Antidote For Slow-Acting Poison Currently Coursing Through Bodies Of Millions Of AmericansNEW YORK—Stressing that time is of the essence and that every heartbeat brings the nation closer to excruciating…